Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Site News: January, 2015

Everybody get out your hoverboards and your copies of Jaws 5 through 18, because 2015 is coming tomorrow!

We've got a few months until the arrival of Marty McFly, so the NewtCave is going to take a bit of a left turn this month. In the spirit of the new year, I hereby dub it Premiere Month!

You know how I was doing that thing where I'd recap shows episode by episode out of order? It's time to set a few things straight. This month, I'll be recapping and reviewing the premiere episode of shows I've already covered like Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes and Batman: the Brave and the Bold. I've got a few other new treats scheduled, too, like a Recap/Review of DC's version of Iron Man. You read that right.

The scheduling of things will be changing a bit, too. Posts will now go up at 8 AM. If there's a Recap and a Review, the Review will go up at 8:05.

After a 16-month hiatus, non-Doctor Who Character Studies are returning! Not only that, but Sketchbook Saturdays are coming back, too. These will be alternated with Recaps and Reviews of shorter works than my usual fare. You'll see.

Anyway, I'll see you back here tomorrow when I'll be reviewing the entire first season of Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. The day after that, I'll be going over the very beginning of the DC Animated Universe with the very first episode of Batman: The Animated Series.

See you then!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Review: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "It's a Wonderful Smash"

Hmm. A Christmas special about a fake dream reality with an ending that tries to convince you the protagonists woke up without providing any proof other than "Trust us, it's real this time"? What are the odds that I'd be seeing that from Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. and Doctor Who this year?

Seriously, though, I will always remember this as one of the best episodes of Season 1. I will also remember that it aired during Season 2.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Recap: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "It's a Wonderful Smash"

I see Hulks of green.
Red Hulk's, there, too.
They tick me off,
As they often do.
And I curse to myself,
"It's a Wonderful Smash'...."

Yeah, I know; some quotes from "It's a Wonderful Life" would have been more appropriate. But be honest with me: Would you really recognize a quote from It's a Wonderful Life if you read one?

Yeah. Didn't think so. You dang kids these days.

Anyway, let's look at this long-awaited Christmas special. I'll explain what I mean by "long-awaited" in the Review portion. For now, let's make fun of it in a linear-type fashion.

Let's be honest, that's why we're both here.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Archive

"Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it." -Tony Stark
Phase -0
Hulk (2003)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Ground State
- Recap Part 2: Pair Production
- Recap Part 3: Critical Mass
- Review

"Earth's mightiest heroes, that sort of thing." -Tony Stark
Iron Man (2008)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Death and Destruction
- Recap Part 2: Life and Construction
- Recap Part 3: Rebirth and Reconstruction
- Review

- Iron Man vs. The Dark Knight

The Incredible Hulk (2008)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Half-Life
- Recap Part 2: Isobars
- Recap Part 3: Coulomb Excitation
- Review

Editorial: Hulk vs. The Incredible Hulk

Iron Man 2 (2010)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Iron Curtain
- Recap Part 2: Blood and Iron
- Recap Part 3: Ironclad
- Review

Thor (2011)
- Intro 
- Recap Part 1: Sharper Than the Serpent's Tooth
- Recap Part 2: Cold Comfort
- Recap Part 3: The Green-Eyed Monster
- Review

Marvel One Shot: The Consultant

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: The American Dream
- Recap Part 2: Earning Stripes
- Recap Part 3: Star-Crossed Lovers
- Review

Marvel One-Shot: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor's Hammer

The Avengers (2012)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Assemble
- Recap Part 2: Initiative
- Recap Part 3: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
- Review
- Character Assassination: The Avengers

Marvel One-Shot: Item 47

MCU Phase 1 Review 

"The city is flying and we're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. Nothing makes sense. " -Hawkeye
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Agent Carter

Iron Man 3 (2013)
- Intro
- Part 1: Ready
- Part 2: Fire
- Part 3: AIM
- Review Part 1: The Mandarin
- Review Part 2: The Anti-Superhero Movie
- Top Ten Armors of Iron Man 3

Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter

Thor: The Dark World (2013)
- Intro
- Part 1: What's Past is Prologue
- Part 2: Swift as a Shadow
- Part 3: All Corners of the World
- Review 

Marvel One-Shot: All Hail the King 
Marvel One-Shots: Review

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2013)
- Intro
- Part 1: Patriot Acts
- Part 2: Right to Bear Arms
- Part 3: Freedom of Information
- Review
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
- View Log

Ant-Man (2015)
- View Log 

Editorial: Thoughts on the Ant-Man Trailer 

Phase 3

Captain America: Civil War (2016)
- View Log 

Doctor Strange (2016)
- View Log 

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Editorial: Iron Man vs. The Dark Knight

The year was 2008.

Iron Man.

The Dark Knight.

Iron Man won. Hands down.

Shoot, did I give it away too early?

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Nightmare on Christmas"

On the most minor note, it bugs me that this episode is named after "A Visit From St. Nicholas," yet is based on "A Christmas Carol."  But at the very least, this was better than the travesty that was "Halloween Night at the Museum."
"Aw, come on!"
Go bother Unshaved Mouse. Disney hasn't caused him much pain in a while.

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Nightmare on Christmas"

'Twas a while 'fore Christmas,
On December, the third.
I turned on TV,
And expected a turd.

For you see, O my readers,
That time came again.
To watch that show 'bout
That most spid'ry of men.

But Christmas was coming,
With specials galore.
I expected some garbage,
Like October before.

"It's rubbish," I thought,
"This special will suck!"
But watch it I did,
Then exclaimed, "What the crap?"

The show gave us gold!
Entertainment, not trash!
(If I wanted the latter,
I'd watch Agents of S.M.A.S.H.)

Have I just gone mad?
Is it just me?
Well, let's start this Recap.
Then we shall see.

Before you inquire,
'Twill not be in rhyme.
For rhyming is hard,
And I'm getting sick of it.

At least I'm not screwing up haikus again.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Review: "Iron Man"

What can I say about this movie that hasn't been said already? Still, I'm not going to let that stop me. Here, have a fun fact before we begin.

I kind of wish that had stayed in.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Recap: "Iron Man" Part 3: Rebirth and Reconstruction

He's a man on a mission in an armor of high-tech ammunition. Trapped on the edge of an endless game, his teenage life will never be the same. Mainly because he's not a teenager anymore. Not since the "Teen Tony" story arc. Also, let's distract ourselves from how terrible that story arc was by recapping the rest of Iron Man.

That's right, I referenced Iron Man: Armored Adventures. Let's not talk about that, either.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Recap: "Iron Man" Part 2: Life and Construction

When we last left our... well, "hero" is such a strong word. Tony Stark isn't the hero type. Clearly. Let's say "protagonist." Anyway, we last left the jerk as he came home from a three month stint as a prisoner in an Afghanistan cave where he built himself a metal suit to escape. Though I'm not sure what one would call such a literally iron-clad man.

Wait! That's it!

You'd call him "Metal Suit Guy!"

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Recap: "Iron Man" Part 1: Death and Destruction

Before the film opens, we get the famous flipping comic panels of the Marvel logo, which I'm fairly certain debuted with Spider-Man, but might date back to X-Men. I'm not sure. Truly, I have failed you all. But I can tell you that this is the first time that the word "Studios" was present.

So, here we are. The first film by Marvel Studios.

First impressions, everyone.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Recap: "Iron Man" Intro

It only seemed right to post this during Hanukkah, which we're now well into.

From Siegel and Shuster to Brian Michael Bendis and everyone in between, I'd like to thank all the Jewish comic writers and artists who helped define the medium for everything they've done. To them and to my readers, Happy Hanukkah. Peace you upon you all.

"L'chaim. L'art de Martell?"
So let's talk about one of those Jewish comic creators and a film based on one of his creations. I am, of course, talking about Brian Michael Bendis and his character Jessica Jones. And if you read the title of this post, you know that's not true.

Nothing to do with Brett Favre, Travis Fulton, or Cal Ripken, Jr.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Review: Young Justice "Drop Zone"

In acting, there's a saying.

"There are no small roles, only small actors."

And I'm not simply referring to the immensely-talented Peter Dinklage.

For Young Justice, you could easily create another saying.

"There are no unimportant episodes, only unimportant plots."

Recap: Young Justice "Drop Zone"

This week on Young Justice, the team heads to Latin America to get involved in a drug war between mercenaries, cultists, and terrorists. On an unrelated note, I can’t imagine why Cartoon Network ever canceled this show.

Kids love mercenaries!

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Hannukah, 2014

First of all, Happy Hannukah!

Second, yes, I am aware that the NewtCave Hannukah Special starts part of the way through Hannukah. There's a good reason for that.

It's not done.

On the 18th, we return to Young Justice. Saturday, I begin my first Recap/Review of an actual live-action movie.

See you then.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Review: Avengers Assemble "Hulk's Day Out"

This episode had more moon-killing than "Kill the Moon." But, then again, it would have to.

"Dammit, Hulk."
But that's enough complaining abouWhat the heck was with "Listen," Moffat? You had a chance to make people hiding under sheets actually scary and THREW IT IN THE TOILET! Just so you could play your little joke on the audience! Your little "I didn't say certain things, the audience assumed" excuse doesn't hold up when part of your solution to the mystery hinges on the Doctor writing something down and then forgetting he wrote it! You opened up numerous plotholes regarding traveling to Gallifrey just so the increasingly Mary Sue-ish Clara could comfort the Doctor as a little boy? If that little boy doesn't get revealed to be the Master instead, then I will lose a lot of respect for you thanks to all your self-indulgence. What happened to the guy who wrote "The Empty Child"? "A Christmas Carol"? "Blink"? Is all your talent going towards Sherlock?

Ahem. I'm sorry you all had to see that. I've had that in my system for a while. Now that's enough complaining about Doctor Who.

Recap: Avengers Assemble "Hulk's Day Out"

Trivia time!

I write some of these Recaps/Reviews out of order. And I don't just mean my little habit of doing an individual episode of a series, then starting over from the beginning. Sometimes, I put off the really crappy episodes until the week before I post the Recap. Sometimes I marathon several good episodes at once. This time, I need to repair my soul.

My Recap/Review of "Avengers: Impossible" was a while back for you. But for me? It was only fifteen minutes ago. Having been unable to secure a nuke to wreak justice on this episode (Why aren't you returning my calls, Obama?), I have decided to instead recap and review one of my favorite episodes of this series.

Shockingly enough, it's a Hulk-centered episode.

I swear, I'm not crazy. Or drunk. This is actually a great episode. Here, let me prove it to you.
It will all make sense.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Legacy Character Study: The Eleventh Doctor, Part 2

I’ve put this off for too long. It’s time to continue the 11th Doctor’s life with one final adventure.

And now it's time for one last bow....

Monday, December 8, 2014

Review: Green Lantern: TAS "Lost Planet"

The villains are forgettable, the planet terrain is generic, the twist of the story only works the first time you see it... and yet I wouldn't mind watching this episode again. Well, certain parts of this episode.

Two words.

Saint. Walker.

I freakin' love this guy.

Recap: Green Lantern: TAS "Lost Planet"

I now bring you "Lost Planet," an episode about a planet which isn't lost and neither are the people on it.

Metaphorically, maybe?

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Review: Avengers Assemble "In Deep"

I honestly thought that this season had hit its high point earlier, but that apparently wasn't the case.

Can this please be the new "It's a trap!"?

Recap: Avengers Assemble "In Deep"

Welcome back to Avengers Assemble. This week, we get an episode that's infinitely better than "Avengers: Impossible." But, honestly, that's not saying much.

You get the Hell out of here, you pointy-eared, green-blooded hobgoblin.
The episode may be called "In Deep," but we're not as deep in the crap as we were last time.

Thank goodness.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Review: Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United

You know, nobody asked for this. Even Marvel knew that; they released this thing with almost no fanfare. This is far from the crossover that everyone asked for. People were demanding that this thing stop existing.

What am I supposed to say about this? This thing... what even is it? It's too long to be a TV episode, it's too short to be a movie, it's a supposed tie-in to something it has almost nothing in common with, and if anyone tells me I'm dangling my participle, I will make them eat my English degree.

Recap: Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United

And so, here we are.

Last September, I covered a certain piece of animation which many have stated to be the worst thing Marvel ever animated. I can’t agree with this statement, simply because I haven’t actually seen everything Marvel ever animated. (Yet….) But yes, it certainly was a stinker. Slow, dull, poorly animated, and a waste of a perfectly good animation technique.

And it has a sequel.

Dang it.
After I covered the first installment of the Heroes United duology, I promised that I’d take a look at the second (and hopefully final) installment as soon as the NewtCave hit 75,000 page views. Thanks to a retweet from a certain guy in a hat, a cameo from a certain rodent, and a sudden interest in my Recap of the Avengers: EMH premiere, I’ve already hit that mark. So today I’ll be recapping and reviewing Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United.

This film was announced the same day that the first installment was released, to little fanfare. Because everyone knew by watching the trailers for the first one that the sequel was no doubt crap. Because of the dismal reviews and abysmally low sales of the first installment, this sequel has not yet gotten a DVD/Blu-Ray release; it’s only available through digital copies and streaming.

And here’s where I hit the “Research Wall,” as I call it. No one is talking about this movie. With well-reviewed movies and shows, there’s information everywhere. Generally speaking, the fans will have questions for the creators, and the creators love to talk about their work. Heck, you can sometimes find as much information with things that are so-bad-they’re-good. But I can barely find any behind-the-scenes info on this thing. And that tells me that it’s not so-bad-it’s-good, but so-awful-no-one-cares. Not a good start.

So I guess there’s no more putting it off. Time to begin my Recap of Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United.

Happy 75,000 Views, everybody.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Review: The Batman "Traction"

This was an excellent episode about Iron Man defeating the Juggernaut. And either way, the character portrayed in the third film of a series by a man with a British accent wins. Funny how that works.

Recap: The Batman "Traction"

Back to The Batman, this week. And we're looking at the first big misstep of the series. You might say that this show is having a bit of trouble gaining... momentum!

Shoot, wrong punchline.

Can't get them all right, I guess. I mean, who am I, the Joker?

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Site News: December 2014

Whew. Another month come and gone.

My sister finally updated her own blog in that time, and her latest article is pretty interesting.

You may have noticed that I took down the poll. This is because you guys seemed to mostly be unanimously for adding shows like Gravity Falls, Sym-Bionic Titan, Generator Rex, and others onto my to-do list. So I'll keep that in mind for the coming year.

I'll tell you what, it seems like every time I think I might take a break from this blog, I end up posting more and more. I was very tempted to take this next week off... but I think I'll be posting after all. I mean, I've gained a metric buttload of new readers, and the least I can do is to actually post for them.

Having said that, I'm planning a little something special for this holiday season. So the schedule at the top left should probably be taken with a grain of salt. I try to be as diligent as possible with posting on time, but I'm doing something a bit different for you guys and I might need to shift the schedule a bit. As a great man once said, I'm working on something big.

And it'll be a Hannukah Special. No, I'm not Jewish. I'll be recapping a Christmas episode for Christmas, and I bet Jewish people are sick of not having their own special episodes of various shows.

Anyhow, October was all about Batman, November was a month for catching up, and this month will be back to basics. We'll have a little Marvel, a little DC, a little bit country, a little bit rock n' roll. ...ask your parents, kids.

See you tomorrow, when I'll be recapping and reviewing another episode of The Batman.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Recap: Avengers: EMH "Breakout, Part 1"

Today, here in the United States, we're be celebrating Thanksgiving. We'll all gather round the table with food, family, and appreciate all that we have. So today, I'm going to treat you all with something I was definitely thankful for while it lasted.

It's finally time to start looking at Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. You're welcome.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Review: Avengers Assemble "Avengers: Impossible"

To say that this was an unpleasant episode is a bit of an understatement. The combination of Falcon and Impossible Man together is about as appealing as... Does anyone remember that Reese's commercial where the two guys with the peanut butter and chocolate run into each other? Re-enact that with earwax and manure, and that'd be right on the money.

Recap: Avengers Assemble "Avengers: Impossible"

I've seen horrors. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared.

The horror... The horror....
This is the day I have dreaded for what feels like an eternity. If you are reading this Recap, then I have somehow survived the process of writing it. I don't know how. Let's just get this over with.

Is this my punishment for saying that the monster attacking the Great Wall of China at the end of the premiere was the one at the beginning of "Depth Charge"? I'm sorry! I didn't know! Forgive me!

Friday, November 21, 2014

Review: Green Lantern: TAS "Heir Apparent"

Is this episode a good one? Is this episode a bad one? Well, I'd say the answer's pretty apparent!

Hey, the management reserves the right to make dumb jokes.

Recap: Green Lantern: TAS "Heir Apparent"

“Heir Apparent”? More like, “Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow,” am I right?

Okay, tough crowd. How about this one?

Why can Green Lanterns always recognize each other?

Because they’ve all got a familiar ring to them!

…these are the jokes, people.

What do you think I am, a comedy blogger or something? Oh, wait….

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Review: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Planet Hulk Parts 1 & 2"

You know, sometimes I look back at all the things I've watched for this blog and I think, "Those were good times."

And sometimes I put myself through this crap.

Recap: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Planet Hulk, Part 2"

When last we left our heroes, Hulk took up modern dance, Red Hulk grew his mustache back, Skaar ate his own head, and A-Bomb was pregnant with She-Hulk's baby.

And if you believed all that, then you should really re-read my Recap of the first part. I don't think you were paying attention.

You may have been reading a teenage girl's fanfic.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Recap: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Planet Hulk, Part 1"

They did it. They renewed Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. for a second season. Why? It's got the lowest score on IMDb out of Marvel's three current shows, it doesn't have a devoted fanbase, it's not a cult hit, and nearly every review of every episode utterly trashes the show.

Allow me to demonstrate.

"They took interesting characterizations and clear story lines and tossed them out the window for fun in the sun cheese." - GTDMAC, IMDb

"Words cant describe how awful this show is. Its almost as if the writers were challenged to cram the most non-Hulkish ideas into a show for a bet... And they succeeded. I don't know if they should be congratulated or executed for crimes against television"- finkelman, IMDb

"Disney/Marvel may be knocking it out of the park when it comes to live-action theatrical releases, but they continue to struggle to create an animation show that is worth a damn." - teegeeyoung, IMDb

"More proof that Disney is destroying the Marvel brand." - Jbad5, IMDb

"Sadly, Agents of S.M.A.S.H. didn't manage to reproduce much of that book's appeal in this one-hour premiere." - Jesse Schedeen, IGN

"Give it a try, and watch an episode or two. You will like it." - ahlan336, IMDb

I did say "nearly."

And you know what? I'd have to say that Season 1 wasn't awful overall. Episodes like "All About the Ego" and "The Skaar Whisperer" certainly did it no favors, but it did get noticeably better toward the end, even resulting in one of my favorite versions of the Abomination. I'd go into more detail about Season 1, but I've got an entire post for that once I recap and review the Christmas special.

Honestly, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think my Reviews are one of the few fair assessments this show gets. Though I'll admit, I tend to get a bit hung up on the parts that bug me. There's a lot of people going around bashing this show (guilty), and a lot of people going around praising it (also guilty, but less so). But I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. After all, there have been legitimately well-written episodes, and a couple of absolute pains to sit through. Both sides of this argument have fair points. When this show's bad, it's awful. But when it's good, it's spectacular.

Which brings me back to my original point. This show is simply "okay." Marvel has canceled shows that were doing far better than that. Why is this show still here?

The cliffhanger from last season? Nope. Plenty of shows have been canceled on cliffhangers. Did you know that ALF ended up taken away by the government and vivisected? Seriously, look it up.

The fact that they don't want to anger Man of Action, the driving force behind the Marvel Animated Universe? Heck, no. They're not involved with this show at all. This is Paul Dini and Henry Gilroy's baby.

Maybe they had a really good episode written for Season 2? Let's find out.

The answer may surprise you! But I'll bet you it won't.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Legacy Character Study: The Time War

So. The Time War.

At some point, the Eighth Doctor returned to Gallifrey and destroyed it. He wiped out the Time Lords and the Daleks to save all of time and space. Except here’s the thing….

He didn't.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Snow Day"

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody's reading this on an actual Snow Day.

'Sup, Dawg. I heard you like Snow Days, so... and you know the rest.

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Snow Day"

Yeah, I know I promised another Doctor Who Character Study today. But the Polar Vortex was kind enough to show up uninvited again, so I decided to post this while everybody's googling for snow day information, I mean, so I can remain topical. No, you're being shifty.

So let's take a look at an episode of Ultimate Spider-Man named after what every kid wants right about now.

It's called "Snow Day," not "X-Box One." Just FYI.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Review: Avengers Assemble "The Doomstroyer"

"The Doomstroyer" is just fun to say. Try it yourself. Right now. I don't care where you are. Library? Say it loud. Goofing off at school? Say it proud. Everybody just say it at least once.

Yes, even you. Reading this in your bedroom all alone.

Put some pants on.

Recap: Avengers Assemble "The Doomstroyer"

And now, Doctor Doom's Asgardian obsession continues in this sequel to "The Serpent of Doom." Ladies, gentlemen, and others, I'm delighted to bring you the most ridiculous title this show has given us yet: "The Doomstroyer." As for the rest of the episode... well, that's what the Recap and Review are for, right?

Unless you just read my blog for my reviews of episode titles. You weirdo.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Review: Avengers Assemble "Depth Charge"

Before I critique the episode proper, I feel that I should address something. It's really not very PC the way that this show keeps treating terrible disasters like no big deal. Anyone in Tokyo can tell you that tsunamis are not fun little jaunts that are cleaned up in a week. I'm not saying you can't tackle a serious threat like tsunamis in a superhero show, you just need to be dang careful about how you go about portraying it. This is poorly-thought out at best and downright disrespectful at worst. It's one thing when you gloss over any depressing bits with civilian casualties, but quite another when you go out of your way to pretend they don't happen.

On with the Review.

Recap: Avengers Assemble "Depth Charge"

Eric Roberts is hailed by some as a master of the B-movie, but we'll see if that holds up for this TV movie that came out the same year as The Dark Knight, featuring Roberts as....

Oh, wait, wrong "Depth Charge," this one's an Avengers Assemble episode.

My bad.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Review: Avengers Assemble "Molecule Kid"

So, a question that I usually ask myself when I review an episode is this:

"What is this episode about?"

There are three possibilities. Let's examine them.

Recap: Avengers Assemble "Molecule Kid"

Does anyone else think that Beta-Ray Bill and the Molecule Kid sound like characters in a Space Western?


Yeah, I'm stalling. I haven't been looking forward to this one. I don't remember if it's good or bad, I just remember that it's absolutely infuriating. Let's go.

Wasn't Molecule Kid a member of the Legion of Super Heroes?

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Why I Hate Gym"

This episode was the first step in absolutely the right direction, but it does shuffle back a little bit after taking that step.

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Why I Hate Gym"

I know why I always hated gym. It was the one class that I couldn't draw in. Let's see if Spider-Man has a better reason.

Well, the drawing thing and the fact that the locker room smelled like Axe body spray and hormones.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Flight of the Iron Spider"

First and foremost, before I review, there's something to keep in mind. At the time this episode aired, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes was still the Avengers show on TV. So, yes, this was Adrian Pasdar's first performance as Iron Man in the Marvel Animated Universe, before he would reprise the role for Avengers Assemble.

So in a way, this episode heralded what would come. But let's talk about this omen and see if good times were foreshadowed.

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Flight of the Iron Spider"

Today, we return to Ultimate Spider-Man. When we last left our heroes, Nick Fury was a two-faced liar and the Sandwich Club was comprised of genre-blind fools who barely tolerate each other. Today, let's see if things can improve with the addition of an Avenger.

Avengers Assemble! Well, just the one.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

November 2014 Update


Thirteen solid days of Batman, a week of the Guardians of the Galaxy, and an episode of Ultimate Spider-Man that defies all logic. (A million thanks to Neil Sharpson, aka Unshaved Mouse. Go read his Disney reviews.) Let's check the ol' To Do List and see where to go from here.

Note to self: Keep list from vandals.
Well, looks like another busy month. But in a different way.

I hereby dub November of 2014 "Catch-up Month."

For the next month, I'll be attempting to catch up a bit in my ongoing coverage of Marvel's current shows, as well as a couple shows I haven't covered in a while.

Behind the scenes, I'll also be working up on tidying up typos, dead links, and figuring out why my review of Ant-Man's final Avengers: EMH micro-episode is in that weird font.

On a less personal note, the writers of Eclipse have been trying to Kickstart another comic endeavor, Child Number Four, if you'd like to donate some money towards that. (Sorry it took me so long to get the word out, guys!) It looks good to me so far. The art looks wonderful, and the premise has a lot of potential.

On a more personal note, a guy named Jeremiah Swanson was kind enough to email me a copy of this book he's written, And Death Will Seize the Doctor, Too. Unfortunately, I haven't yet found the time to finish read it for myself, but I thought I'd give him a shout-out. Once I finish it, I'll let y'all know if I enjoyed it. It's about a guy who has to kill in order to heal, written by someone who's had a few things published before. I'm looking forward to it and hopefully, now that I'm not posting every day, I can finally read it. (And if you're reading this, Mr. Swanson, I'm very sorry I haven't gotten around to it yet.)

Anyway, I'll see you here tomorrow when I recap and review an episode of Ultimate Spider-Man that doesn't have anything to do with Disney kidcoms.

See you then!

Friday, October 31, 2014

Review, Part 2: Ultimate Spider-Man "Halloween Night at the Museum"

As a crossover, this episode was absolutely terrible. It fails logically, logistically, it fails in its purpose, it just fails all around. And yes, to make sure you know this isn't just hyperbole, I will be listing all the myriad failures. But first, some unfinished business.

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Halloween Night at the Museum"

At the time of this writing, "Halloween Night at the Museum" is the worst-ranked episode of Ultimate Spider-Man on IMDb, ranking at 6.1 stars out of 10. (Second place is a three-way tie between "Sinister Six," "House Arrest," and "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" at 6.9.) Now, I think this particular episode's score should be taken with a grain of salt. You can't really deny that a lot of people are just going to be upset that this show is crossing over with a live-action kidcom. Heck, I was one of those people who spewed hate at the idea since hearing about it.

But as I've said before, I give everything a fair chance here at the NewtCave. And by Odin's beard, was that ever put to the test.

For this initial Review, I'm going to ignore the fact that this is a crossover. I'm going to treat it the same as any other episode of the show. I'm going to ask myself how this episode fares in a standalone context, independent of any soul-crushing, white bread, unfunny Disney sitcoms.

For the purposes of this first Review, this is just a random group of multi-ethnic kids.

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Halloween Night at the Museum"

It's time to skip ahead a bit in my coverage of Ultimate Spider-Man. Time to do my first "official" look at an episode of Season 3: Web Warriors.

Should be just... just a knockabout of fun.
I know I basically told you in my Recap of "Blood Feud" that I'd be going over the "Blade and the Howling Commandos" two-parter. But instead, I'll be going over a more recent episode of Ultimate Spider-Man that I think we'll all... enjoy. Today... no, screw it. I quit. I'm done.

Hope y'all enjoyed the NewtCave while it lasted.

"Who's quitting what now?"
Unshaved Mouse? What are you doing here?

"I sensed that there was an animal-themed reviewer doing a Disney-related review.
Knowing that it wasn't me, I got a bit confused. So what's the haps?"
Well, I'm just quitting my blog over the latest Halloween episode of Ultimate Spider-Man.

"Really? Newt, it's just a half-hour cartoon.
I mean, yeah, it's not the best, but I think I can safely say this episode can't be as bad as, say, Home on the Range."
It's a crossover with a live-action Disney sitcom.

"...what the close up mouth whore f...?"

"And you're giving up? Just like that?
You're gonna lie down and let yourself be Disney's bitch?"

"No. You can do this. There will be a day when the strength of men fails. But it is not this day.
Great moments are born from great opportunity.
You're gonna get back in there and review this one for the Gipper!"
For the Gipper!


"Hey, Mouse, I hear someone's reviewing the Ultimate Spider-Man/Jessie crossover?"


"There goes a stupid, stupid man."

"Poor dumb bastard."

"Want to watch his impending mental breakdown?"

"Are you kidding? I made popcorn."
What was that, guys?


(Munch, munch....)
So, yeah. A crossover between Marvel and a Disney sitcom. Can you imagine what awaits us?

"Bertram, I'd like to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative."
But I'ma break before the Recap real quick to say something important.

I will give this episode a chance. I may think that this crossover is an absolutely stupid idea, but I am going to absolutely be fair to this episode. As such, I will not criticize this episode just for being a pointless crossover. Yet. I will recap this episode. I will give this episode a fair review. Then, and only then, I will re-review this episode in context as a crossover between these two shows. And then, Ultimate Spider-Man, you have my permission to die.

So, yeah. George Gipp better dang well appreciate this. Let us begin.

Halloween hasn't been this horrifying in years.