Monday, March 30, 2015

Review: Avengers: EMH "Some Assembly Required"

The episode was called "Some Assembly Required," and we end up losing a piece of the team? Always the same with DIY projects, isn't it?

Recap: Avengers: EMH "Some Assembly Required"

And so, unfortunately, it’s time to bring Hulk Month to its inevitable close.

I'm sad, too.
But I feel like we’ve had some great times this month. Making fun of one of the most ambitious Marvel films ever, making Fight Club jokes, and finding out just why the heck the Hulk can articulate in Agents of S.M.A.S.H.…. But as Captain Picard said, all good things must come to an end. If you’re going to end, end on a high note. So let’s return to Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes to see Hulk’s first attempt at teamwork.

Are they a team? Or are they a time bomb?

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Editorial: Hulk vs. The Incredible Hulk

The Incredible Hulk seems to be far, far better than Hulk. But when you examine both films closely, is it? Let's put these films head-to-head.

Visual pun.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Review: "The Incredible Hulk"

Of course, Hulk is the major elephant in the room when it comes to judging this movie. But for now, The Incredible Hulk needs to be fairly judged on its own merits.

Rule 1: Don't talk about Hulk.
Rule 2: Don't talk about Hulk.

Let's go.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Recap: "The Incredible Hulk" Part 3: Coulomb Excitation

When we last left our hero, he had saved the girl and escaped his pusuers. When we last left our villain, every single bone in his body was broken.

How is that not the end of the movie?

Aside from, you know, all the loose B-plots.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Recap: "The Incredible Hulk" Part 2: Isobars

It's at this point that the film slows down and begins to tackle some existential questions of life and existence regarding the psychology of the Hulk and... nah, I'm kidding. Stuff gets smashed.

Like Hulk, questions remain unanswered. But unlike Hulk, they don't even bring them up. So I can't complain.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Recap: "The Incredible Hulk" Part 1: Half-Life

Edward Norton playing a man with a dangerous split personality? I think we all know what movie I'm obligated to reference. Death to Smoochy.

Why? What movie were you thinking of?

Monday, March 23, 2015

Recap: "The Incredible Hulk" Intro

This has been an interesting month for me, to say the least. First I was having fever dreams, then I was watching one. But now that I've attempted to decipher the inexplicable Hulk, I can start talking about its pseudo-sequel/reboot The Incredible Hulk.

If Grant Morrison started writing "The Inexplicable Hulk," I would so be on board with that.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Recap: Gotham Girls "The Gardener's Apprentice"

So, funny story. Today was my sister's birthday, which means I was busy both yesterday and today. Hence, this post is late. And just when I was starting to get organized again, too. As another birthday gift to her, here's a link to her sciencey blog.

Anyway, back to Gotham Girls with an episode so green that it didn't get pinched last St. Patrick's Day. Unless it got pinched by one of those people who always try to rules lawyer their incessant pinching by claiming that you're not wearing enough green, despite that fact that a green t-shirt is clearly enough to count and why are you so gung-ho about the pinching anyway, man? Seriously, what is it with you? What? Oh, right, Gotham Girls.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Recap: "Hulk" Part 3: Critical Mass

Finally, it all comes to a head. Will our questions be answered? Will revelations be had? Will it all wrap up in a satisfying manner?

Heck, no.

You should know better.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Recap: "Hulk" Part 2: Pair Production

It has come to my attention that yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. (For some reason, I always thought St. Patrick's Day fell on a Sunday, though I may have been thinking of Easter.) For those of you who chose to celebrate it in the traditional way before reading yesterday's post, let me assure you that it was, in fact, as weird as it seemed.

Cells had feelings, Betty Ross acted like a robot, and the special effects were accomplished by Photoshop. Oh, and there was no Hulk. Maybe in the next third of the movie?

Either that or dramatic whispering. My money's on the dramatic whispering.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Recap: "Hulk" Part 1: Ground State

Look, I'm going to warn you. If you're reading this on your phone in the bathroom, or while on break, or under your desk during class, then just go ahead and bookmark this page for later. I'm about to recap the events of the mind-screwiest, most pretentious film to ever star a Marvel character.

This is going to be a long read.

Sit down. Get a cup of tea.

And prepare yourself for levels of artsy-fartsy rarely seen outside an Andy Warhol film.

Allegedly, there's a Hulk somewhere inside this movie, too. But I doubt we'll see him within 3,000 words.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Recap: "Hulk" Intro


A movie that stands in infamy for not necessarily being bad, but for being a bizarre mess of two ideas that stand in opposition to each other. Much like the Hulk himself, appropriately enough. This film stands as the punchline of many jokes and the unofficial answer as to why Mark Ruffalo hasn't gotten a solo Hulk movie yet. Released in 2003, this movie came out the same year as Daredevil and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen... and is still known as "the bad one."

Regular NewtCave readers know quite well by this point that I was very ill a couple weeks ago. Which is when I was actually watching this movie to write this Recap. Coincidence? Probably. But feel free to draw your own conclusions.

Brace yourselves, it's got a long and troubled history. Like Bruce Banner. Huh. Maybe this whole thing was a veiled metaphor instead of a straight adaptation? Ten outta ten!

Probably first time "ten outta ten" has been said in reference to this film.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Review: Avengers Assemble "Mojo World"

Aliens abduct our heroes to make them fight! As exciting as the John Carter stories? Or as hard to sit through as Vogon poetry?

"Oh, freddled gruntbuggly...."

Recap: Avengers Assemble "Mojo World"

Friday, Friday, Friday! Avengers Assemble!

Today, Hulk goes head to head against not only the toughest of alien enemies, but also his own teammate! You do not want to miss this!

The Recap, I mean.

The episode's probably a take-it-or-leave-it-type deal.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "The Incredible Spider-Hulk"

And so, our journey has ended. Not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a smash. Also, a whimper. But I'll get to that.

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "The Incredible Spider-Hulk"

So, you might be a bit confused as to why I included "Freaky" as part of the Road to Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. I mean, the Hulk never even showed up in that one, right? Well, here we are on the final leg of the journey to Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. It's a bit later than the others (which were themselves late) because one of those infamous Michigan potholes kept me from reaching my computer. But I'm here now, and so are you. Time to complete the last leg of the road.

Let's hope it's less troublesome than the actual roads I've been driving on.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Home Sick Hulk"

And so, step three down our road has been completed. Enough chit-chat, this Review is late as it is. Let's get on with it!

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Home Sick Hulk"

So, as you may have noticed, the posts have been late for the last couple of days. If you follow my Twitter, you'll know that's because I have been ridiculously sick for the past couple of weeks. So what better time to look at the Hulk's Hulk-sized illness than after having my own adventures in fever and pain?

Last week, I was gagging so hard it wasn't funny. This week, I'll be criticizing unfunny gags.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Freaky"

Before I begin, I'd like to quote an interview with Brian Michael Bendis, the original writer of Ultimate Spider-Man for the comics, consultant for this show, and writer for this episode. You can find the original article here, but there's a specific part I want to focus on.

"I've had a couple of these people coming up to me on Facebook," Bendis said. "I don't know what to say — 'You know, you're watching Disney XD.' It's not on Showtime. I want you to like it too, but like it in the context of what it's for. It's for kids. We're thinking of them while we write it."

Mr. Bendis, if I may politely give my rebuttal.

We know it's for kids. The fact that it airs on Disney XD was a bit of a tip-off.

I don't mind that there are some subtleties, nuances, and themes that get removed when you focus on writing a show for kids. All I'm asking for is that you write something good. I'm a firm believer in shows like Gravity Falls, which are obviously for kids but are still clever enough to be legitimately enjoyed by adults.

You're a good writer, Mr. Bendis. But just because something's for kids, that doesn't automatically mean you get to stop trying.

Anyway, let's start reviewing an episode based on an original story that even the writer hated.

A good sign, right?

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Freaky"

Welcome to the next stop on our journey down the Road to Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. In this installment, Hulk does not show up. You might be a bit confused by this, but I'll explain it in the Review. Let's begin!

It might not be a Friday, but we can still get freaky. ...not like that.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Exclusive"

And so, the Road to Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. begins by way of a Spider-Man team-up.

Hey, look! He remembered how to shot web!

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Exclusive"

People all the time be askin' me questions. Like why Spider-Man seems to be in every other Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. episode, or why the Hulk is smarter in Agents of S.M.A.S.H. than he usually is, or why I spend all my time apparently watching cartoons. So let's answer the first two questions from the beginning. Ladies and gentlemen, the Road to Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. begins here.

Don't get too excited. He said ironically.

Late Post Today

Due to continued recovering from my illness, today's post will be late. Apologies.

But it WILL go up today.

Expect it by 9pm Eastern time at the latest.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

The weather. I am under it.

Very sick lately.

Posts resume Monday with the Road to HAS.

Guess you could say I'm feeling a little green.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

March, 2015: Hulk Month

Well, March is upon us. Time for the second annual Hulk Month!

Apparently, this is a thing I do now.
Well, I say "second annual." Last March was just green-themed in general, but I'm pretty sure most of my focus was on the Hulk. I think. Whatever, Hulk Month.

And I'd like to apologize, but I'm afraid Hulk Month is going to have to start a week into March. you see, I wanted to take a look at the second part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Incredible Hulk. Then I realized that in order to do that fairly, I'd have to talk about... a certain other movie. I mean, you don't talk about Iron Man 2 without talking about Iron Man, right?

So in order to get that done, I've had to switch a few things around.

Don't worry, there'll be a Gotham Girls Recap/Review on Saturday to tide you over. Monday, it's over to Ultimate Spider-Man to take a look at the episodes that led up to Hulk getting his own spin-off with Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. After that, more Hulk stuff including a look at a couple of films.

Yes, two film reviews in the same month. Because I felt like spoiling you guys.

See you then!

Monday, March 2, 2015