Review: Justice League "Comfort and Joy"

Looking back on it, Batman and Wonder Woman are probably missing from this episode because he's an eternal Grinch and she's... well, a Pagan. She probably doesn't see much point in the holiday celebrating Jesus' birth when she can go hang out with Zeus and Hermes.

Still, you have to wonder how they spent the holidays.

I have a pet theory.

Recap: Justice League "Comfort and Joy"

December is the perfect time for peace and togetherness, and not just because we're all huddling together for warmth.

Sure, it's summer in the Southern Hemisphere, meaning those of you down there might not be huddling together for warmth... and okay, not everybody celebrates Christmas, or Kwanzaa, or Hannukah, or Festivus....

But gosh darn it, we shouldn't need an excuse to appreciate the people we care about. And when the calendar outright gives us an excuse to come together in peace and friendship with the rest of humanity... well, I can't think of any reason not to take the opportunity and spend time with loved ones.

And... well, it has been a difficult couple of years for many of us, hasn't it?

I know it's not much, but I'd like to dedicate this Recap and Review to any and all people out there who need a friend right now, whether you be black, white, green, blue, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Pagan, Jedi, Pastafarian, pantheist, atheist, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, cisgender, transgender, Republican, Democrat, or anything else.

Happy holidays, God bless us every one, live long and prosper, may the Force be with you, and may the odds ever be in your favor.

Under the weather

Post soon

Review: Doctor Who "The Shakespeare Code"

Alright, before I review this episode, I'm going to address the elephant in the room that only fans of the Classic Series noticed. It's a pretty small elephant, all things concerned.

In "Planet of Evil," the Fourth Doctor claimed to have met a young Shakespeare and told him "There's no point in talking if you've got nothing to say."

As I understand it, Gareth Roberts wrote a line or two into "The Shakespeare Code" to acknowledge this, but they ended up getting cut out because, apparently, most viewers aren't obsessing over dialogue from an old Fourth Doctor episode. Which I find pretty amusing, since the two-parter story "The Magician's Apprentice"/"The Witch's Familiar" was pretty much based on dialogue from an old Fourth Doctor episode.

Oh, the Russell T. Davies Era. It seems so strange that there was a time in the show's modern history when references to the Classic Series were almost... taboo. These days, the writers say "I'm putting an Alpha Centauri cameo in this episode! I don't care if no one in the audience has seen 'The Curse of Peladon'!" To say nothing of this year's Christmas special, which will be a team up with the First Doctor that takes place during the final First Doctor serial, apparently.

But I'm getting off track. Shakespeare!

...Actually, let's get back off track real quick.

Recap: Doctor Who "The Shakespeare Code"

Now that's a 2007 episode title if ever I saw one! According to David Tennant's video diary, the working title was "Theatre of Doom," which I guess riffs on the second Indiana Jones film, rather than 2006's then-culturally-relevant The Da Vinci Code.

That's like if, next year, they end up giving Jodie Whittaker an episode called "War for the Planet of the Ood," or "Time Wars: The Last Time Lord."

Also, I would love it to no end if there were an episode called "War for the Planet of the Ood."

Review: Teen Titans Go! "Hey Pizza!"

Before I actually Review this episode, I'd like to ask you something real quick.

What would you say the A-plot for the episode is? Robin's dilemma over building a pool or a senior center? Or Beast Boy/Cyborg's quest to con the pizza place?

Because I always assumed that Robin's plot was the main plot here, with the pizza shenanigans serving as a B-plot. So I was always confused as to why the episode was named after its B-plot.After all, Robin's plot definitively starts first, and arguably ends last, with the pizza stuff sandwiched in between alternate Robin scenes.

And that's when I timed this episode.

The pool plot only lasts about 4 minutes, while the pizza plot lasts about 5 minutes and 21 seconds, even though most of that time is made up of montage.. Which I guess explains why the episode is named after the pizza plot.

But I think this serves to highlight the fact that this episode is structurally weird, as far as episodes of Teen Titans Go!.... go.

Recap: Teen Titans Go! "Hey Pizza!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg try to slow down the pizza guy to take advantage of their "30 minutes or it's free" deal.

Boom. I've said all I need to say. The episode is pretty much exactly what you'd expect this show to do with that premise.

It's common knowledge by this point that "Meatball Party" was the moment where the writers realized how off-the-wall they could make these episodes. And if you ask me, I'd say that "Hey Pizza!" represents some of the inside-the-box thinking they were finding themselves doing for a bit.

Inside the pizza box, perhaps?

...Yeah, I really reached for that one.

Review: Goosebumps "The Haunted House Game"

Before I discuss what this episode is, I'll take this moment to talk about what the episode isn't.

It's not a faithful adaptation of the source material.

In 1996, Scholastic published "Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps," which was the third Goosebumps anthology of short stories. Now, I can't be 100% certain that R.L. Stine wrote any of these tales intended to give you goosebumps. From what I've been able to find online, Scholastic requires R.L. Stine to write the main Goosebumps books, but they can use whatever ghost writers they want for any and all spinoffs. A short story called "Fun with Spelling" was written by Carolyn Crimi, who also did some ghostwriting for the Fear Street books.

But whoever wrote "The Haunted House Game" ended up writing a story that was surprisingly different from the Robin Williams film it was probably inspired by. The short story was a simple tale about some kids who play The Haunted House Game. Every space they land on says something creepy, like "Wind rattles the window," which then happens in real life, escalating until one of them lands on the "Scared to death" space, at which point one of them runs outside and finds an old newspaper that says that they died of fear decades ago. Then he slowly forgets what happened, and all the kids start to relive the board game that led to their deaths once again.

Which means that every single change made for the TV adaptation not only made the story more like Jumanji, but was more-than-likely supposed to make the story more like Jumanji, right down to the kids that were trapped from an earlier game.

But all the stuff they added to this episode didn't add to the story. Things happen, but....  You know what this episode is? It's a setting in search of a plot.

Recap: Goosebumps "The Haunted House Game"

In 1981, Chris Van Allsburg wrote and illustrated Jumanji, a short story about a magic board game that raised all sorts of jungle-related Hell when you played it.

In 1995, TriStar Pictures distributed Jumanji, starring Robin Williams. It expanded on the book and took a few liberties with the source material, becoming a fondly-remembered '90s film.

It is currently 2017, and a sequel/reboot called Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle comes out this month. But I'm not here to talk about the reboot. Or the original film. However good or bad the new Jumanji movie ends up being, I know for a fact that it can't be worse that that time the Goosebumps TV show jumped on board the "supernatural board game" bandwagon.

You know, the last time I covered a short story from a Goosebumps anthology that focused on a haunted house, we got a slow, meandering episode that was mostly padding.

So this can only end well.

December 2017 Announcements

Really, I only have one thing to announce. After December, the NewtCave will be going on hiatus once again. Usual reasons. Real life, work, et cetera.

The current plan is to return in February. Should this plan change at any point, I'll be sure to make another announcement.

But, yes, I did say after December. There will be a few more NewtCave posts before the year is out, including a special Christmas post that I meant to put up last year.

See you then!

Recap: Doctor Who "The Face of Evil" Episode 2

When last we left off, we discovered that running around the universe and meddling in other civilizations' affairs tends to leave a bit of an impression. In the Doctor's case, he seems to have visited this planet a long time ago.... and has now been immortalized in the side of a mountain as this planet's version of el Diablo.

Go big or go home, I guess.

Review: Teen Titans Go! "Ghost Boy"

In my opinion, this episode marks the moment where the Titans' sociopathic tendencies are truly born.

Recap: Teen Titans Go! "Ghost Boy"

One of the things about Teen Titans Go! that some take issue with is the Titans' modified personalities. Their personalities changed on an individual level, to be sure, but every Titan went through one specific change together: They're sociopaths now.

The dictionary describes a sociopath as "a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial behavior and a lack of conscience.." And over the course of about 200 episodes so far, this would seem to describe each Titan to a degree, some more than others.

Now, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I don't automatically hate this change in the characters. If somebody were inclined to do a comedic spin on the Teen Titans, then antisocial, conscience-impaired behavior isn't necessarily a bad way to go about it. Sociopathy is a staple of comedy. I mean, who among us didn't at least chuckle when the Joker made that pencil disappear? Heck, just look at Deadpool. And no matter how far back you go, you can find examples of humor that rely on a protagonist who doesn't care about others' wellbeing. George Costanza. Edmund Blackadder. Bugs Bunny.

On the other hand, if a character is improperly characterized... well, nobody's going to root for a character who simply comes across as an unlikable meany-face jerk-pants.

Watching Bugs Bunny take Elmer Fudd down a peg? That's funny.

Watching George Costanza's petty little machinations? That's funny.

Watching somebody take advantage of another person's innocent trust simply because he woke up and decided to be an ass to anyone and everyone?

That's "Ghost Boy."

November Update

Gonna be taking a couple weeks off for real life stuff.

Will return with new recaps of a show I haven't covered in a while.

Review: Goosebumps "Werewolf Skin"

Sorry, I can't really be bothered to say something snarky here. I googled "skin" to try and come up with jokes on the title of this two-parter, and I got some horrifying news stories to instantly pop up, from some lady with worms under her skin to a guy who got the skin on his arm bitten off.

So my mind is occupied with trying to not think about skin. Although I must say that these two episodes all of a sudden seem a lot tamer...

Recap: "Goosebumps" Werewolf Skin, Part 2

Now, you might be thinking at this point that it's pretty ironic for a town called Wolf Creek to have a werewolf problem. And you'd be wrong. "Ironic" means "the opposite of what's expected."

If Wolf Creek had a vampire problem, that would be ironic.

If a Goosebumps episode ended without an ironic twist, that would, ironically, be ironic due to the absence of irony... which would then mean that it didn't end ironically, so....

Oh, dear, I've gone cross-eyed.

Happy Halloween! Have a scary day!

Recap: "Goosebumps" Werewolf Skin, Part 1

Readers, for Halloween this year, I'd like to welcome you to the final werewolf story to be adapted into a Goosebumps episode. And ironically, the first one I'm going over. And like "The Werewolf of Fever Swamp," this one's a two-parter.

Full-body werewolf costumes are expensive, I guess. Gotta get your money's worth.

Recap: Doctor Who "The Face of Evil" Episode 1

Today, the Doctor goes someplace and causes more of a stir than usual. And when you consider that the Doctor usually upheaves six civilizations before breakfast on your average day, that's really saying something. Of course, you have to keep in mind that a "day" is a very arbitrary concept when time travel is involved.

Time is an illusion. Breakfast time doubly so.

Review: Goosebumps "Ghost Beach"

This is definitely one of the better adaptations. And by that, I'm referring to the actual process of adapting the book into a TV episode.

Recap: Goosebumps "Ghost Beach"

There are some pretty interesting monsters out there. Well, not really "out there," I guess, since if "monsters" existed, we'd probably just call most of them "animals."

But unique and interesting monsters add flavor to the world's various mythologies and folk tales. Conversely, there are also some very mundane monsters. Wikipedia's exhaustive list of every mythological creature is simply inundated with "forest spirits." You could conceivably make an incredibly dangerous drinking game out of it.

But I'd personally say the least creative sub-category of monster is "Undead," which... well, I mean, just open up an old D&D Monster Manual and look at the undead. Wights, ghouls, zombies, ghasts, skeletons, liches... most of these things are some kind of variation on "Dead guy who doesn't act dead. May or may not still have flesh attached."

If I had to pick the least interesting monster, I would bestow that dishonor upon the humble ghost. (And if I had to pick the least interesting ghost, it'd be Casper, but that's neither here nor there.)

Throughout the history of storytelling, ghosts have been done to death, if you'll pardon the intentional pun. This is why many ghosts in modern tales have something to them that makes them more interesting than simply being a ghost. M. Night Shyamalan's first major twist ending was the realization that the main character was a ghost the whole time, R.L. Stine brought us a headless ghost, and J.K. Rowling topped that strangeness with a nearly-headless ghost.

Today, I'm delving into R.L. Stine's gimmick-free ghost story.

No barking ghosts, no headless ghosts, no ghost camps, no twist where the protagonist was a ghost the whole time, nothing. Just ghosts.

And a beach.

Review: Gravity Falls "Summerween"

You know, just for fun, I'll do my usual post-Goosebumps checklist to see how this episode fares as a Goosebumps episode.

Barking Dogs: No

Boring Best Friend: No
There are very few "boring" people in Gravity Falls.

Child Grabbing: Yes
The Summerween Trickster nabs the kids multiple times.

Foliage POV Cam: Yes

Mad Scientist: No.
But who knows exactly how the Summerween Trickster became sentient in the dump? Perhaps Old Man McGucket was mixin' himself a batch o' toxic chemicals what went bad.

Murder: Yes
Protagonist Murder: 1
Soos ate a man alive.
Total Murder: 1

Red Paint: Possibly.
I'm not sure what Stan's fake blood was made from.

Werewolves: No

The mailman does not appear.

X-Files Shout-Out: No
Yeah, I could see something like this as a Goosebumps episode, especially with one of the protagonists murdering the main monster. Although Soos's method of execution is a bit more brutal than, say, aging an old woman to death.

Recap: Gravity Falls "Summerween"

Today, Gravity Falls does its first Halloween special.

Ordinarily, this wouldn't be very noteworthy, since plenty of cartoons do Halloween specials. And I'd actually be recapping this on Halloween. But this show takes place during a single summer, meaning that simply setting the episode on Halloween is right out, barring time travel shenanigans. And it's too soon after the last time to do more time travel shenanigans.

So how do you take a show with an already heavy supernatural/sci-fi element and give it a distinctly Halloween theme without actually setting it on Halloween?

The solution they hit upon is certainly creative.

Happy Summerween, everybody!

Review: Goosebumps "Be Careful What You Wish For"

On a note unrelated to my examination of this episode, the tagline for the original book was “It might come true.” Which isn’t so much a “tagline” as it is a “continuation of the saying that forms the book’s title.”

It’s not relevant one bit, but it bugs me.

Recap: Goosebumps "Be Careful What You Wish For"

R.L. Stine is often written off as somebody who writes nothing but kiddie monster stories with nonsensical twist endings. But I think it's important to keep in mind that the man can branch out if he ever wants to. I mean, we are talking about Jovial Bob Stine, the author of 101 Vacation Jokes, here.

Today, I'll be covering the first episode of Goosebumps's second season, which adapts a book that, had it not been printed as a Goosebumps book, might be found in the "young adult magical realism fantasy" section of the library, rather than the "children's horror short story anthology series" section.

It's a very precise library.

Intro: Doctor Who "The Face of Evil"

"Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion-- several of them."

- Mark Twain, The Lowest Animal

Writer Chris Boucher was very interested in religion. Not any specific religion in particular, just religion in general. Since the man was a devout atheist, he looked at religion from more of a sociological/anthropological standpoint. It fascinated him that over the years, across the globe, Earth has had a metric buttload of religions. Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Shinto, Vodou, Wicca, Pastafarianism, Jedi, and tons more, and that's not even counting the various Abrahamic religions. And all the various versions of each Abrahamic religion.

I mean, look at a term as simple as "Christian." That could mean anything. Lutheran? Baptist? Methodist? Protestant?

But I'm getting off track.

The point is that there are a lot of religions. And as Mark Twain noted, there are quite a few contradictory religions out there. Odds are, some of them aren't going to be entirely correct. I mean, I think Thor would have choice words for the people who say that Zeus is responsible for lightning, you know?

Chris Boucher looked at this phenomenon and thought "Where does religion come from? What sort of events fuel the creation of a full-blown system of morals and beliefs? Why are humans compelled to make gods for themselves?" So he began writing a story that would examine the consequences of a tribe of humans who inadvertently created their own god... in a pretty literal sense.

Typing that makes me want to replay Black and White.

Review: Goosebumps "The House of No Return"

Alright, this might have been a slow-paced episode packed to the brim with unclear protagonists which resorts to filler instead of plot, but...

....

Oh, crap, I think I just used up everything I had to say about this episode.

Recap: Goosebumps "The House of No Return"

Goosebumps is basically the kids' version of a B-grade slasher flick. It's cheesy, low-budget, and even if an episode isn't good per se, it can often be so-bad-it's-good.

Of course, there are some episodes that are simply so-bad-they're-still-bad. Chief among these is "The House of No Return," an episode so bad that it's not worth it to end this introduction with a proper joke.

I was considering some kind of joke regarding House of Mystery #131, but I'm not putting in the effort to make a joke only two people will get right away and only five people will bother to look up. Not for this episode.

So, you know that scheduled review?

As it turns out, I can't find the notes I assembled for my Batman Returns review. Or the G.I. Joe stuff.

Instead of scrambling to get them around, I'll be taking this time to finish up the stuff I've been preparing for October.

Review: Goosebumps "Stay Out of the Basement"

I can't believe I forgot to post this after my episode Recaps. Whoops.

It's been so long, I've nearly forgotten what part of the house I shouldn't go into.

...It's the bathroom, right? Pretty sure it's the bathroom.

Review: Gravity Falls "Little Dipper"

Sorry this is late. But isn't it appropriate that this episode's Review is... a little delayed?

Just a tiny joke.

...Sorry.

Recap: Gravity Falls "Little Dipper"

Today, Lil' Gideon returns to enact his tewwible widdle wevenge against a man who believes that owning ten guns will keep away maniacs with ladders.

Truly, this will require strategy worthy of praise from Sun Tzu himself.

September 2017 Announcements

Going to be a scaled-back month. My main goal is to post the things I've been meaning to post. The GI Joe Intro, the Batman Returns review, etc.

Happy Labor Day weekend!

Review: Heroes "Genesis"

Before I can review this episode, I have a confession to make. When I sat down to work on this, it had been at least a decade since I'd watched the show. As such, I realized something: I don't love this show as much as I once did. And the reason why is present in the very first episode.

Recap: Heroes: Chapter One: "Genesis" Part 2

So far in the series premiere of Heroes, one person is immortal, one person is a clockstopper, and everybody else is still figuring things out.

Some people are just late bloomers. It's fine.

Recap: Heroes: Chapter One: "Genesis" Part 1

Happy Eclipse, everybody!

What better way to celebrate the moon's journey between the Earth and the sun than with the TV show that milked that particular celestial phenomenon for all it's worth?

Besides, 2006 was a different time. Now that television has decided the time is right to bring us Arrow, The Flash, Supergirl, Inhumans, all that Netflix Marvel stuff, and however many X-Men-related TV shows Fox is doing, I think it might be fun to examine a period in history when the only way a superhero show could be taken seriously is if it didn't actually feature recognizable superheroes.

The pre-Iron Man/The Dark Knight days truly were a strange time to be a superhero fan.

Review: The Batman "The Big Chill"

You know, this episode's title will later get two callbacks with "The Big Heat" and "The Big Dummy." So let's see what previous episodes would look like with similar titles!

"The Bat in the Belfry"
"The Big Joke"

"Call of the Cobblepot"
"The Big Jerk"

"Traction"
"The Big Guy"

"The Man Who Would Be Bat"
"The Big Bat"

I think the third one's particularly on-the-nose, so perhaps it's for the best they didn't go with that title.

Recap: The Batman: "The Big Chill"

Batman: The Animated Series = Zig

The Batman = Zag

I keep saying this, I know, but I think it bears repeating here. This episode was inevitably going to be one of The Batman's biggest challenges. To be sure, reinventing the Joker was certainly going to be difficult after Mark Hamill's legendary run, but Batman: TAS reinvented Mr. Freeze in such a way that changed the way his comic portrayal was handled forever.

Mr. Freeze was a joke villain before Paul Dini and Bruce Timm got ahold of him.

A nobody.

A C-lister.

He was a one-dimensional gimmick villain who was largely abandoned after the Silver Age. So much so that before B:TAS, he once showed up as a resident of Comic Book Limbo, where all the forgotten characters disappear to; a strange realm filled with such residents as the Red Bee, the Boy Billionaires, and the Space Canine Patrol Agents.

His spot in Limbo was probably taken by Walker Gabriel.
If you just thought “Who?” then you’ve illustrated my point.

So today, The Batman has two choices

1. Imitate Batman: The Animated Series and hope that the new Mr. Freeze holds up.
2. Go in a direction other than the wildly-successful B:TAS did… and hope that the new Mr. Freeze holds up.

So let's see how Choice B worked out for them.

Also to be referred to as Operation: Zag.

Internet/Phone Update

After about a week, it has returned, better than ever. We're hooked up to some new cables that should be more reliable.

But due to reason of visiting relatives, posts will resume the 14th, with a special solar eclipse post on the 21st.

It's good to be able to use Google again.

A Haiku

No internet/phone
It's a provider outage
Maybe post Monday?

Recap: "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" Part 3: Land and Air... and Sea

You might be wondering why I haven't complained about or even really commented too much on the Joes being an international team, rather than "Real American Heroes." Well, that's because the G.I. Joe toys became global peacekeepers from all across the globe when the franchise was rebooted into the '80s cartoon version. Action Force: International Heroes.

And prior to that, old school G.I. Joes were known as "Action Man" across the pond.

Sorry if I shattered any illusions.

On Nurse Duty

I hate to go on full hiatus again... so I won't.

I was planning on taking this next week off anyway, so I'm moving up this break and extending it to two weeks.

As the title of this post alludes, I'm looking after a family member as they recover from minor surgery. They're absolutely fine, it's just hard to do certain things for yourself when the Doctor says you have to keep your face pointed at the ground for fifty minutes out of every hour for ten days.

So there I'll be, buying groceries, cooking, et cetera.

During this time, I will also be working on unfinished business in the form of unposted reviews, and the G.I. Joe Intro I forgot to schedule. Whoops.

Normal posts resume the 24th. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Recap: "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" Part 2: Batteries Not Included

And now it's July 5th. The party's over.

Like going back to work at the office the day after your 21st birthday, America has wrapped up the festivities as both it and the rest of the world try to sift through the tricky, often sticky, mess that is the current state of global affairs.

I mean, what, North Korea's got missiles and heartburn meds might lead to death? Yeesh.

That's why I'm glad to be returning to a fictional world where heroes and villains are clearly defined, Americans all have square jaws, and all the world's problems can be solved by a small band of heroes!

Which actually describes a lot of the things I cover, actually.

Recap: "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" Part 1: Collect Them All!

Today is July 4^th. This is the day we as a nation come together to honor the ideals our country stands for.

 “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights; that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

And since July 4^th is usually celebrated by watching stuff blow up, it only seems right to talk about a movie where a lot stuff blows up in the name of America.

It was either this or Team America: World Police. I picked the one that isn't self-aware parody.

Site News: July, 2017

Every summer, like clockwork, my internet seems to go out when the first set of high winds stop by.

Hopefully, it'll be back Monday. Until then, I'm limited by what I can do with my phone. And what I can do is a monthly update.

At least, I can type this using my phone's note program until my cell phone service decides to work.

This'll be the last regular monthly update, since all I usually do is say "Business as usual" before some unforeseen complication changes my plans.

To combat this, I'll regularly be taking time off every month to give myself a bit of a safety net for things like this. I'll be taking my first break the week after the Fourth. The week OF the Fourth, however, I'll be covering a patriotic film, as per usual.

See you then!

Recap: Goosebumps "Stay Out of the Basement Part 2"

Previously on Goosebumps, an unemployed dad started hanging out in the basement and making his family worry about him and the odd plants he's growing down there.

Just like "The Haunted Mask," if you take away the supernatural elements, you've got a recipe for drama.

Review: Doctor Who "The Gunfighters"

Well, pardners, y'all should feel free as the proverbial bird to disagree with m'opinion. If'n any o' y'all....

Sorry. Got a little too into the spirit of things.

Feel free to disagree with me. You know. In general.

If you like something I don't, or if you hate something I love, I cannot tell you you're wrong. We are each entitled to our own opinions.  Sure, I might end a Review by saying something that sure sounds definitive like "This was an ill-thought out travesty," but that's still merely my own opinion. I may have formed that opinion because of facts, like maybe the lead actor was reading his lines off of a post-it note he had in his hand while clearly drunk, but at the end of the day, each person is allowed to take the facts at hand and form their own opinion on whether or not they enjoyed something.

I bring this up because I feel as though this story has an undeserved reputation.

Doctor Who, a series stretching three decades during its original run, has had its fair share of terrible plots, terrible acting, and terrible special effects. So why is it that a story that has a pretty good plot, some solid performances, and few-to-no botched effects went down in history as the worst story in the show's history, even by people who have never seen the episode?

Many reasons.

Recap: Goosebumps "Stay Out of the Basement Part 1"

I mentioned previously that R.L. Stine was a huge fan of E.C. Comics in general- and Tales From the Crypt in particular- when he was naught but a young'un. And there's a definite E.C. Comics influence in many of his Goosebumps stories.

Last March, R.L. Stine broke into the medium of comic books with the release of his first issue of Man-Thing for Marvel. And may I be the first to wish Mr. Stine the best of luck in the medium!

...Yes, I do realize I'm probably not the first to wish him luck by a long shot. I guess that's what I get for taking such a long break.

Anyway, today, I've got a little something special planned in Stine's honor. Since Man-Thing is a comic book about a scientist who became a living plant monster, I'll be looking at an episode of Goosebumps that basically does the same thing. It'll be like seeing Man-Thing done on a TV budget!

Which shouldn't fill you with hope, since the actual TV Man-Thing has 17% on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing.

Review: "Spider-Man 3"

You know, it's funny how these things work sometimes. This week, as I posted my Recaps, I became aware of a so-called "Editor's Cut" of Spider-Man 3 that was due to be released soon.

I don't know too much about it, and when I first became aware of it, I thought it was a fan-made work, like the version of The Phantom Menace that cuts out Jar Jar Binks. But it seems to be a legitimate release, so perhaps someday I'll take a look at it and post my thoughts on it.

But as of right now... I don't think improving this movie is a matter of editing.

Recap: "Spider-Man 3" Part 3: Friend or Foe

And here we are. The final third of the final third.

...

I was going to do a thing where I asked questions like "Will all these people's stories come to their conclusion?" but I already know that they don't. The ending is very disappointing and I'm not going to tease you with hope.

I mean, I'm not cruel.

Recap: "Spider-Man 3" Part 2: A Spider Steep'd

Okay, okay, I'm done referring to Peter's webs as "secretions."  I mean, I probably won't get another chance, since organic webshooters aren't too common in Spider-Man adaptations, but I'm starting to gross myself out.

I mean, the guy just secretes on everything.

Recap: "Spider-Man 3" Part 1: The End of the Green Goblin!

It's good to be back after that long break. Siting down and talking about a Spider-Man film feels like coming home. And hoo boy, there's a lot to analyze, so let's waste no more time.

Oh, and a big thanks to all my readers! Happy 4th NewtCave Anniversary!

Recap: "Spider-Man 3" Intro

Spider-Man 3 was inevitable.

The first film helped breathe new life into the superhero genre, and the second one has been referred to by some as one of the greatest superhero films of all time. Mostly right when it came out.

So, really, why wouldn't they make a third?

I seriously don’t think anything could have stopped this. Even if Tobey Maguire had suddenly and tragically passed away before they started filming, I’m certain they would have simply recast the role with Jake Gyllenhaal. After all, Sony was seriously considering it for the second film after Maguire kept complaining about a back injury he received during Seabiscuit.

In fact, I recently found out that Maguire was technically fired by Sony before they filmed the second movie, with Maguire having to fight to re-earn his role. (Maguire definitely came out on top, since they raised his pay by $13 million to do the second film, compared to the first.)

It wouldn’t be the last time Sony played hardball with the lead in their Spider-Man films, but that’s a story for another time.

Today, it’s time to see how what was to be a surefire hit left an entire franchise in question.

Like that time an even-numbered Star Trek movie turned out to be terrible and their only hope was to reboot.

The NewtCave Returns!

This June, posts will resume!

Thank you all for your continued patience!

View Log: New Spider-Man Film

The latest Spider-Man film is the Spider-Man story we've been waiting for since Sam Raimi was making these. There's a snappy wit and a lot of love for the source material backed up by tremendous onscreen talent.

As for anything else... spoilers ahead!

Never the End

The NewtCave is going on hiatus for an undetermined period of time.

I will be using this time to focus on my health and wellbeing.

I'd like to thank all of my readers for reading and commenting over the past few years.

"One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."

-The Doctor

So What's Been Going On?

This past week or two, I had me a little bit of a health scare. For all our sakes, I'll avoid the TMI details and get down to brass tacks.

I'm fine. I've been checked out and am currently awaiting the results of the test they're running to double-check, but my doctor has given me the a-ok.

On top of that, the biggest weather-related blackout in Michigan has wrecked my internet speed.

So just in case, the NewtCave will continue its impromptu break until Monday. Just to make sure I can get things back on track.

Thank you for your patience.

March RE-Announcments

I hate to leave you all in the dark. But at the moment, the NewtCave will be going on a short break as I deal with real life.

Consider this an impromptu spring break.

A thousand apologies; I'll have an explanation within a week or so, and hopefully a schedule.

March Announcements

I'm feeling much better, but have fallen behind in a few things, blog included.

The NewtCave will be Mondays-only for the foreseeable future, and posts resume Monday.

Ev'rybody Gettin' Sick

My girlfriend is sick. Her mom is sick. My cousin is sick. My aunt is sick. My grandma is sick. My grandpa is sick.

And yes, I am sick.

Apparently, most of the people on the above list got the flu a little over a week ago and ate only just now getting over it.

I just got it a couple days ago.

I'll keep you all updated.

Recap: Doctor Who "The Gunfighters" Episode 4: The O.K. Corral

Yes, with a title like that, it seems as though the fateful hour is inching closer. It's entirely the wrong hour, since the gunfight happened at a different time in real life, but why should the serial decide to suddenly get something correct?

The real Johnny Ringo would be pretty surprised to hear he was involved, too.

Review: Teen Titans Go! "La Larva de Amor"

Definitivamente uno de los mejores episodios de la serie. No, en realidad no hablo español. Así que espero que Google esté traduciendo correctamente mi plátano.

Recap: Teen Titans Go! "La Larva de Amor"

I have not yet covered a show on this blog that doesn't have at least one episode I like, except perhaps The Super Hero Squad Show. Ultimate Spider-Man, Goosebumps, and even Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. have all managed to impress me once or twice.

And yes, readers, that means what you think it means.

I like this episode.

I wish it didn't take me this long to find an episode I truly like, but the first few episodes were still finding their footing.

The show will still be finding its footing for a bit, but that's neither here nor there.

Review: Goosebumps "The Girl Who Cried Monster"

Honestly, I don't need to analyze the plot to this episode. I probably should, for the sake of thoroughness, but I'll freely admit that doing so in detail would be a waste of time for us both. I've got laundry to do and you only have so much time to read this during your bathroom break.

Plot/Themes

It riffs on "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," with the twist ending that the girl crying monster is also a monster.

Boom. Done.

You're smart. You get it. I shouldn't have to go into any more detail there if you actually read the Recap or watched the episode.

So now I can focus my efforts on an aspect of this episode that is worth talking about in detail: The world-building.

Recap: Goosebumps "The Girl Who Cried Monster"

February is Black History Month, that time of year where we honor the brave men and women throughout history who have given their time, effort, and in some cases, lives, to end slavery, stand up for equal rights, and strive to break racism's grip on the world. The idea that all peoples on this Earth can coexist, united in the knowledge that we are all just as human as each other, is an important one.

Unfortunately, there are only 12 months in the year. February honors a lot of other things, too. Most of them being things that people don't really care about as much as Black History Month.

February is also National Cherry Month, National Grapefruit Month, National Heart Month (because Valentine's Day, get it?), National Children's Dental Health Month, and many more, including National Library Lover's Month.

So on this, the spoopiest of all days, Monday the Thirteenth, I'll be looking at the only episode of Goosebumps, a staple of local libraries in the 1990s, to prominently feature a library. As well as one of the best-written female protagonists in the entire show, which is why I originally had this Recap reserved for Women's History Month before a certain library decided it would be a hoot to put anti-theft stickers on their DVDs that might break my DVD player, to say nothing of my computer’s disk drive.

"Not responsible,” my foot!

Yes, I realize that I’m observing Library Lovers Month in response to a library making things difficult for me.
I am well aware of the irony.

Recap: Dcotor Who "The Gunfighters" Episode 3: Johnny Ringo

When last we left off, the situation was grim. Or at the very least, dire. The Doctor was in the jailhouse, the Clantons still thought the time traveling old man was Doc Holliday, and now they've rounded up a mob to hang Steven unless the Doctor gives himself up.

The only way things could be worse is if they needed to hijack a train to power their time machine.

Review: The Batman "The Man Who Would Be Bat"

According to the book that forms the basis for this episode's title, the wheel of the world swings through the same phases again and again. Indeed, each and every Batman cartoon finds itself using the same characters over and over and over.

The creators of Beware the Batman, quite aware of this, opted to focus on lesser-known characters to combat this. Man-Bat, incidentally, was one of them.

But years before Beware the Batman attempted to turn Man-Bat into a sympathetic, tragic character, The Batman stuck to his classic depiction as a mad scientist-turned-monster, for better and for worse. But mostly for "meh."

Recap: The Batman "The Man Who Would Be Bat"

Today, somebody tries to fulfill that oldest of adages in the most literal way.

"Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman."

Always be Batman.

Post Delayed to Tuesday

New internet cables have been going in nearby, which has been slowing down my alread-slow internet considerably.

Sorry for the inconvenience; I guess this is what I get for living in the middle of nowhere.

Doctor Who: "The Gunfighters" Episode 2: Don't Shoot the Pianist

When last we left off, the Doctor and company were in Tombstone, Arizona during the Old West. The Doctor had been mistaken for local troublemaker/dentist Doc Holliday by a man named Seth "Don't Call Me Snake-Eyes" Harper, who invited him to the saloon for a bit of "drinking" with the Clanton brothers, who just so happen to have a bone to pick with Holliday since he shot their other brother.

The Doctor's companions, mistaken for pals of "Holliday," are being forced to entertain the Clantons at gunpoint to ensure that they can't help "Holliday" get the drop on the Clantons.

And all because the Doctor insisted on getting a dentist to yank his tooth.

You think that's bad, though?
Troy ended up burning because the Doctor pretended he was Zeus and had a little idea anout a horse.

Site News: February 2017 Announcements

I know I usually post these on the first, but I had to make a couple last-second alterations to this month's schedule. But, uh, there's really nothing to announce. I'm healing up fine from the removal of my wisdom teeth, I'm back on solid foods, and I've been attempting to finish up my Reviews of Batman Returns as well as Ultimate Spider-Man Season 1. Expect those no later than March, depending on how scheduling works out. Possibly early April for the USM Review. It all depends on how the schedule works out; I'm still tweaking it.

Hey, speaking of Spider-Man, let me explain why I had to do some last-second alterations.  So, I'm at the mercy of my local library for a few of the things I cover on my blog. So when I thought it would be fun to do more Spectacular Spider-Man, I ordered the DVD through the library catalog. And it recently came in. And it had some kind of Jack Kirby-looking design on it. Like a sticker.This is anti-theft protection, which keeps people from snatching a DVD and running off with it.

Okay, I understand that preventing theft is a good thing that keeps libraries in business. But there's a problem with this system. They know what it is. And I know THEY know what the problem is because they put a sticker on the DVD telling me that playing the DVD they're letting me borrow runs the risk of damaging my DVD player.

So how about you don't put this thing on your DVDs that breaks DVD players, and I won't get mad at you for breaking my DVD player? I think that sounds like a fair deal.

If you got a sandwich from Subway and they told you that Subway is not responsible for any injury caused by the razors in the sandwich, I think you'd be pretty angry that they put razors in your sandwich.

To be fair, I understand that libraries need to ensure that people don't steal their stuff. But... seriously, can y'all find a better way to do it than by possibly breaking the DVD player of somebody who's playing by your rules?

Why not keep the DVD cases on display EMPTY and put the DVDs in after a customer takes it to the check-out counter? Like GameStop. As far as I know, there's only ONE LIBRARY in Michigan that uses this destructive method of anti-theft protection. I won't name names, but you know who you are.  I love you to death, library, but we're both going to need to work together to make this relationship strong.

Okay. Love you, library. I'm glad we could talk it out like this.

Recap: Doctor Who "The Gunfighters" Episode 1: A Holiday for the Doctor

Who doesn't love mixing Westerns with science fiction? The juxtaposition of the new and the old, the complex and the simple...

Okay, so it takes a bit more work than just tossing different elements together.

I mean, really, is it any wonder Firefly got the fan following it did?

So it's no wonder that Doctor Who has tried twice to make a Western episode catch on with audiences. Tried and failed both times, unfortunately. "A Town Called Mercy," though it certainly has its fans, seems to have left people thinking it should have had a bit more oomph to it, and "The Gunslingers" has often been called the worst serial of... ever.

Yeah, I'm diving right into the thick of Classic Doctor Who to start things off.

Intro: Doctor Who "The Gunfighters"

As my regular readers know, I recently had both of my wisdom teeth removed.

Here's the big bag of used gauze I've been creating to prove it.

Since I've been watching some Classic Doctor Who during my recovery (which helps take my mind of the fact that I can't really eat anything more complicated than sloppy joe meat, sans bun), I figure it's the perfect time to begin venturing forth into episodes that actually got made, as opposed to my earlier Recap/Review of the perpetually incomplete Fourth Doctor serial "Shada."

I will be doing this out of order, thanks to the difficulties with watching the series in its "proper" order. Attempting to watch Doctor Who in its broadcast order is a madness-inducing exercise in futility that puts many people off the Classic Series before they ever learn that they're not required to start at the beginning. The biggest obstacle in this respect, of course, being that some early episodes are either partially or completely missing, which I'll go into detail about in a future post.

As long as you know that the Doctor is an alien time-traveler who flies around in an oddly disguised time-ship alongside his often-human traveling companions... then you know all you need to know to start reading these Recaps. Heck, that single sentence was all you really need to begin watching the Classic Series, really.

But before we begin with today's story, "The Gunfighters," it's probably a good idea to go into why and how this story even exists. Especially since, as I'll later elaborate upon, there are plenty of people who wish that it never did exist.

And... well, I'll admit that I'd prefer this serial be one of the missing episodes rather than something like "Fury of the Deep" or "The Abominable Snowmen." But we can play the "What If?" game another time. Right now, it's time to play the "Why?" game.

And the "Who" game. Pun definitely intended.

Batman (1943 Serial) Archive

Episode 01: "The Electrical Brain"
- Recap

Site News: Post-Wisdom Teeth Health Update

Today, I'll be posting something a little more personal than my usual fare, following the removal of my wisdom teeth.

First and foremost, I am fine. I just can't have solid foods the way I used to for a couple weeks.

The idea of having surgery performed on me was, I admit, very stressful, and it was one of the contributing factors to my many late updates for the last few months. I was utterly convinced that I was going to die for a while. As it turns out, I'm terrified of surgery. So really, this whole experience was one of self-discovery.

But all things considered, extraction of wisdom teeth is a relatively safe procedure, with even elevated risks being no big deal in the larger scheme of things.

So for those of you out there who might be either curious regarding the procedure, or might need some reassurance for your own procedure, or just what to hear what I was l like while hopped up on meds, this is the story of the removal of my wisdom teeth.

About a year ago, my dentist recommended that they should come out some time in mid-2016. They weren't impacted, or anything, but they had no sense of personal space. And even with my regular flossing routine, they could cause tiny food and drink particles to stick between my molars and weaken the enamel.

And... yeah, I didn't follow my dentist's advice. I was put off by the idea of surgery, and I instead opted to just try and floss and rinse really well.

Two trips after that to get fillings in my worn-down molars was enough. I decided those wisdom teeth were coming out.

Like most chronic worrywarts, I went online and found a plethora of frightening articles about "the risks they don't tell you about!" and so forth and suchlike. So that was a mistake.

I went to the recommended dental surgery guy, and he filled me in on all the risks, And actually, there were surprisingly few, and they were all comparatively minor, for surgery.

The big two possible problems are as follows.

1: The wisdom teeth have taken root. Permanently.

This applies to people past their mid-20s. So that worried me, even though all that does is make them a little harder to get out.

2: The wisdom tooth root has become part of your sinuses.

This apparently occurs in about 1% of cases. And when it happens... well, it's no big deal. They fix it.

He also told me that I would be getting local anesthesia (no big deal there; not after my fillings) as well as sedation by IV drip, which is considered a safer alternative to general anesthesia.

And yet, I left the consultation still terrified. What if I had some negative reaction to the sedation? What if... well, I was basically worried that anything that I had no power over could go wrong. It's at times like this that I remember the words of Star Trek's Worf.

"Thinking about what you can't control only wastes energy. And creates its own energy."

As a chronic worrywort, this advice has actually gotten me through a lot of sleepless nights.

But as the days went by, I found myself unable to properly focus on the NewtCave, as I'm sure many of you noticed. It took me much longer than usual to get my posts up to a quality level I was happy with. That is, when I could even find the willpower to work on them.

And then, the fateful day came. January 20th. Which just so happened to also be Inauguration Day. As if that wasn't already bad enough.

I took my Valium at noon, one hour before my appointment. That kept me nice and loopy between watching Judge Dredd and paying at the front desk. Then they took me back, gave me an oxygen mask, hooked up the laughing gas, and left me for a bit.

I was not calm. Every once in a while, the machine monitoring my pulse would let loose a quick "beepbeepbeep" and flash a warning about my CO2 levels. Yeah, that calmed me down just fine. (As it turns out, they hadn't hooked up the thing it was trying to measure yet, causing the machine to freak out.)

But they all filed in to begin the job, talking about the inauguration and some of the funny things that people have been saying.

They found a vein in my hand and jammed in the IV the last thing I really remember is being told that the sedation would sneak up on me. And I guess it did, because the next thing I knew, my girlfriend was in the room and Peter Frampton's "Show Me the Way" was playing on speakers overhead.

Everything went as well as could be expected, with both my wisdom teeth out with a minimum of fuss. (My bottom wisdom teeth don't exist. I don't just mean they never came in, they do not exist and never have.) The procedure was actually done in around half an hour, which is also the amount of time I spent crying after the procedure.

Apparently, as they explained to my girlfriend, crying is one of the side effects of whatever drug they gave me. And I'm not afraid to tell you that I was bawling.

It was a very emotional moment for me, 50% because of the drug, but 50% because I was so glad to be alive. Except... I was convinced for the longest time that they hadn't actually done anything yet, since I didn't remember them doing it. So you can add confusion to my simultaneous depression and elation.

The first words I remember saying were "I like Peter Frampton." I also remember that when they unhooked me from the monitor, it started resuming its little beeping fit.

"Shut up, you don't know anything!" I said to the monitor.

I asked the nurse about my blood pressure, which I was apparently very concerned about, and then at some point, I told both my girlfriend and the nurse to stop patronizing me. I remember being aware enough to know that they were saying things like "Yeah," and "Uh-huh" like you would do to a child, or... well, somebody who was delirious. Which I was. I was also aware enough to realize that what I had said was rude, so I ended up apologizing and telling the nurse that she had a nice bedside manner.

Speaking of apologizing, I apparently did a lot of that, too. I don't exactly remember what for, though.

What I found most difficult, however, was getting up.

"Do you want to try standing up?" I was asked.

"I can't," I said. "I'm in a chair."

But miraculously, I found some way to my feet and was helped to the car by the wonderful nurse who must have put up with a lot of grumpy, confused nonsense from me, and I applaud her for it. She even helped me get my coat on.

I sobered up along the way to the pharmacy, where I mostly lamented being unable to eat anything from all the delicious restaurants we were passing. Sensing my frustration, my girlfriend reminded me that I had bought some nice applesauce the other day to eat during my recovery.

I was not as enthusiastic as she was and decided to deliriously swear at the idea of applesauce.

The trip to the pharmacy was uneventful, save for saying hi to a worker there I went to high school with. The trip home was just as uneventful, as were the various naps I took for a few hours.

I have to go back in a few days, and they'll take a look and see how my sockets are healing up... but yeah, I'm doin' fine.

In order to distract myself from the fact that I can't eat much more than soggy bread, broth, and room temperature yogurt for the time being... well, I have little to do but work on the NewtCave and sleep.

But to keep from overexerting myself in any way, I'll be taking the rest of this week off from new posts, although I will be using that time to finally sort the posts from the end of last year.

Really, I just don't want to rush myself and fall into the old trap of having to post things late.

Regular posts resume the 30th, and February 1st will feature a schedule update which, since I won't be wasting time worrying about by wisdom teeth, I might actually be able to keep for the first time in a while.

I know exactly what I'm posting the 30th, too. It's gonna be a bit of a "Me Day" for a while. And since I already covered "Me Day," I'll be looking at the Classic Doctor Who serial that I've been watching while I recover.

See you then!