|Don't get too excited. He said ironically.|
|Tried and true.|
|And I think I've figured it out.|
Mary Jane asks
Spider-Man: “It’s important for your friendly neighborhood superhero to know the top media movers and shakers.”
Forget the Daily Bugle, Spider-Man. You should have gone for the Colbert Bump. Of course, I think The Colbert Report ended, but you could always try The Daily Show.
Actually, why is Sipdey doing this interview? It’s not because he has a crush on MJ. It was outright stated that they’re just friends. So is he risking blowing his secret identity wide open for a simple favor? That’s really nice of him, but probably not the best career move, seeing as how he’s failing to disguise his voice in front of someone who knows Peter Parker personally.
Anyway, it’s time for the Wal-Mart brand version of Richard Donner’s Superman’s “Can You Read My Mind?” scene, so Spider-Man takes her swinging through the city as the handheld camera statics past this and shows us the aftermath. Yes, this episode is using staticky cuts between angles, exactly like how real world digital camcorders don't. Still, I do like the “found footage” feel of this episode. Despite the static.
After they land, she begins to recognize his voice, which he immediately tries to disguise. Again, I'd like to point out that in that earlier episode, Peter made fun of the idea of letting MJ interview him because she would obviously recognize his voice. Anyway, Mary Jane asks if he'll unmask, and he does, revealing a second mask underneath. Cute.
Mary Jane: "Cute."
MJ then goes on to explain that she's not yet a Daily Bugle reporter, but plans on entering this video in some kind of contest, hoping to earn an internship. Which is obviously why she plans on giving a fair interview to J. Jonah Jameson’s favorite target for bad news practices. Speaking of that particular devil, Jameson is busy ranting from the Bugletron across the street. But enough about news standards, it's time for some action! And what better way to add some spice to the episode by having a giant green man crash land right near them?
Mary Jane: "Manhattan has just been attacked by... The Hulk?"
And so, the Road to Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. begins.
|It begins with a look straight up a nose, no doubt foreshadowing "All About the Ego."|
Mary Jane: "The Hulk is a massive man-monster of mayhem."
Protip: "Man-monster" and "monster-man" are not exactly interchangeable. Mary Jane has just described... shall we say... a destructive giant-size man-thing.
|And not this one, if you know what I mean.|
Stan: “Although, what passes for a monster these days is… is sad.”
|You have no idea, Stan.|
Hulk: "Hulk not fighting Bug-Man. Bug-Man better get out of Hulk’s way."
Hulk finishes his thoughts by yelling that he hates paparazzi and throws Spider-Man away. Mary Jane rushes over to see if he's okay, and he gives a thumbs-up, complete with meow sound effect. No, I don't know either. He gets back up, and utterly fails to hurt the Hulk in any way before being swatted away. But after some persistence, he manages to web up Hulk's eyes.
Hulk: "Hulk starting to hate Bug-Man as much as Energy-Man!”
Spider-Man: "'Energy-Man'? Who's Energy-Man?"
|"Also, how do I shot web?"|
|Does whatever an energy can.|
|You know, in case we forgot what we just saw.|
Goon: "Sorry, Spider; I'm a Jameson fan."
Insert politically-charged police joke here.
The cops open fire like this was Gotham City while Spidey keeps trying to convince them, and MJ keeps ad-libbing narration to the camera as Hulk fights the Energy-Man. Said Energy-Man zaps the Hulk and grows bigger, finally becoming normally visible without night vision. As the heroes all flee and regroup, Spidey radios in for S.H.I.E.L.D. backup, but they're taking down a threat over in Jersey.
Spider-Man: "You can't just let Jersey go?"
No, I didn't add that. That was actually in the episode as a sound effect.
Hey, here’s a question. If S.H.I.E.L.D. is supposed to be a government organization on par with the CIA, FBI, or NCIS, then how come they’ve only got, like, fifty guys and a single vehicle? Why isn’t the Strategic Homeland Enforcement blah blah blah capable of strategically enforcing the protection of the homeland?
Fury promises to head over ASAP, and Spidey heads back to team up with the Hulk. Spidey tells Hulk to aim the smashing towards the river, but MJ locates a nearby water tower that would work to short out the monster, too. Because it’s not like buildings need their water supply. Spidey tips it over, and vanquishes the Energy-Man before heading down to the Hulk.
Hulk: "Bug-Man smash good."
Well, Hulk. Bug-Man smash well.
Hulk leaps away, and Spider-Man starts getting suspicious about how easy it was to defeat the monster. I mean, there’s still almost half the episode left. He and Mary Jane head into the subway and, what do you know, it's back. Spidey gets zapped repeatedly, and Hulk comes back for the save. Spidey leads MJ away, and he and the Hulk fight the energy monster as MJ once again tells us things we already know.
|And if you actually needed the plot explained to you a second time this episode, then you probably forgot that I showed this picture twice already.|
Nick Fury: “Well, that’s just perfect. Ready to hear Plan B, Einstein.”
Yeah, because it’s not like S.H.I.E.L.D. has scientists of their own to come up with a solution.
Spider-Man insists that all that’s needed is to throw more electrical devices into the energy monster. Batteries, flashlights, they all get added to the mix. But it’s still not enough. Soon, all that remains is Mary Jane’s camera, and she willingly sacrifices it to the effort. Spidey throws it into the energy monster, and the last thing the camera picks up before glitching out is a shot of the monster screaming.
We then fade in to the regular, non-first person point of view. Spider-Man and Hulk weren’t hurt by the resulting explosion, but Mary Jane is nowhere to be found. Spidey and Hulk dig through the rubble and find a perfectly safe Mary Jane, thus relieving the momentary “tension.” With a little persuasion, Spidey convinces S.H.I.E.L.D. to let the heroic Hulk go, and gives MJ the memory card he swiped before he threw it. Don’t ask where the footage of the events after he swiped the memory card came from. He webs away, and we cut to the end of MJ's finished video.
|Wait, post-production? But… the ad-libbing! The bad narration! The waffling at the beginning! Why did you keep all that in the video?!|
Jameson: “Saw your footage, Watson. There might be a place for you at the Bugle. If you send your work to me before you post it next time.”
As Peter Parker says that maybe Mary Jane will get to see who Spider-man really is someday, the episode ends. Let's review the first step of the journey of four episodes.