Recap: Avengers Assemble "Guardians and Space Knights"

So let's cut the chitchat and start recappin'! I'm excited for this one. With the way they were portrayed in Ultimate Spider-Man last time, I could take or leave the Guardians. But an appearance by ROM the Spaceknight? Yes, please!

Because somebody has to love the characters you've never heard of.

We start... I don't know. There's red... swirly things... possibly wibbly things... and the Avenjet. It's flying. I guess the Avengers are going through a wormhole, because Hawkeye tells the others to bid a fond farewell to Dimension-Z.  But which one? You see, there was one Dimension-Z that was ruled over by Arnim Zola, and one that Stan Lee and Jack Kirby introduced in Tales to- fine, I'll stop. You're right, I am being pedantic.

Iron Man: "Tearing holes between realities can get... a little bumpy."

Hmm... Ultimate Fantastic Four joke? Doctor Who "Pete's World" joke? Doctor Who "Inferno" joke? The options are many! ...and now by having mentioned these jokes, I can't make them without losing the impact. So that's a shot in the foot.

The craft gets some "cosmic turbulence," but manages to arrive safely in the Avengers' home universe. Unfortunately, while they were gone, Galactus decided to come back and snack on the Earth. According to Iron Man's readings, there's only five minutes until Galactus's giant machine sucks all the energy out of the planet.

Captain America: "I've prepared a strategy specifically to deal with his return. Thor. Summon every electron within a hundred kilometers. One bolt. Make it count. Hawkeye, break out the heavy artillery. Tony, route all unibeam power..."

Cap, you're just finding fancy ways to say "Hit Galactus as hard as you can." You didn't spend long on this plan, did you?

The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan, folks.

Iron Man: "Cap, I never told you this, but I only went along with your Galactus prep drills because I thought he'd never come back."

What with that "genius" plan of his, Cap's prep drills probably consisted of seeing how quickly everyone could gather when he yelled "Avengers Assemble!"

Despite Cap's wishes, Tony decides that he still hasn't learned the oft-repeated lesson of working with a team/not relying too much on his own technology and flies off to confront Galactus by himself.

Iron Man: "The plan is: Trust me."

He flies in front of the Devourer of Worlds and forcefully hacks into his data stream to begin communication. He begins negotiations with the giant, purple man, but all the Avengers see is a flash of light before both he and Galactus disappear.

"This was a good plan!"

The remaining Avengers (minus Black Widow, because, to the shock of no one, she does not appear in this episode) try to figure out Tony's angle, and Falcon figures out that the flash was teleportation, not disintegration. He starts tracking Tony's subspace signal across the universe, and the team hyperdrives away to find their wayward companion.

Falcon informs the others that Tony was talking to Galactus before the flash. But what was he saying? Mystery abounds! But before speculation can commence, JARVIS informs the team that the Iron Man armor has been tracked to a planet in the Dagobah system. There, they will meet with a wise Jedi Master nam... oh D'Bari system, not Dagobah. My bad

Hawkeye: "Let's all just fly off and do our own thing. That's what Tony did." 
Falcon: "We don't know what Tony did." 
Hawkeye: "That's my point."

But before Hawkeye can whine any further, the Avenjet narrowly misses the fleet of spaceships evacuating the planet. Yep, looks like Galactus teleported here. Hey, here's a thought. If Galactus can teleport to new places, then why does he need a herald to scout ahead for him? But before I can nitpick some more, another ship comes in and engages the Avenjet. The Avenjet is quickly disabled, and the team is brought aboard the ship, where they meet the Guardians of the Galaxy.

"Long time, no see, Cap. Weren't you a Skrull last time our teams met?"
"Watch your spoilers, son. Newt hasn't reviewed those episodes yet."

I've done two other episodes featuring these guys. Do I really need to introduce them again? ...fine, but I'll be brief.

Groot
Sentient stick.

Rocket Raccoon
Not Billy West this time.

Drax
Big green knife guy.

Gamora
Deadliest warrior.

Star-Lord
Han Solo.

Thor: "By the spires of Asgard, the Guardians of the Galaxy!"

How do you know that, Thor? I know this series is based off the films where Asgardians are basically aliens, but that's still an odd choice. Why not have Black Widow tag along and recognize them from the S.H.I.E.L.D. files on Nova? Oh, wait, that would make sense.

Anyway, Star-Lord apologizes for mistaking the Avengers for looters, and he explains that they're organizing the evacuation. Cap explains that his team's looking for Iron Man, and they fly in to investigate the planet. Suddenly, they're attacked by the herald of Galactus: Tony Stark.

A little ostentatious, don't you think? You're usually so discreet.

Captain America: "What is Tony doing?" 
Drax: "It's obvious. He traded your world for this one."

The Avengers are adamant that Tony wouldn't do that, but the Guardians insist that there's no other explanation. As the ship slowly crashes, thanks to Tony's attack, the Guardians fly off in their jetpacks to attack Tony, while the Avengers fly off to attack the Guardians. They fight, and fight, and fight and fight and fight. Oddly enough, Tony uses his cosmic powers to help some evacuation ships into space as Galactus gets his feeding tubes into position. The teams call a truce and go to fight Galactus.

Don't question this image. Just be grateful for it.

This is where the reason for leaving Black Widow out becomes apparent. They form multiple teams, with one Avenger and one Guardian in each one. Black Widow would have created an odd number and/or thrown off the Hawkeye/Gamora dynamic. Of course, you could have Nova be part of the Guardians, which would help promote Ultimate Spider-Man (which you'd think they'd be all over) and fix the numbering problem, but it would also mean deviating from the lineup of the film that this episode's trying to advertise for. Can't have that!

They all work together to try and break Galactus's machine, but Tony foils them. He also leaves Hawkeye with a message.

Iron Man: "Galactus. Must. Feed."

Apparently, this convinces Hawkeye that Tony has some kind of plan.

Captain America: "You're sure?" 
Hawkeye: "Ehhh... 60-40."

Cap calls off the attack, but the Guardians keep attacking, culminating in Groot covering the area in wood to trap Tony. But the Avengers swoop in to save him. After more arguing by both sides, the planet begins to go all Krypton and explode. But not because of Galactus. In fact, his feeding machine begins to overload.

Rocket: "This planet was already gonna explode."

I didn't know Krypton was in the D'Bari system.

Iron Man: "You required a life-rich planet. Thanks to the Power Cosmic, I found one. With an unstable Uranium core. Did your loyal servant neglect to inform you? Clearly I am no longer worthy to be your herald."

Galactus agrees, and takes Tony's cosmic powers away after the Avengers and Guardians escape the planet. Galactus will be knocked out for a while, the D'Bari are settling in on a new world just fine, and Tony was all hush-hush so Galactus wouldn't figure out his real plan.

The teams part on good terms, and the episode ends. And that means that it's time to rev- wait a minute. There weren't any space knights! You lied, title!