Review: Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United

As boring as this "movie" was, I still have a few things to say about it. A few of them will probably surprise you.

Recap: Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United

So. You may have noticed that there was no kind of update to celebrate reaching 50,000 views. You may also have put together that this was a direct result of not having a functional computer during that time. You may have also noticed that I have since acquired a new computer and have also since resumed updates. You may have also noticed that I'm typing this without pants on, and that just raises questions as to who you are and what you're doing in my house. Do some dishes before you leave.

Home invasion aside, I have utterly wracked my brain trying to figure out just what in the heck to whip up for you guys to retroactively celebrate this occasion. As such, I stumbled upon a short animated film that was going to be released April 13th, 2013 (a week before Iron Man 3) to generate some general interest in Marvel. But audience reaction to the trailers for this movie was so bad that Marvel pushed back the release date to December 3rd, in the apparent hope that they could fool people into thinking this was a hot gift for the Marvel fan in your life. As of the time of this writing, the movie’s DVD/Blu-Ray sales haven’t even reached anywhere near $100,000.

Ultimate Spider-Man is more well-loved than this movie. Pff, Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. has more fans than this movie. People will Google the web for “She-Hulk Farting,” but no one can spare even a smidgen of love for this movie.

But there's little hate, either.

As far as I've been able to find, nobody is even talking about this movie. I don't think many people have even seen this, to be honest.

So, unlike the majority of people who have stayed away due to awful word of mouth, I subjected myself to this movie. My verdict? It’s… complicated. Very complicated.

Let's begin this not-quite 50,000 Page View Celebration with something that's not quite a movie. I present to you... Iron Man & Hulk: Heroes United.  

Brace yourself, we're in for a long one.

Review: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Planet Leader"

If this "adaptation" of the Planet Hulk storyline were any less faithful, it would be wearing a little red A. Seriously, people. Read a book.

Recap: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Planet Leader"

Friends, Bronies, Star Trek fans. Lend me your ears.

This is the story of the Hulk, and how he came home. This is the story of Planet Hulk.

'Tis a tale as old as... I don't know, 2006, I think.

One day, several of Earth's foremost protectors, including Tony Stark, Mr. Fantastic, Dr. Strange, and Professor Xavier banded together to form a secret council. There, they would defend Earth in ways that no one else could. That no one else would want to. Eventually, a topic came up that they had been putting off for quite some time.

What do you do with a problem like the Hulk?

Eventually, they reluctantly decided that the best thing to do would be to rocket him off to a peaceful, primitive planet to live out his days in solitude and peace. Unfortunately, the rocket missed. Hulk woke up slightly weakened on the planet Sakaar. He became a gladiator, and ended up pulling a Spartacus. He formed a crew of former slaves and overthrew the tyrannical Red King. Eventually, he ruled the planet, with the beautiful Caiera as his queen. Sadly, it was not to last. Hulk lost his wife as his planet burned. Eventually, he returned to Earth to take his revenge on those who had exiled him. But unbeknownst to him, Caiera had left behind the Hulk's son. The protector of the ravaged planet, born in lava, baptized by combat. The son of the Green Scar. The defender of Sakaar, named in its honor.

The one and only.

All in all, 'twas a bittersweet tale of gain and loss in the life of a monster.

This episode is nothing like that.

Consider that to be your one warning.

Review: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Monsters No More"

First of all, I'm going to say this. The title is a nice bit of misdirection. I (as well as others, probably) was expecting a story about all the Hulks losing their powers. So the fact that the title refers to how the public's perception of them changes instead is a subtle twist on the audiences expectations. Honestly, I have to give the writers props for that.

So it's a shame this episode isn't very good. Pretty much every single plot point has something wrong with it. Let's go through them.

Recap: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "Monsters No More"

Okay, everypeople. Here's the situation. We're in the homestretch. From this point on, episodes are either going to be awesome masterpieces that they've been saving until the end or they're going to be the crappy ones they've been putting off until the end. A title like "Monsters No More" piques my interest, but this show is where potential gets smothered with a pillow. Let's plow ahead and see if we're staring at a fetid corpse for half an hour. I'm betting that this episode is less interesting than watching a week-dead Thompson's Gazelle.

My metaphors got really grody very quickly today.

The Fate of the NewtCave

You see it all the time on blogs all over this great big interwebs of ours. The bloggers reach the point where they just don't have the time, energy, or passion to carry on. After posting what few pre-made updates I could from mobile devices, as well as giving it a lot of thought, I've made a decision.

For all intents and purposes, the NewtCave is...

...back in business, everybody.

Yes, I've recovered my data and replaced my computer.

What can you expect from the NewtCave after this point? Well, I won't lie; there are a couple schedule snags. As such, I'm having to scrap my original plans of doing a celebration of the Guardians of the Galaxy release date, a post on Adam West's birthday, a Back to School week, not to mention the fact that I wasn't able to celebrate reaching 50,000 views.... But I think I'll be able to salvage most of my original plans in some way, shape, or form.

This week, we'll be getting back into the crapola of that old NewtCave staple of headaches and humor...
Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.

Next week, expect things. Stuff, as well.

See you then!

Review: Green Lantern: TAS "Razer's Edge"

You know, this might mark the first time I've said something controversial. Near as I can tell, I'm going against popular opinion... but I don't much care for Razer.

Let me once again put this out there.

Never before have I needed this picture so much.

I'm not here to tell you what to think, but I will be honest in telling you what I think. Now let me speak my piece.

Recap: Green Lantern: TAS "Razer's Edge"

Alright, we've got two more characters in this show to set up. Let's begin by seeing just how the heck you can make a Red Lantern a main character without it sucking.

If you even can.

Previously, on Green Lantern: the Animated Series. Razer's reluctantly evil. He also seems to hate himself. On with the story!

Yet Another Dang Update About My Computer

Back from the Geek Squad, got my data.

The good news is that I have all my documents, music, videos, etc.

The bad news is that I still don't have a working computer.

Expect the NewtCave at 100% sometime around October, though!

Review: Avengers: EMH "The Man in the Ant-Hill"

This series of Micro-Episodes/actual episode was more of a mixed bag than others, being comprised of four semi-unrelated stories. So let's discuss each one in turn.  

Recap: Avengers: EMH "The Man in the Ant Hill"

And so, here we are, at the final Micro-Episode compilation. You pumped? No? Well, I'm pumped. Let's go!

Seriously, though. Am I the only person who likes Ant-Man?

Updatin' the Situation

Well, I finally took my computer into the Geek Squad. The verdict?

My data or my computer: pick one.

So now I need to figure out where to go in terms of computer-have. (Yeah, I chose data.)

But progress is being made. I don't want to celebrate prematurely, but it looks like the NewtCave should be 100% back by October!

...yay.

Recap: Avengers: EMH (Micro-Episode 20) "The Big House"

The last one. The last Micro-Episode. For the last time, let us begin.

And I... had... the time of my life... and I never felt this way before....