Monday, September 15, 2014

Recap: Green Lantern: TAS "Razer's Edge"

Alright, we've got two more characters in this show to set up. Let's begin by seeing just how the heck you can make a Red Lantern a main character without it sucking.

If you even can.
Previously, on Green Lantern: the Animated Series. Razer's reluctantly evil. He also seems to hate himself. On with the story!

Onboard the Interceptor, a depowered Razer watches a hologram of the planet he just blew up in stony silence.

The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.
Kilowog's enhanced interrogation goes nowhere, but Hal's good cop routine gets him to talk.

Razer: "I do hate the Red Lanterns for what they've made me... but it doesn't mean I stopped hating Green Lanterns. It just means I have more people to hate."

Way to skip fear and anger. All that's left is suffering.

The Guardians hologram in and give Hal command over the Interceptor, which he technically already had. They're just making it official. They also give Hal and Kilowog the mission of gathering intel on the Red Lanterns. They inform the Guardians that the ring is secure in a stasis box, but Razer takes up more room. The Guardians tell Hal to ship him off to the nearest prison, but Razer quietly, and angrily, wishes for execution.

Aya: "I do not understand your desire for self-destruction."

I do. I say shove him out the airlock and replace him with my favorite Green Lantern, Rot Lop Fan.

Your day shall come....
Aya suggests that Razer should try to make up for what he did, but Razer doesn't want to hear it. She also tells the Lanterns that the Frontier Lanterns used privatized jails, locally owned and operated. They set course for the nearest one, an asteroid called Rura Penthe. Nah, I'm kidding, but wouldn't that be awesome? Anyway, they shackle up Razer and disembark. Hal doesn't like the place.

Hal: "It's like fear radiates from the walls."

Given that we get a nice closeup of yellow crystals growing out of the walls, this is probably actually true. The proprietors of the prison appear and their leader greets the Lanterns.

Myglom: "I am Myglom."

Hello, Robert Eglund. Thank you for providing my nightmares for this and every night.

"No prob."
Myglom: "I operate this prison on behalf of the Spider Guild."

I've just decided that "The Spider Guild" is the name of the villains in my next D&D campaign.

Myglom brags that 100% of his "former guests" never return to a life of crime. That's a cryptic threat if I ever heard one. But Kilowog gleefully hands Razer over, and the two Lanterns leave.

Back with Razer, he's strapped up and gets lighting zapping around his head.

Back with the Lanterns, Kilowog sees something skitter over the outside of the ship, and the two go investigate. Turns out, it's a stowaway prisoner; a little leech-topus named Goggan. They interrogate him, and he demands to not be taken back to the "Grim Rock". Also, "Grim Rock"? That'll be the evil lair in my next campaign. Anyway, it turns out that Goggan had been digging his way out for 12 years, but demands that he's still sane, despite...

Goggan: "Torture!"

"They made Goggan watch Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.!"
 Hal believes that this is worth an investigation.

Aya: "Surely prisoners deserve their fate." 
Hal: "They deserve justice, which sometimes involves punishment. But not torture."

Insert your own political punchline here.

Hal decides that they'll return Goggan and scope the place out. But they'll do it in secret, so they can catch any wrongdoing by surprise.

Hal: "We're going to break into prison."

They successfully infiltrate the prison, but they don't go unnoticed.

Over with Razer, the gizmo on his head zaps his brain, and he sees himself back on his war-torn home planet with his wife, Ilana. Razer vows to join "the militia," which his wife disapproves of.

Razer: "I'll gain power in the militia and protect everyone. Especially... the ones I care about most."

Back in reality, the Lanterns further infiltrate the base and find a torture device. Kilowog get noticeably shaken by the yellow crystals, but doesn't know why. Suddenly, the guards appear, and both Lanterns find their rings on empty. Soon, they also find themselves quickly subdued.

Back in Razer's head, Razer comes back from being a militia-man to find his wife dead.

Back in reality, Hal and Kilowog are webbed up, and Myglom enters to gloat evilly at them, expositing that the yellow mineral depowers Green Lantern Rings. Spider Guards put head-things on the two, which Myglom exposits forces the wearer to relive their worst nightmares over and over. And he's voiced by Robert Eglund, so this is basically just alien Freddy Kreuger. He's also going to eat them, just for good measure.

Back on the ship, Goggan wants to leave, but Aya continues to wait for the Lanterns. After Goggan gives her an idea, she zaps a green ball of energy out of the ship, and it tracks into the facility along power lines.  Back in Razer's head, Razer's rage at losing his wife summons a red ring.

Ring: "You belong to the Red Lantern Corps. Give in. The ring knows your pain."

The ring flies onto his finger and fills him full of red energy. He has a funeral for his wife, as Aya (in the real world) hacks into his headpiece.

Aya/Ilana: "Razer. Listen to me. None of this is real. This is not really happening."

If she starts offering colored pills, I quit.

Razer starts talking about how he doesn't mind the pain because he can be with his wife as his memories replay, Aya asks for help saving Hal and Kilowog (because she can't go where the crystals are). Razer protests, saying he deserves punishment for killing that entire world, and Aya informs him that Kilowog managed to save the settlers. But Razer doesn't care, and he gets all emo about how he's guilty "in his heart."

Razer: "I'm going to stay here."
Aya/Ilana: "What you want is irrelevant."

I see we've become Aya of Borg. Aya hacks into the system and releases Razer from his bonds.

Razer: "I will never forgive this."

Shut up, you whining little brat.

Razer: "No one knows my pain."

Yes, because you're the only person in the universe who has ever lost a loved one, you petulant child.

Aya breaks him out, and he runs back to the ship. Meanwhile, the Lanterns are about to be eaten.

Meanwhile, again, Razer gets his ring and rushes in to save the Greens. All three Lanterns working together, they fend off the Spider Guild, compete with Hal managing to knock down Myglom by himself, with one ring tied behind his back.

After nearly letting his rage overwhelm him, Razer takes it off and returns it to the Red Lanterns. Later, back at the ship, Goggan informs the Lanterns that the Spiders are in their cells, and Hal informs him that a new warden will arrive in 18 months from the Guardians. Until then, Goggan is put in charge. Because screw logic.

Kilowog: "You know, for a second there, I thought you were gonna make Razer the warden."

Wait, why didn't that happen? Make that happen; that's what I want!

So I see.
Hal: "I couldn't possibly leave a Red Lantern in charge of this place. Because he's coming with us."

He tosses Razer back his ring, and they all fly away in the Interceptor, where Razer and Aya start hitting it off, and the episode ends.

So... yeah, some of you may be suspecting that I have strong feelings regarding one of these characters. Join me in the Review.

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