Recap: Avengers: EMH (Micro-Episode 14) "Meet Captain America"

What's this? July is nearly upon us? Well, looks to me like it's time for some 'MURICA. Also, if you're reading this at a later date, then... 'murica?

ERMAHGURD, CURPN MURICA.

Our Micro-Episode opens up in the future.

...

Sorry, I had to take a second there. When you've seen enough media featuring Captain America, you start expecting them to open up with a flashback to the past. Having this actually start up in the future is a bit of a mental gear shift.

Anyway, it's the future, and this blue-faced, green/purple-clad guy is in his crystal room, telling his computer to play an old newsreel from World War II. That's more like it. The newsreel starts off with your typical "Nazis have their slimy hands on Europe, but our good ol' Yankee troops are givin' 'em what for!" spiel, but there are a few things to point out. Actually, one major thing. For all intents and purposes, the only branch of the Nazis shown in this newsreel/episode is their weapons development branch. Also known as HYDRA.

To make a long story short, the censorship guys told the writers that they could have either realistic weapons or Nazis in their cartoon, but not both. The writers chose to go with guns, and so Nazis are never mentioned in regards to World War II. Not even a token mention of Hitler. This basically leaves one with the impression that this universe has no Nazi Party, and that Germany was ruled over by HYDRA instead, no doubt replacing their leader up to that point, Adenoid Hynkel.

Anyway, the newsreel continues with the story of Steve Rogers, the 5-foot-scrawny, 90-pound weakling who wanted to sock ol' Adolf in the jaw. I mean, Red Skull. So they pumped him full of experimental drugs, and he became the 6-foot-muscle, 250-pound Captain America! We then transition to a landing boat on its way to the war-ravaged shores. A quick zoom on a patch lets us know that these boys are none other than the Howlin' Commandos. They infiltrate the beach as quietly as they can, and scout out their destination: an evil-looking castle. As they make their way, HYDRA goons open fire with their evil weapons of SCIENCE. Their leader, Jack Fury, knows that they won't last long, so he tells one of his guys to get the radio working.

Howlett: "I'm workin' on it, bub!"

Hello, Wolverine cameo! Luckily, the troops are rescued by the Timely arrival of Captain America. I apologize for that pun. I know only, like, five of you will get it, but I'm sorry for it anyway.

I am vengeance. I am the night.

He gives a rousing little speech about infiltrating the HYDRA science base, and meeting up with their inside man. Having been roused, the troops make their way to their destination. Meanwhile, a very young Baron von Strucker reports to the Red Skull that ze alliez are here. Skull tells Strucker to send out their best men to slow them down until they can ready their evil Nazi SCIENCE! Sorry, HYDRA SCIENCE!

Jack Fury blows his bugle to announce the charge, and if anybody can tell me why that isn't a stupid idea that gives away your position, please leave a comment. In all seriousness, I'd really like to know. Despite this, the Howlin' Commandos do their job well. Not even the HYDRA lasers can break through Cap's shield, and not even HYDRA jaws can withstand Fury's fists. But a grenade goes off, knocking Fury down. Before a HYDRA goon can aim and fire at the good Captain, the drawbridge comes down to let Cap in. And with it, Captain America's sidekick, Bucky, arrives on the scene. This seems to be a good omen. All the commandos are fine, even Fury, and Bucky knows a way down into the evil basement of SCIENCE.

Captain America: "The stealth portion of this mission is officially over."

"Stealth." So you were stealthily blowing that bugle, Fury? Anyway, they make their way inside, coming face to face with a cyclops.

Absolutely wrong.

Will our heroes make it out alive? Tune in next time! Same 'MURICA time, same 'MURICA channel!