Saturday, November 28, 2015

Recap/Review: Gotham Girls "Gotham Noir"

Leaning back in my chair, I looked at the clock. 3:35 PM. It was a cold November day, as it had been for the past few days. Around my desk were assorted candy wrappers. The end of the cheap post-Halloween candy. Between them, my laptop sat. And waited. Two programs were open. Microsoft Word and Firefox. On the right, a blank canvas awaiting my thoughts. On the left, something I didn’t want to think about.

Gotham Girls.

I looked at the clock again. 3:36.

With nothing better to do, I cracked my knuckles and got to work.
While also wishing I had something better to do.
I clicked on the “play game” option, wishing that I wouldn’t find that horrible shooting gallery game. Well, they say you should be careful what you wish for.

A slider puzzle.
Screw slider puzzles, I thought to myself. But in the end, I knew I had to at least attempt it.
3:50 PM. The slider puzzle sat before me. Solved.

And my reward was a glitchy “You Win!” screen. One step up from a "congladuration."
And so, having put myself in a sour mood already, I began the cartoon. The webisode opened up, on Harley Quinn’s private detective agency. In no time, the stereotypes were underway as a dame walked in the door.

Harley: “She had legs. Legs that started in New Jersey and ended up here.”

"What’s Elastigirl doing here?" I typed. I allowed myself a chuckle. This episode was going to be a gold mine. As far as Gotham Girls goes, anyway.

Harley: “In that litter box known as Gotham City.”

Shoot, I thought. I forgot to empty the litter boxes last night. I shook my head as I thought about how much poop the new kitten proved himself capable of making. Vowing to do it after I was done recapping, I continued to watch.

Catwoman: “It’s Velma.”
Harley: “She said.”
Catwoman: “You have to find her.”
Harley: “’Velma’? Somebody already wrote that one, cat. And it don’t end happily.”

My fingers paused over the keys. Obviously, it was a reference to Farewell, My Lovely by Raymond Chandler. But I didn’t know if my audience would get it if I followed that up with a reference to that book. Heck, I didn’t even know if my dad would get a reference that old. After making a note to probably make a Scooby-Doo joke instead, I continued to watch.

In overdone noir dialogue, Catwoman described Velma. Long story short: she’s a cat. Big surprise.

Catwoman offered Harley all she had left for this job: a squeaky mouse toy.

Her favorite one, probably.
Harley, being a self-professed sucker for an animal lover in need, agreed to the job and went to question the local law enforcement.

Batgirl: “Velma? Used to see an orange tabby around here went by that name. Mangy thing. Had to run ‘er in for vagrancy.”
Harley: “No. Calico. Gold eyes. Might be a runaway. Might be lookin’ to score some catnip.”

Hello, blatant drug joke in the DCAU.
Batgirl:Hey. I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout the catnip trade. I oughtta run you in just for implying.”

Harley concluded that the coppers weren’t going to help her, so she set off on her own. Next, she questioned Poison Ivy, who denied everything without even looking.

Poison Ivy: “Seen one, seen ‘em all.”
Harley: “Sounds like you got a beef against cats.”

Ivy complained that the cats moving into the neighborhood ruined her plants by using them as a litter box.

Poison Ivy: “They’re poison, I tell ya. Poison.”

Takes one to know one, I typed.

Ivy, you still make the best faces.
Harley inferred a possbile motive from this, but Ivy still claimed that she didn’t do nothin’. Harley ended up heading to the spot Velma was last seen, and I got the option to choose an item.

What flavor is that ice cream supposed to be? Mildew?
Obviously, the tuna was the right choice. No sooner than I had clicked the option, a black cat arrived and stole it. Harley followed after and found the cat sharing it with none other than Velma.

Harley: “It’s an old story, cat. You been dumped for a guy with a can of tuna.”
Catwoman: “Where is she?”
Harley: “Sorry, not part of the deal. I told her you were lookin’ for her. She knows where you live, the rest is up to her.”

But the pictures of Velma and her new family brought a smile to Catwoman’s face. And Velma Jr. as a present from Velma Sr. helped, too.

In the “real” world, Harley put the finishing touches on her story at her typewriter.

Harley: “See? Anyone can write this stuff.”
Catwoman: “Speak for yourself, Shakespeare.”

And with that, the webisode ended. I got up and headed downstairs. There were a couple of little furballs I needed to see.

And I had to clean their litter boxes, too.
Look, deep storytelling really isn't Gotham Girls's thing. So in the end, the big question is whether or not the webisode was any fun. And this one definitely was. I’m a sucker for noir, and this was a nice little spoof on the genre with a cute framing device.

(Also, this episode just happened to go up on 9/11. Not making a joke about that.)

Next time, things get even cuter as Harley starts up a gang of little girls. See you then!


  1. Eh, they're simple, buy you still got something to say. I mean imagine if you were reviewing.....Batman Unlimited Shorts! (insert spooky noises)

    -Faceless Enigma

    1. Oh, jeez, those better not exist.

    2. Oh, they do! Check DC Kids Youtube channel. You will find all 22 BU shorts alongside with 15 DC Super Friends shorts. All baaaad.

      Also, few DC Nation shorts! But. Only. Few. (Seriously, only first 4 Amethyst , 2 Plastic Man, not a single Teen Titans get better options on DC Entertainment, though.)

      - F.E.

  2. I'm suprised you never mentioned that this went up on 9/11

    1. Oh, shoot, you're right. I made a note saying that the NEXT did. Whoops! Nice catch,

    2. Fun Fact, when I heard when this went up, I thought the same thing I thought when I saw Super Mario Maker's release date.

    3. Yeah, they were very careful to say "the 11th of September."