Monday, August 17, 2015

Recap/Review: Gotham Girls "Miss Un-Congeniality"

Flash is dead.

That is in no way what I meant.
After years of being prone to security leaks and unsupported by Apple products, Adobe Flash has been declared dead as a medium. And with it, the death of an era of the internet. Soon, children shall grow up completely unaware of what it was like in the early 2000’s. People would wait for minutes, hours, or even sometimes days to watch something as simple as dancing badgers.

For past episodes of Gotham Girls, I had felt like I was examining an antique. But today… I’m examining a fossil.

Rest in peace, Flash. May you be reunited with Shockwave in Silicon Heaven.
The pre-load game is the same one as last time. And just like last time, I’m simply glad it’s not a slider puzzle.

The episode properly opens up on the Miss Criminal Mastermind Beauty Pageant, which appears to be a supervillain analogue of the Miss America competition.

Look, I'm not going to question its existence. Let's just say Black Mask has too much money and free time.
And just like the Miss America Pageant, the audience is mostly made up of leering men who probably just came to see the swimsuit competition.

Hey, at least these guys are honest about it.
The four finalists, all from Gotham, are brought out.

Host: “What is it about this town, eh?”

Well, vast economic disparity, corrupt politicians, crooked businessmen, and other factors all lead to a high rate of mental illness and superpowers, often overlapping. Next question.

First up is Poison Ivy. I’ve got to say, I’m already impressed that she has more than two frames in her walking animation. That’s a step up from Season 1.

Harley Quinn shows up next, and the animation gets even better as her kisses to the audience are animated surprisingly smoothly.

Third up is Catwoman. According to her shadow, her lips are floating off her face.

So maybe I was a bit quick to praise the animation.
Finally, some nameless lady they’re just calling “Mystery.” Or possibly Miss-Tery.

Oh, crap, it's Pandora! get her out of here before reality gets rebooted!
At this point, we can click on the contestants to learn more about them.

They know literally nothing about her. And yet, her lack of nefarious deeds still made her eligible for the contest.

“I’m just crazy about… well, hey, I’m just crazy.”

Poison Ivy
She’s serious about her pet cause. The judges’ final thoughts are “Lighten up, girl!”

A jewel thief who keeps getting off the hook. (Judges' Final Thoughts: Boy, do we wish we had her lawyer.)

The host asks each of them what their one hope for the world would be if they won the crown.

Catwoman would criminalize animal cruelty. I’d correct her by saying that animal cruelty pretty much is illegal, but she probably has a stricter definition of what “cruelty” is.

Ivy would “lobby incessantly” for park conservation and the prevention of plant abuse…. But I think we all know that “lobbying” means “threatening government officials.” The host gets a good laugh over her usage of the phrase “plant abuse” before realizing she’s serious.

Yeah, Batman's going to be finding his body in a dumpster tomorrow.
Harley would get her boyfriend out of Arkham.

Mystery has nothing to say.

For the final event, each criminal gets ten seconds to open a safe without triggering alarms. Ivy, having learned from "The Vault," gets a vine to do it. Catwoman slinks through the laser grid and reuses the animation of her slicing a hole in the glass last episode to get inside. Harley completely fails, setting up multiple alarms and failing to crack the safe with her hammer. Finally, Mystery is asked to show her special skill, and she uses Bat-bolas to tie everybody up because, shock of all shocks, she was secretly Batgirl in disguise.

Host: “Well, folks, it looks like we have a winner.”

And somehow, the winner is Batgirl. So… she won a criminal contest by being a hero?

Geez, Ivy's lookin' pissed at the audience.
After the picture fades out from an old black and white TV, the episode ends.

This wasn’t as good as the last episode. I mean, it’s not bad. It’s nothing special, but it boasts more effort than anything in the first season.  Still, not much actually happens in terms of plot, action, jokes…. Anything. Not much happens at all. But what does happen is pretty okay.

Next time, Poison Ivy tries to teach Harley how to be smart. S-M-R-T. See you then!

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