Sunday, May 3, 2015

May 2015: A New Direction...?

So, hey. It’s Newt.

Uh, it’s been a couple weird days for me.

Long story short, don’t open emails with “Ultron” as an attachment. Bad things happen.

"An understatement, flesh pile."
 Fine. So what do you want?

"You will do my bidding!"
Yeah. I know. What do you want me to do in particular?

"I shall dictate what you will recap and review."
Fine. I can pencil you in…. next century.

Can you ease up on me just a bit, Ultron? I just got done doing a couple themed months and…

"And you shall do another. May of Ultron."
Dude, look, things have been picking up at work, I was kind of hoping to do a bit more writing, maybe paint some more. You know, take some time for myself and….

Fine, whatever, it’s the May of Ultron.

"Make a picture for it. Like with Hulk Month."
Sure, whatever.

You didn't say anything about the level of effort you wanted, Ultron.
So…. I guess I’ll be looking at more United They Stand, then?

"No! I demand the return of Earth's Mightiest Heroes to the NewtCave!"
Really? Fine with me.

"Then, you ugly bag of mostly water, I- what?"
I said it’s fine with me. I love that show.

"Then it shall keep you pacified until your death."
So, tomorrow, I guess- wait, what?

"And from this blog, I shall spread across the internet to begin the Age of Ultron.
By the time you finish recapping the second episode of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes,
I will have amassed enough memory to begin my work."
And if I refuse to do these reviews for you?

"Then I shall email your secret porn collection to your girlfriend!"
Yeah, joke's on you. I don’t have one.

"You think you can hide your precious data from me? I am… wait."

"...I was expecting you to secretly have a porn collection."
Yeah, like I have time for porn between work and this blog. Any spare time is taken up by watching Doctor Who. You’ve got nothing on me.

"Although I did find a folder labeled DnD_STUFF that looks important."
Not my homebrew files!

"And if you want your precious 'Aurumasquerades' and 'Candlebearers' to keep their stats, you will do as I say."
Do your worst.

"Oops. I accidentally deleted the 'Lanternhead' file. Wasn't that your favorite?"
…You are without honor. I’m still not going to recap anything for you.

"Let me put it another way. Recap the Ultron two-parter. Or I kill you."
Weren't you going to do that anyway?

"If you refuse me, I shall do it inconcievably painfully. One organ at a time."
Well, looks like I’m taking the Scheherazade route.

"A wise choice."
So… join us tomorrow when the NewtCave takes a look at “Ultron-5"... and I try to come up with a way to stop Ultron.

Wish me luck.

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