Saturday, February 28, 2015

Recap/Review: Gotham Girls "The Three Babes"

We three babes of Gotham town are; We steal things that are not ours.
Gotham's savior, the Dark Knight, won't go down without a fight.
Crime has failed, now we're jailed.
Hate being behind bars.

Surprisingly enough, most of my search results for "The Three Babes" were safe for work.
The pre-cartoon game is a nigh-impossible click-the-target shooter where the targets move way too fast. What fun.

Those stupid targets move like the Flash!
Our webisode opens exactly where our protagonists should be: prison. While Ivy and Catwoman sleep, Harley gets bored. A lot of time passes, as evidenced by the clock speeding up so fast that it appears to have a bit of a seizure. When she finally can't take it anymore, Harley wakes up Catwoman. Catwoman's answer is simple. Bother Ivy. And so Harley does. She wakes Ivy up and demands to hear a story. Specifically, Jack and the Beanstalk.

Poison Ivy: "I hate that story. Rife with plant abuse."

What, you mean the story about the vine that grew so big that it dwarfs modern skyscrapers? After last episode, I thought you'd be all over that.

Harley Quinn: "Sleeping Beauty?"
Poison Ivy: "Apple abuse."

First of all, Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger on a spinning wheel. It's Snow White who ate the apple.

Second of all, the only apple abuse was when an apple got eaten. Of course, you'd never allow anyone to eat plants, right? That's why you're a vegetarian who made Harley a nice salad with beet juice once oh wait.

I said it last episode and I'll say it again: Ivy should be a carnivore.

Eventually, Ivy agrees to tell the story of Goldilocks. But without bears, because Harley doesn't like bears. Thus, the story ends up featuring Catwoman, Ivy, and Harley as the titular "three babes." With the redheaded Batgirl as Goldilocks.

"This, under protest, is Goldilocks."
It opens up the way you'd expect; the three leave their apartment to wait for their breakfast to cool, and Batgirl shows up for no reason in particular to eat their food.

Catwoman's raw fish doesn't appeal to her, Ivy's salad fights back (why would Ivy eat her own uncontrollable mutant plants?), but Harley's food is just right. Probably because Harley actually has food in her bowl.

Sushi: you're doing it wrong.
She goes to the chairs. Catwoman's is too tall, Ivy's is alive, but Harley's is just right, to the shock of no one.

Look, there's not much material to work with here. I'm riffing on the story of the Three Bears Babes, for crying out loud. Even Catwoman's getting bored with the whole thing.

Poison Ivy: "She tried Catwoman's bed, but it was..."
Catwoman: "Too soft, yadda yadda. Too hard, yadda yadda. Just right, yadda yadda. Cut to the chase, woman!"

Ivy skips to the part where the babes find Batgirl in Harley's bed, and they nab her and beat her up (with the viewer getting to pick whether Batgirl gets a pie to the face, seltzer in the eye, or a boxing glove barrage) until she jumps out the window.

Poison Ivy: "And they never saw her again."

Harley claps at the ending, and Batgirl compliments herself on how the encounter ended in real life with them in jail.

Batgirl: "This one's just right."

Hey, look at those bars that any of the three criminals could easily fit between.
Batgirl's wrong. This one's just okay.

This webisode required a lot of new poses. A sleeping Poison Ivy, Batgirl in various situations, and more. I appreciate the hard work put into creating these new, often dynamic poses, but the actual animation itself has taken a downturn because of that. Characters will often flip between poses with little in the way of actual "animation."

The story itself is nothing special; it's literally just the story of Goldilocks with different characters. But it wasn't actively bad, which just marks it as an average episode of Gotham Girls.

Next time, a Warner Brothers internet cartoon takes aim at a classic Disney short. See you then.

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