So, hey. It’s Newt.
Uh, it’s been a couple weird days for me.
Long story short, don’t open emails with “Ultron” as an attachment. Bad things happen.
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"An understatement, flesh pile." |
Fine. So what do you want?
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"You will do my bidding!" |
Yeah. I know. What do you want me to do in particular?
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"I shall dictate what you will recap and review." |
Fine. I can pencil you in…. next century.
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"Tomorrow." |
Can you ease up on me just a bit, Ultron? I just got done doing a couple themed months and…
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"And you shall do another. May of Ultron." |
Dude, look, things have been picking up at work, I was kind of hoping to do a bit more writing, maybe paint some more. You know, take some time for myself and….
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"MAY OF ULTRON!" |
Fine, whatever, it’s the May of Ultron.
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"Make a picture for it. Like with Hulk Month." |
Sure, whatever.
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You didn't say anything about the level of effort you wanted, Ultron. |
So…. I guess I’ll be looking at more
United They Stand, then?
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"No! I demand the return of Earth's Mightiest Heroes to the NewtCave!" |
Really? Fine with me.
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"Then, you ugly bag of mostly water, I- what?" |
I said it’s fine with me. I love that show.
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"Then it shall keep you pacified until your death." |
So, tomorrow, I guess- wait, what?
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"And from this blog, I shall spread across the internet to begin the Age of Ultron.
By the time you finish recapping the second episode of Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes,
I will have amassed enough memory to begin my work." |
And if I refuse to do these reviews for you?
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"Then I shall email your secret porn collection to your girlfriend!" |
Yeah, joke's on you. I don’t have one.
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"You think you can hide your precious data from me? I am… wait." |
Yeah.
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"...I was expecting you to secretly have a porn collection." |
Yeah, like I have time for porn between work and this blog. Any spare time is taken up by watching
Doctor Who. You’ve got nothing on me.
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"Although I did find a folder labeled DnD_STUFF that looks important." |
Not my homebrew files!
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"And if you want your precious 'Aurumasquerades' and 'Candlebearers' to keep their stats, you will do as I say." |
Do your worst.
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"Oops. I accidentally deleted the 'Lanternhead' file. Wasn't that your favorite?" |
…You are without honor. I’m still not going to recap anything for you.
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"Let me put it another way. Recap the Ultron two-parter. Or I kill you." |
Weren't you going to do that anyway?
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"If you refuse me, I shall do it inconcievably painfully. One organ at a time." |
Well, looks like I’m taking the Scheherazade route.
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"A wise choice." |
So… join us tomorrow when the NewtCave takes a look at “Ultron-5"... and I try to come up with a way to stop Ultron.
Wish me luck.
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