No one said you were. But apparently Tasha McClain (Maia Filar), the editor of the school paper, believes otherwise. Currently, Ricky is climbing up the school wall to spy on Tasha, who's doing a little overtime work for the paper with some teacher or something.
The lazy gag would be to caption this image with "fap
fap fap." If I do end up making any dirty jokes for this Recap, I promise I'll try to keep them classy. |
Yeah, but nobody's going to call you "Ace" no
matter how many times you ask.
Tasha and teach leave the office and turn off the lights,
allowing Ricky to enter in that classic intruder fashion, by coming in-tru-der window.
Ricky (voiceover): "Today at school, I unlocked the
window. It's all part of my plan."
Get help, kid. You're putting too much thought into this.
Ricky (voiceover): "My plan to take revenge... on Tasha
McClain."
As long as you don't take revenge on Tasha Yar. Because that
would leave you open to retaliation. To "Yar's Revenge," if you will.
...Too forced? Too forced.
Ricky boots up the computer and begins work on tomorrow's
paper with an ad that reads "Calling all creeps. Calling all creeps. If
you're a real creep call Tasha McClain at 555-0109."
So.. this kid who claims to not be a creep just broke into
school, performed the newsprint equivalent of "For a good time
call..." and left. Methinks he doth protest too much.
He finishes up quickly, even adding in a quick addendum
specifying to call after midnight, but has to vamoose when Tasha and Teach make
their way back. Tasha notes that she didn't close any newspaper files when he
was in there earlier... but seemingly thinks nothing of it.
Ricky's coat made some ripping noises as he unstuck it from
the window frame, so Tasha walks over to investigate. She finds some muddy
footprints, but apparently decides that nothing is out of the ordinary.
Tasha: "Oh, it was nothing, Ms. Richards."
Wait, I know that voice.... again?
Okay, Add Maia Filar to the list of kids who were in both
The Magic School Bus and Goosebumps. I guess there were only so many child
actors in Canada.
Ricky (voiceover): "And that's just the beginning of a
story that kept getting weirder and weirder and weirder and weirder."
What, you're telling me that there's going to be an actress from something more mainstream than The Magic School Bus in this episode? Yeah, I'll believe it
when I see it.
But for now, it's the next day. And Ricky's due to get
harassed by the local bullies.
At the very least, this certainly is a racially-inclusive group of bullies. So they've got that going for them. |
Ricky: "Why?"
David: "Because we love farm animals."
Well, who doesn't? I like goats, myself.
David: "Now sing. Or would you like another blast
of Wart's onion breath?"
I was going to put a joke here where he says "I wondered what the problem was with these
apples"... But that clearly is an apple. Not an onion. |
"Ha ha ha, nursery rhymes are funny!" |
Teacher: "Let's not congregate in the walkway. Move
on."
"You can bully Ricky after school." |
Iris: "At least you know all the words."
"I don't. I'm lucky he broke it up when he did." |
"You know. A loser." |
So we then cut to the lunch line, where Ricky knocks Iris's
tray away from the lunch lady, causing the tuna surprise to splatter on the
counter.
"You realize I've got to clean that up now, you little brat?" |
So now that Ricky has inflicted his will upon Iris's plate
(meaning that she doesn't even get a main course today), they walk away from
the line... without paying, I guess.
Still, at least Gabe from "The Return of the Mummy" isn't doing his lunchroom survey. |
Ricky: "That is one of the great mysteries of Harding
Middle School."
Because they most likely order vast quantities of
easy-to-prepare food from a licensed food supply service that provides them
with tuna noodle casserole. Probably because instead of picking meals
one-by-one, the food service simply gives them a standard supply of various
meals.
...I have many family members who have worked at a school. I
know things.
Iris: "I really appreciate you showing me around like
this."
Yes, despite everything, Iris really seems to like Ricky.
And the bullies can't have that, can they? So they trip him and he lands on the
floor, getting unidentified food all over his face.
Since the lunch lady probably isn't willing to give Ricky
more food, he leaves the lunchroom to clean himself up, after which Iris meets
him in the hallway.
Ricky: "Those guys are gonna pay. After Tasha, they're
next."
Ricky: "But I've already set up my plan."
Because that is the talk of a sane person.
Ricky: "Tasha's gonna wish she was never born."
Iris: "What did you do?"
Ricky: "I snuck into the school newspaper office and
put a little message in this week's paper. But I don't have time to explain. I
have to leave school early."
Please tell me you're seeing a therapist.
Tasha, on the other end of the hallway, simply smiles and
sets out the latest edition of the school paper.
That night... whoa.
I take back everything I said about this dork, that light-up phone makes him the coolest kid ever. |
Iris: "It's Iris. I saw the newspaper."
She tried to call earlier, but... reasons, I guess. Anyway,
Ricky's dad gets after Ricky for being on the phone so late, so Ricky hangs up,
despite Iris's protests. The phone rings again right away... but it's not Iris.
Voice: "I saw your message in the paper."
Ricky: "Huh? What? Who is this?"
"What? ....Pajamas, why?" |
Voice: "I saw your message in the paper. I'm calling as
instructed. I'm a Creep."
So... why doesn't Ricky's dad yell at him about this call?
Ricky hangs up, but another Creep calls back. And another.
Female Voice: "I saw your message. I'm ready to plant
the seeds."
Lady, this is a kids' show!
The next day at school, Ricky reads the paper, discovering
that Tasha swapped her name and number for Ricky's.
Tasha: "So. Did you get any calls last night? I saw you
running away, you little rodent. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure
out your lame trick."
And to make matters worse, the bullies come by when Tasha
leaves... but all Ricky gets is a pat on the shoulder from Wart. And at lunch,
one of the bullies throws a note at him.
And later that day, Ricky arrives at his locker... wait,
what?
Okay, does anybody else see a naked lady spreading her legs on a rock in that poster? Is it just me? Do I just have a dirty mind? |
Suddenly, Iris provides this episode's dose of kid-grabbing
as she puts her hand on Ricky's shoulder to ask him what's going on. Ricky
explains the weird calls he's been getting, and she's not surprised, what with
the ad in the paper and all. But Ricky brings up the fact that the bullies
haven't been bullying him today.
Ricky: "It's like I was invisible or something."
Not in this episode, unless you find a mirror in a secret
room in your attic.
But Iris wants to get Ricky's mind off those bullies and
asks if he wants to go shopping with her for ingredients. She's planning on
making cookies for the bake sale on Friday. Though he's surprised at Iris's
continued interest in him, he agrees.
That night, he takes his phone off the hook before bed,
although he ends up answering his phone when his alarm blares in the morning.
Truth be told, I've done that a few times, too. When he turns off his alarm, he
puts the phone back on the hook. And just to be sure, he answers the phone real
quick to see if anybody actually went to the trouble of waiting all night.
Female Voice: "Don't ever take the phone off the
hook."
Geez, what a creep. ...Makes sense.
Female Voice: "How can we make contact? We'll be
watching. Waiting."
Commiserating. Say it ain't so. I will not go. Turn the
lights off. Carry me home.
Na na na na na na na na na na.
Na na na na na na na na na na.
Batman.
Na na na na na na na na na na.
Na na na na na na na na na na.
Batman.
As the Creep on the phone continues some creepy talk, we cut
to Ricky walking through the woods. With a walking stick and everything.
Because in Canada, people actually go outside.
Go on hikes. See some wildlife. Enjoy the fresh air. |
Get kidnapped. |
Ricky: "Look, this little nature walk's been fun, but I
have to meet someone. Can I go now?"
Here's a tip, kids. "Can I go now?" does not work
against kidnappers.
Ricky: "Come on, guys, what're you gonna do to
me?"
Whatever it is, it's going to earn a Y-7 rating.
Wart: "Please forgive us. We didn't mean to hurt
you."
David: "You should have told us sooner."
Ricky: "Told you?"
Brenda: "We meant you no harm."
As it turns out, the bullies aren't just creeps, they're
self-proclaimed Creeps with a capital lizard.
"So... can I go now?" |
Brenda: "Tell us your plan, Commander."
Ricky: "My plan?"
But the Creeps are impatient to transform all the students
in the school, and Brenda hits upon the idea of sticking identity seeds in
tomorrow's cafeteria food. Ricky gives a fairly non-committal answer, so it's
decided. Ricky will put identity seeds in the cafeteria food.
Once at school, Ricky is pretty hesitant to unleash
mutagenic ovules into the food, so Wart suggests they should all transform in
order to make sure that Ricky is actually one of them.
So reluctantly, Ricky agrees to plant the seeds in the food while the others watch through the window into the kitchen. And reluctantly, Ricky dumps the bag into the tuna surprise, hoping that no one will eat it.
So reluctantly, Ricky agrees to plant the seeds in the food while the others watch through the window into the kitchen. And reluctantly, Ricky dumps the bag into the tuna surprise, hoping that no one will eat it.
You know, eat this lukewarm fish casserole that's going to sit out all night. |
Ricky: "You can't serve this for lunch!"
Lunch Lady: "That's what you say. There's nothing wrong
with it!"
So... maybe you should throw out this batch since you don't
know if he tampered with it? Because he totally did tamper with it.
Ricky refuses to eat the bite that the lunch lady offers and
runs off as we cut to lunchtime the next day. Ricky continues his reign as der
Liebensmittel-Fuhrer by personally inspecting everybody's food as they leave
the lunch line.
Ricky: "Tacos. Good choice. Meat loaf. Can't go wrong
there."
The Creeps pat Ricky on the back as they pass by (in human
form, obviously), and Ricky gets the chance to enforce his iron-fisted reign
by, once again, denying Iris the tuna surprise she wants.
Iris: "But I wanted to try it."
"Nein! Die Cafeteria muss frei von Unerwünschten bleiben!" |
But Ricky is too preoccupied with his reign, and tells her
that he can't talk at the moment, thus ruining his only meaningful relationship
with another human being.
Later that day, Ricky and the Creeps (great band name, btw)
meet back up in the forest hideout. They're a bit miffed with Ricky, who wasted
a whole bag of seeds by putting them into food that no one ate.
And they're starting to question the identity of their "Commander." But before they can peel strips off his flesh and consume them....
And they're starting to question the identity of their "Commander." But before they can peel strips off his flesh and consume them....
Iris: "Maybe you should reveal the real plan,
Commander."
Yes, it seems that Iris is also a Creep.
Iris: "I'm the second in command. The first plan was a
test. To see if you Creeps were ready."
So now, Ricky has to make up a "real plan."
This should be genius.
This should be genius.
Ricky: "Well, we need to get everybody to eat the
identity seeds."
Nooooooooooooooooooooo, really?
Ricky: "And, um, we have to put them in something kids
like to eat, right?"
You're on a roll so far.
Ricky: "Well, what do kids like to eat?"
This gives Creep-ette an idea.
Brenda: "What about the bake sale tomorrow? We could
bake cookies and put seeds the in them."
Iris approves of the idea, and the kids soon... Okay, I call
foul.
The "cookie dough" is just the tuna surprise prop again. |
Ricky: "Um... about the plan."
Iris: "You don't have to call me 'Sergeant.'"
Because as it turns out, she's not a Creep.
Iris: "I was on my way to meet you when I heard your
voice."
So... to meet with Ricky, she passed through a forest. Where
she happened to come across the Creeps' hideout. And she wasn't freaked out by
the reptilian monsters. And she realized that Ricky wasn't a Creep. And... she
correctly guessed what terminology to use and what to say within the larger
context of the Creeps' ongoing discussions with Ricky in order to save him?
The obvious twist would be to reveal that Iris was the real
commander the whole time, and have her expose Ricky as a fraud after making him
confess to not being the Commander here.
This is not the twist the episode goes for.
Which means that Iris and Ricky are simply helping the
Creeps achieve their evil goals. So it's a good thing they also have a plan to
stop the Creeps.
Iris: "We'll figure something out."
You guys are terrible heroes.
The next day, at the bake sale... Wait, is that Diana Salvatore from
Orphan Black?
...Huh. After the Magic School Bus cast, and half the background cast from Mean Girls, this really isn't that shocking. |
I take it back, the Doug Funnie outfit detracts from whatever coolness the light-up phone afforded Ricky. |
Tasha: "Too bad. You looked like you had
potential."
To do what? Join the Plastics?
Iris: "If she knew what a real Creep was, she wouldn't
be laughing."
Speaking of them, they've got their cookies all ready to go.
Wart: "Free cookies! Chocolate chip!"
Free cookies at a bake sale? That's going to cut into
revenue. How are they supposed to raise money for the music program now?
Marching band desperately needs new uniforms before they go to Disney World,
dang it!
Luckily for the Creeps, there are no adults around here to
supervise anything, and a swarm rushes the table to pig out on cookies.
Desperately, Ricky makes his way to the podium and grabs the microphone. He
tries to warn them about the cookies, but Tasha drowns him out by leading the
kids in a chant of "Ricky the Rat."
But the bullies walk up to Ricky and try to make him feel
better. After all, once these kids eat the cookies, he'll be their ruler. And
after more taunts push him further....
Ricky: "Enjoy the cookies."
Iris is distraught, but the kids really seem to be enjoying
their cookies.
Ricky: "I'm sorry, Iris. But from now on, things are
gonna be different around here."
And the kids begin to chant "Long live Ricky"
while he stands above them at a podium.
Because the episode couldn't resist handing me another opportunity to compare this kid to Hitler. |
And as Ricky has a cookie and makes a transformation of his
own, the episode ends. So let's review.
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