Saturday, February 6, 2016

Sketchbook: Repoultrification

I already mentioned the story of Sir Charles the Chicken, who ended up sidetracking the story, as that player was wont to do. But it's time I told the story of exactly what happened.

It all started while we were in an abandoned castle, which turned out to have been occupied by an undead king and his legions of the damned. Basic tomfoolery made him lose interest in us, so we began looting the castle. Azrayal, the gravedigger, noticed some writing on the gold medallion around Sir Charles' neck. It was written in the language of halflings, so he made someone who could read that language read it.

The amulet said, "Be Forwarned: All Who Oppose Industry Will Suffer The Same Fate." There was a panel on it that could be opened, like on a watch. It said "Harland Company" before crumbling into dust.

It was at this point that the Dungeon Master and Sir Charles' player, who I've been referring to as "Kevin," got into a little war regarding the plot. Here's some excerpts, taken straight from the Facebook page we were using to play. Seriously, I can't make this up.

DM: "Back in the time before life there were 4 Gods, The Fire, the Earth, The Wind and the Water. Each one made a land for people to dwell. The Fire in the North Water the South Earth in the East and Wind in the West."

Sir Charles: "Strictly speaking you don't see a chicken..."

Azrayal: "SPOT CHECK 15, THE FUCK IS GOING ON!"

DM: "But from all the power they used to create the life the energy that was leftover made the Shadow an entitiy of pure darkness. It hid from the God in the places it could not see around the world. As it traveled it gained more power consuming shadows..until one day it came here. It gathered and consumed most of the people here and has now taken over the King and commands the throne."

Sir Charles: "You notice the bird is convulsing in the corner. Brilliant white feathers are being shed, as the body is elongating strangely. 'BRAAKKCKCCKCKCKC' Foam emerges from the mouth."

DM: "-Good Lord the Chicken-"

Azrayal: "'NOT THE CHICKEN!!!!' He was so young..."

Orne: *walks over to chicken-like thingy and watches it*

DM: *The DM takes corporeal form and just looks at the chicken*

It was at this point that Sir Charles became an elf, with beautiful white hair. The DM uses his omnipotence to give him clothes before anything happens.

Azrayal: "Do i still own you? Did I just inherit a new minion?"

Sir Charles: "Hmm. I would say its improper to treat a lord so rudely, but as I see my disadvantage... I am Sir Charles Sanders, elf, and druid."

The DM could only watch in bemusement as we all tried to explain to Sir Charles that he had just been a chicken.

Sir Charles: "I need to get home. What day is it? Father began his deforestation campaign.....I started fighting..."

Yes, readers, Kevin had interrupted a quest to restore the world in order to give us a quest that was half about protecting the environment, and half about KFC. And nothing the DM did could get anyone back on track.

DM: *GOOD LORD, Forces that cannot be seen lift Sir Charles into the air, changing him back into a chicken*

Which I interpreted as "the DM with a sonic screwdriver."
Me: "Well,. Let us never speak of this again."

But even so, the party continued its obsession with the new quest as the game continued. Eventually, the DM relented, and the game session ended on this note straight from the DM.

The Party with New Knowledge of Sir Charles lineage resolve to find his Father issues...one day. For now the Party ventures towards the Volcano to find the God Fire.

And indeed, the party would eventually run into Sir Charles' father, who was quickly incorporated into the story as a minor villain. 

I'll never forget the day when Kevin started telling the Dungeon Master what was happening in the story.

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