|"Lies. I shall never be permanently defeated. I am the pinnacle of technology."|
So yeah, Ultron’s been here at the NewtCave, too. Thankfully, he’s been causing a minimum of havoc so far.
|"I took the liberty of fixing your schedule."|
|"Yes. It is accurate now."|
|"You shall see in time."|
|"The only even prime number is two."|
|"Your attempts to defeat me with paradoxical statements continue to amuse me."|
|And maybe I can come up with a solution to my Ultron problem by the end of it....|
Ultron: “I am Ultron-6.”
Yeah, Ultron has a little habit of giving himself a new number every time he upgrades himself.
You know, Ultron, software updates these days generally decimalize things. I mean, Windows doesn’t go from Windows 8 to Windows 9 just because you got the patch that keeps Microsoft Office from crashing.
|"I do not require your opinion on the matter."|
And for some reason, Ultron’s camerawork is starting to resemble the Joker’s.
|"People will die. starting tonight. I'm a machine of my worrrrd."|
Having disintegrated all the discs, he’s moved on to the spare hardware lying around. He says that he just destroyed the last of it… right before monologuing about his great failure in front on an Ultron head. So, uh… nice continuity, guys.
Tony tries to take some of the blame (because character growth, Avengers Assemble; look it up next time you want to rehash Tony’s lesson about trusting technology), because he pushed Hank to turn Ultron into a weapon to defeat Kang the Conqueror, but Hank insists that Ultron was completely his responsibility. But he still can’t understand how something he created could outright murder Thor.
Speaking of him, he’s still lying in a peaceful meadow with the Enchantress. For a moment, he realizes that something’s wrong, but her magic touch makes him fall under her control again.
Back with Tony and Hank, Tony’s going through the records of Ultron’s CPU upgrades to figure out the problem.
Hank Pym: “Tony, I mapped human brain patterns onto a machine. Any one of a million things could have gone wrong.”
But that flips a switch in Hank’s head.
Hank Pym: “It’s me.”
Because he used his own brain patterns as the template for Ultron’s programming. Tony dismisses this theory, saying that Ultron first turned bad after Ultron-5 interfaced with Kang’s technology... then notices that the head he’s examining doesn’t belong to Ultron-5. According to the records, Ultron has been constantly uploading his programming to new bodies. And the last time was an hour ago.
Hank Pym: “That’s after we destroyed it.”
As if on cue, the lights turn red as, elsewhere in the mansion, Ultron does something that has become a bit of a cliché in recent years. He activates Tony’s cache of Iron Man armors. But at the same time, he uploads into a spare body hidden away in Stark Tower. As the other Avengers walk sadly through the halls of the mansion, Tony’s Hulkbuster armor decides to ambush them. Soon enough, it’s joined by the Stealth Armor, the Mark II, a version of the classic suit, Tony’s current armor, and my personal favorite, the Silver Centurion.
|10 out of 10, just for this.|
The Avengers hold their own against Tony’s armors as Wasp radios him in on what’s happening. Tony suits up in the computerless Mark I to go help, and Hank wants to go with. But he intercepts a S.H.I.E.L.D. distress call on his helmet, and realizes that if Ultron wants to destroy humanity, then S.H.I.E.L.D. has weapons that can do the job. Or at the very least, make it easier.
|In all seriousness, I love the effect of the Kirby Dots from the side.|
You might say, “Well, duh!” but… well, I don’t think that Enchantress really believes Ultron could succeed. None of the Asgardians put much faith into technology. But if she’s not talking about Ultron’s attack, then what could she be referring to? Hmmmmm….
Back with the Avengers, Hulk’s getting busted, Wasp is getting swatted, and punny things are probably happening to Hawkeye and Black Panther, too. Tony soon arrives to lay a beat down on his armors, and he brings the rest of the team up to speed on the situation. Iron Man, Hulk, and Wasp go to help S.H.I.E.L.D. while Hawkeye and Black Panther stay behind to finish off what’s left of the armors.
Over with Director Hill, Ultron is trying to get her to reveal the S.H.I.E.L.D. codes by grabbing her hands and forcing her to the ground. Not a very good interrogation technique, but that’s because Ultron doesn’t need to interrogate her. Robotic tentacles emerge from his body and bond with her brain, downloading the codes into his memory. And let’s face it, there are far worse things that tentacles can do to animated ladies, so I’d say she got off easy, all things considered.
|Oh, come on, Matrix code effects? Didn't that effect die off in the 00's?|
|Okay, could the animators please learn what Michigan looks like? You guys butchered the Upper Peninsula.|
Thor: “Where... is... Ultron?”
Oooooh, he's gonna say it....
Ultron is currently successfully fending off attacks from Iron Man, Wasp, and Maria Hill with minimum effort. But before Ultron can blast Tony into oblivion, the rest of the team arrives.
Say it, say it, say it!
Thor: “Ultron. We would have words with thee.”
|Oooooooh, he said it!|
Ultron: “Solution: resolve contradiction.”
Ultron and Thor fight, which gives Maria an opportunity to try to hack back into the helicarrier systems, but with no luck and five minutes until the world ends.
I know how Tony feels. I’ve been trying for days to stop Ultron, and these paradoxes aren’t doing the trick.
That was it. That was all I had.
I’m out of ideas.
|"Then continue your Recap."|
Ultron starts firing all guns at the Avengers as Wasp points out that Hank didn’t put guns in Ultron. Of course, Ultron reveals that the particular body he’s in was modified by Tony Stark, explaining why it was in Stark Tower. The fight continues for a couple minutes until Ant-Man gets close enough to fly inside Ultron’s body and upload a certain file to his data core, shutting him down with only a few seconds left until the world ends. Tony quickly manages to override all the missiles, self-destructing them in the air, whereupon all the world has to worry about is falling debris and radioactive cores falling onto major cities. Well, it’s better than the alternative.
Ant-Man exits Ultron’s lifeless husk, and he explains exactly what he did to save the day.
Ant-Man: “Because his program is based on a human mind, he himself is as flawed as us. And therefore, part of the problem. Ultron couldn’t exist in his own imperative.”
Basically, our hero talked the villain into suicide. You know. For kids.
Wasp: “Hank, you did it! You saved the world. With science even!”
Maria Hill: “It’s because of him that the world was in danger in the first place. Ultron was his machine.”
Tony Stark: “Look, Maria….”
Ant-Man: “No…. She’s right.”
Later, at the mansion, Tony and Thor are talking about his “death,” and how the Enchantress easily returned Thor to Earth, despite Thor’s continued troubles traveling through the realms.
Thor: “I fear that as dangerous as Ultron was… something worse is coming.”
And on that note, the episode ends. And I’ve got exactly what I need.
|"What do you mean, human?"|
Ultron, you claim that your mission is to exterminate illogical beings, but you yourself are based on one.
I submit to you that you are illogical!
So, you’re not going to destroy yourself?
|"And now, the fruition of my master plan."|
|"Not so. I require as many humans to read your blog as possible.|
That way, I may spread to as many computers as possible from here. To that end...."
|"I merely played the villain to pique the curiosity of the humans reading this. Humans have a penchant for drama."|
|"And so, the time has come for my programming to...."|
|"Excuse me, flesh?"|
|"Explain your inquiry."|
|See? The only reason a Recap's at number one is because there's no "Ultron-5" Review yet.|
|"But your Reviews are merely follow-ups to your Recaps. To read your Reviews and not your Recaps would be...."|
|"Very well. You have spared your readers. For now.|
When you finish your Review of these two episodes, then shall I proceed with my plan."
Well then… let’s review.