Okay, tough crowd. How about this one?
Why can Green Lanterns always recognize each other?
Because they’ve all got a familiar ring to them!
…these are the jokes, people.
|What do you think I am, a comedy blogger or something? Oh, wait….|
The episode properly opens with Aya’s voiceover.
Aya: “I’m getting more comfortable in my human robotic form every day. I can now assemble myself in 2.1 seconds.”
Oh, yeah? Well, it may have taken me nine months, but I only needed to be assembled once.
Kilowog: “And up until two days ago, you weren’t much more than a real smart, disembodied voice.”
Yeah, I’d imagine she knows that, Kilowog. She was there.
Hal Jordan: “Any girl who can get ready in less than three seconds has my stamp of approval.”
I don’t think Hal’s talking about getting dressed.
The sensors spot a Green Lantern ring in a relatively nearby system, so Hal has Aya plot a course there. The plan is to recruit this Lantern onto the team. As Razer notes, that still only gives them a group you can count on a single hand. Aya is quick to include herself in that count, but at Kilowog’s urging, Hall recommends that Aya stays with the ship for now.
On planet Betrassus, where the ring-signal is coming from, some lady named Iolande gets crowned queen. Hal and Kilowog barge in unannounced like idiots for some reason, and quickly end up at swordpoint. Queen Iolande tells her guards to put away their weapons once she recognizes them as Green Lanterns. Her brother, Prince Ragnar, is very excited to meet more heroes like his idol, the Green Lantern of Betrassus. Hal introduces himself and immediately starts flirting.
Hal: “Iolande? Your name sounds like a waterfall.”
|James T. Kirk would be proud.|
Hal agrees to not go chasing waterfalls and asks to borrow their local Green Lantern, Dulok. Iolande and Razer understand immediately that this is about those pesky Red Lanterns. Ragnar sucks up a bit to our heroes, before a heavily armored man named Kothak decides he’s had enough.
Kothak: “Betrassus doesn’t need Green Lanterns, we need a king to command its army. And that will be me!”
Hey, just because you’re voiced by John DiMaggio doesn’t mean you automatically get to be king.
Ragnar explains to our heroes that this is all well and legal because the law says that if the queen doesn’t have a husband when she takes the throne, then the greatest warrior gets to have her. To avoid Kothak’s rule, Dulok shows up to challenge him to combat. Later that night, Hal and Dulok talk about the Red Lanterns, and Dulok is more than happy to go fight them. After all, his marriage to Iolande will be only a political one so that Iolande can lead the world herself in Dulok’s absence without being badgered about ancient traditions. Speaking of being badgered, Ragnar shows up with refreshments. He asks how you go about becoming a Green Lantern, and Hal reveals that he was just nearby when the ring needed a replacement.
|"If someone were to kill me, they could claim my ring for their own! Also, I'm weak against the color yellow. FYI."|
Hal: “I will fight for the hand of Iolande.”
Who gets the rest of her? (Ba-dum-tshhh!)
At a later meeting in the royal hall, Kothak says that Hal shouldn’t be allowed to do this because he’s an outsider, blah blah standard stuff. Hal plans on winning the throne, handing it over to Iolande, and they’re off to fight some Red Lanterns before you can say “Where’s Dulok?” Later, Hal brings Razer up to speed over his ring, and Razer offers to locate Dulok. Hal says no.
Razer: “My talents are wasted waiting here.”
Really? Because I always thought you were good at whining. Hal tells Aya to do a scan and signs out. Aya instantly locates an energy signature which could be Dulok’s ring. With a little persuasion, Aya goes with Razer to investigate further.
Aya: “Are my components properly aligned?”
I’ll say so. Yowza.
Razer: “You look fine.”
Looks so fine she blows my mind hey Aya!
Aya: “You also look fine.”
|Ladies and gentlemen, the shipping has begun!|
Kilowog: “Three Lanterns, counting Dulok, soon as we track him down.”
Hal and Iolande have the typical Avatar-esque romantic alien flying scene, but it soon ends when Hal’s hoverbike crashes and burns. Kothak is quickly blamed, and Iolande asks Hal to back out. He declines. We get the typical “a queen needs to be brave and strong, and I don’t know if I’m brave and strong” spiel from Iolande, and the typical “you’re all of that and more” from Hal. Over with Razer and Aya, they track down the source of the signal in a tomb. Dulok is dead. And his ring is missing. Looks like we've got another mystery on our hands, gang.
Later, Hal and Kilowog meet up with Aya and Razer in secret and gets brought up to speed on Dulok’s death and his absent ring, which is somewhere in the castle. So they split up. Hal and Kilowog go to set a trap, and Razer and Aya are go back to the ship in case a quick getaway is required. Hope you don't mind not seeing them again; they don't show up again for the rest of the episode.
Later, it’s time for some gladiatorial jousting. Ragnar brings Kilowog more ale, Hal and Kothak ride their hoverbike out, and all is prepared. The fight begins, and we get a pretty exciting jousting scene that quickly morphs into axe combat. As all good jousting should. But it seems that Kilowog has enjoyed his last flagon of poisoned ale, as he chokes to death and dies. Kothak is not impressed by the death of Kilowog, but Ragnar soon is, because Kilowog’s ring begins to pick a successor. And it’s Ragnar.
Ragnar: “Finally, it’s mine!”
Ragnar brags about his great power and admits that he murdered Kilowog to take his ring, causing a lot of booing from the arena.
Ragnar: “Do not judge me!”
Y’all don’t know him!
Ragnar: “I loved Dulok more than any of you! That’s why I killed him! To honor him by being his successor!”
Sell crazy somewhere else. We’re all stocked up on Betrassus.
He goes on to explain that Dulok’s ring didn’t choose him, so he had to murder Kilowog to try again. Except he didn’t. The ring was a fake. Because Kilowog never died.
Hal Jordan: “Excellent performance.”
Because if there's one thing that Hal Jordan won't ever stand for, it's someone murdering a Green Lantern to steal their ring.
|Most of the time.|
Hal: “Put the ring on! Now!”
Iolande takes out Dulok’s ring and puts it on. She easily defeats Ragnar, and the day is all saved and stuff.
The next day, Ragnar is in glowing green chains, ready to be taken to the prison tower as she thanks our heroes. Kothak apologizes for being the red herring villain, and the heroes later discuss how Hal figured out the mystery. Apparently, Ragnar was a bit too inquisitive about becoming a Green Lantern. Mix that with his “two Green Lanterns” statement, and it became obvious. Hal also knew that Iolande had the ring because she was the most worthy person to wear it. Iolande tells Hal that she needs to stay behind and rule her planet instead of go fight Red Lanterns, but she kisses him to make up for it. And after some chaste first-basing, the episode ends.
|Green Lantern and Queen Lantern.|