Yeah, I'm stalling. I haven't been looking forward to this one. I don't remember if it's good or bad, I just remember that it's absolutely infuriating. Let's go.
|Wasn't Molecule Kid a member of the Legion of Super Heroes?|
Well, it's about goshdarned time, writers!
Black Widow has only shown up sporadically since the premiere, which is a far cry from the exposure the character had in the last show she was in. I'm just glad she's in an episode where she's not the victim. Cough. Blood Feud. Cough. But I guess she's been working with S.H.I.E.L.D. while she's been gone, because she's got a mission for Hawkeye.
Black Widow: "He's back."
Hawkeye: "Who's back?"
The man behind the mask? And he's out of control?
Black Widow: "Molecule Man."
Hawkeye: "Molecule Man?"
And we enter a flashback. Hawkeye flashes back so far, he ends up thinking about Avengers: EMH. No, that's not a joke, that's what actually happens. The flashback is animated in the costumes and styles of Avengers: EMH.
|You thought I was kidding?|
First of all, these shows are not connected. See this post.
Second of all, while this was no doubt done with the best of intentions, it kind of just serves to rub salt in the wounds of everyone who preferred EMH. All they're doing is reminding us of something we'd rather be watching.
Still, I can't really fault the writers. I mean, let's face it. After the cancellation of EMH, they were working uphill to win fans over. I get what they were trying to do, and I can't hate them for it... but I don't like it, either. Another problem is that the EMH characters have their AA voice actors. It kind of ruins the moment. Another thing that ruins the moment? The Captain America in the flashback is the Season 2 imposter (sorry, spoilers). You can tell because he's wearing the Ultimate Captain America outfit, not the classic one. No, you're nitpicking!
Back to the actual episode, Hawkeye is flashing back to a big fight with Molecule Man.
|Now that's an obscure reference.|
|That's the one. Still pretty obscure, though.|
Iron Man: "Great shot. Thanks for keeping me from being able to dissect the invention of the century."
In the present, Hawkeye wants to get the others in on this mission, but Widow tells him that it needs to stay between the two of them. Because Tony Stark is not stable enough to be allowed to know the wand is still out there. No, really.
Black Widow: "Fury's orders. Our mission is to secure the tech. Tech Fury thought was destroyed. Tech Fury thinks would be far too dangerous in the hands of an inventor with Stark's curiosity."
Sam chooses this moment to burst in on them and ask what's going on, and they both tell different lies that they quickly amalgamate together into a weak story about a "surprise poker party." Sam doesn't believe them, but he's stopped caring and goes back to the carnival, much like I would rather be doing as well.
The hunt is on! Naturally, they carry out their search by jumping across rooftops instead of utilizing their hoverbikes, or S.H.I.E.L.D. resources, or anything logical like that. Also, they banter.
Hawkeye: "P.S. I can take a mission un-seriously and still ace it."
I've tried to convince my boss at work of the same thing. It has not worked so far.
Surprisingly enough, Widow finds exactly who they're looking for because, get this, there's a guy wearing a hoodie in the teal/pink color scheme of the Molecule Man. I don't know if she's genre savvy or if she just read the script. Hawkeye aims a knockout arrow, but Widow kicks it out of his hand, alerting the target. She claims that they need to get the wand then stop the guy, but that's. Just. dumb. That's like saying you need to slice the cow into steaks before you kill it! But if she didn't stop Hawkeye from taking the shot, we wouldn't have an episode.
The Hoodie-Guy runs into an alley as goons of the Advanced Idea Mechanics chase him and try to subdue him.
Hoodie-Guy: "You're not taking my dad's wand!"
Black Widow: "That's not Molecule Man."
Hawkeye: "More like Molecule Kid."
And we have a title.
The kid turns the nearby buildings into pudding, and our heroes and the AIM goons get stuck in it.
|"Eat pudding! ...I mean the road-goo, not, like, Jell-O."|
Hawkeye: "He does have a point."
Not really. His dad got sent to jail for breaking the law, not just because he had a wandy-thing. Anyway, the kid escapes again.
Hawkeye: "Can you just mommy-talk him before he destroys the city?"
Black Widow: "'Mommy-talk?' You did not just say that with me positioned to kick you in many painful places."
But, Widow, it's actually a good idea. What's this kid scared of? Authority. What to you keep yelling at him like? A cop. What's this kid missing? Parents. Figure it out.
Hawkeye's suggestion, though missing tact, is actually a very good one. Just talk to the kid! Put down your weapons and talk to him. Heck, call up Fury and get the Sandwich Club over here! Spider-Man's whole Season 3 schtick is recruiting other teens with powers! Or you can both be idiots, whichever. They corner him again.
Black Widow: "Gimme the wand or else!"
Unsurprisingly, the Kid turns the ground into honey and runs away. But as Hawkeye brings up from an earlier plot point, the wand has no power over organic materials. Logically, they're stuck in artificial honey-like sweetener. Luckily, Captain America noticed the fighting earlier and helps them out. Widow explains that they need to keep this out of Tony's hands, and Cap quickly understands. Unfortunately, while Black Widow and Hawkeye continue to bicker, Molecule Kid gets abducted by the Super-Adaptoid.
Hawkeye: "Now it's a party."
|You and Hawkeye remember parties very differently.|
The Adaptoid stops, apropos of nothing, and MODOK's face appears on the robot's chest for no other reason than to rip off Arnim Zola from the comics.
|If you're going to steal your style from a Nazi, at least wear some Hugo Boss.|
Unfortunately, this kid comes from a broken home with an absent mother and villainous father, and this was the trigger. He uses the wand to zap all of New York into an Escheresque limbo.
|"Hey, Widow. Is everything getting wibbly, or do I need to get new prescriptions?"|
"Your glasses or your pills?
Iron Man: "Looks like you need a hand."
He lightly blasts the kid, and everything goes back to normal. Tony takes the wand and wants to know what's been going on while geeking out about what he could accomplish. But before he can do anything, Molecule Kid grabs it back, so Iron Man just up and breaks the darn thing. New York gets zapped again, and...hmmm.
|Didn't Homer Simpson come here in one of those Treehouse of Horror Specials?|
|MODOK is way into those sparklers.|
Hawkeye: "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s got a program training high school recruits, right, Nicky?"
Nick Fury doesn't say "yes," though.
Nick Fury: "We'll discuss it over lunch on the Tri-Carrier."
Seeing as how there are super-villains imprisoned on the Tri-Carrier, and we never see Molecule Kid again, I'd say that this kid was taken into custody about five minutes later.
Widow and Hawkeye fistbump and the episode ends.
Time to review this episode of