Top Ten Reasons the Clark Kent Glasses Are a Good Disguise

Along with Aquaman talking to fish, the "Clark Kent" disguise is one of those things that everyone likes to make fun of. Back in the day, Clark Kent could shapeshift his face by flexing his facial muscles, but that was retconned away alongside his Super-Ventriloquism and Super-Weaving powers. So these days, he only has a pair of hipster glasses as a flimsy barrier preventing people from recognizing his Super-Face.

Mmmmm... I don't see it.

Or is it really as flimsy as it seems? The answer: No. And here’s the top ten reasons why.

10. Few people have seen Superman up close.
Superman flies around punching Darkseid and landing planes. Emphasis on "flying," since he spends a lot of time having people think he's a bird or a plane, let alone mild-mannered Clark Kent. On top of that, he's got super-speed. When he’s doing his job, most civilians never get more than a glimpse of him. But even if they get to see him, however briefly....

9. People are looking at his “S” and not his face.

"Excuse me. I'm up here."

It’s big, bright, and right in the middle of his mighty blue chest. The eye will be naturally drawn there. Some fans (and the occasional writer) have suggested that his very tight uniform means that people are looking at his red briefs… but enough about that.

8. Superman is a generic, if handsome, dude.
Seriously, his most distinguishing feature is his outfit, which he can remove.

But let's say you were lucky enough to see Superman's face after he rescued you from some kind of disaster. He looked you square in the eye, asked if you were all right, and flew off. Now let's assume you were able to remember exactly what Superman looked like, then describe Superman to a police sketch artist (White guy, blue eyes, strong chin, dark hair, spit curl, etc.), here’s an approximation of what he would give you.

Considered armed and dangerous, and all that.

All you have to go on is that he's a white male with dark hair, blue eyes, and a strong chin. There's bound to be a buttload of people matching that description in Metropolis alone.

And Clark Kent probably gets the same treatment as all those other people. Namely....

7. If you know a guy who looks just like Johnny Depp, are you going to assume he’s Johnny Depp in disguise?
No.

No, you're not.

You’re going to say, “Boy, Jeff, you look a lot like Johnny Depp.” And he’ll reply, “Yeah, I get that a lot.” Because that’s what sane people do.

Only crazy, obsessed people with way too much time on their hands (like 1960's Lois Lane) would hatch crazy schemes to reveal the "truth." And no one will believe the ranting fool who thinks that clumsy Clark Kent is Superman. Besides, there's a bigger obstacle than that....

6. Who the heck is Clark Kent?
To 99.9% of the world, “Clark Kent” is just some dude they’ve never heard of. To maybe .1% at most, “Clark Kent” is just the name by the Superman articles in the Daily Planet.

How many newspaper reporters could you identify if they walked by you on the street? If they don’t put a picture of the writer next to the article, odds are you have no idea what the writer looks like. But even if someone were to pass him on the street, or something....

5. Seriously, who the heck is Clark Kent?
Think about the last time you went to the store. What did the person behind you in line look like? In front of you? The cashier? The person who parked next to you? The guy in the bathroom stall next to you? Could you recognize them again and pick their face out from a crowd in two weeks' time? Probably not. People go about their lives paying attention to important things, not the people around them.

One of the things that Man of Steel did absolutely right was making Superman blend in. When he shows up as “Joe,” neither Lois nor anyone else gives him a second look. He’s just a nondescript guy with a beard who stays out of people’s ways, but can still interact with them. It’s like what Brad Pitt told Matt Damon in Ocean’s Eleven.

“He’s gotta like you, then forget about you the moment you’ve left his sight.”

And even if you did suspect that the guy who looks like Superman actually was Superman…

4. No one really wants “Clark Kent” to be Superman.
(To pre-empt the counter-argument: In the 90's, Lois fell in love with Clark, not Superman. He revealed his secret to her after they were engaged. But remember, they were close friends on top of being co-workers. Lois is going to see Clark as the good, trustworthy person he is, regardless of whether or not she knows his secret. The average person sees Clark as a dork.)

Superman is an ideal. Superman is larger-than-life. Most people don’t want Clark Kent to be Superman for different reasons.

1. If Superman is Clark Kent, then he’s not perfect. And some people wouldn’t be able to handle that. I mean, people take it badly when their favorite celebrities do something that shatters the image of that celebrity in their mind. Imagine how they'd take the reveal that Supes was just some dude from Kansas.
2. If Clark Kent is Superman, then he’s managed to hide himself right next to you without you noticing by putting something on his face, which can be embarrassing if you see yourself as a genius. (Cough, Luthor, cough.)
3. If Clark Kent is Superman, then why couldn’t everyone see it? Therefore, since millions of people can't possibly all be fooled, he must not be Superman. Logic.

But that raises a good question. Why can't everyone see it, even if it's pointed out to them?

3. It’s not just the glasses, it’s the details.
Superman stands up straight, Clark Kent slouches, so Superman looks taller. Superman has the ever-present spitcurl, Clark Kent’s hair has a cowlick. Superman wears tights that show off his Super-Muscles, Clark Kent wears baggy clothes, making him look a bit pudgy.

The Man of Steel, everyone.

Superman’s voice is kind but powerful, Clark Kent’s voice is at least half an octave higher and he stutters a bit. Superman’s eyes are an alien blue, Clark Kent’s eyes are obscured by his hipster glasses.

People were making fun of the glasses disguise since the 1940's. But Christopher Reeve’s portrayal in the 70's showed us how it could be done. The difference between personas is absolutely astounding. And it’s all in the little details. The mannerisms. Glasses are just icing on the cake. In fact, Clark can stare Lex Luthor in the face without his glasses… and Lex still can’t see it.

Uh... try penciling in your eyebrow with a mirror next time, Lex.

Of course, why would Lex Luthor even imagine that Superman would be in disguise and walking among them? After all…

2. No one thinks Superman has a secret identity.
Why would he? He’s Superman!

Think about some of the stuff he's revealed to the world via Lois Lane interviews.

• He’s solar-powered and doesn’t need to eat, so it’s not like he has to get a job to buy food.
• His headquarters is the top-secret Fortress of Solitude, so people don’t think he has an apartment in the city.

In the end, the Average Joe isn't going to take into account Superman's need for normal human interaction. Why would Superman have a secret identity?

And people probably discuss whether or not he has one... before laughing off the idea.

"Hey, do you think Superman ever gets sick of being Superman and walks among us in disguise?"
"Nah, he'd get recognized right away!"

Batman, Green Lantern, Flash... what do all these people have in common? Masks. People will naturally assume that they have day jobs. But Superman? People will assume that is his day job, since he doesn't hide his face from the world, even with a mask like Clark Kent.

Finally, the big one…

1. They’ve been seen in the same place at the same time.
Think about it. He’s got robot duplicates, shapeshifting friends, and more. Clark Kent and Superman (one of them really a robot, or a shapeshifter) have been seen in public together.

When I was a little kid, for some reason, I thought these two similar-looking kids I knew to be secretly the same person. But then I saw them together. Then I felt stupid for assuming they were the same person. So anyone who figures out the truth can quickly be “disproven” this way.

And there you have it. Clark Kent’s glasses, for many reasons, are a perfectly good disguise, but only for someone in his unique situation. But I know that won’t stop the people who think it’s still stupid.