Site News: January, 2015

Everybody get out your hoverboards and your copies of Jaws 5 through 18, because 2015 is coming tomorrow!

We've got a few months until the arrival of Marty McFly, so the NewtCave is going to take a bit of a left turn this month. In the spirit of the new year, I hereby dub it Premiere Month!

You know how I was doing that thing where I'd recap shows episode by episode out of order? It's time to set a few things straight. This month, I'll be recapping and reviewing the premiere episode of shows I've already covered like Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes and Batman: the Brave and the Bold. I've got a few other new treats scheduled, too, like a Recap/Review of DC's version of Iron Man. You read that right.

The scheduling of things will be changing a bit, too. Posts will now go up at 8 AM. If there's a Recap and a Review, the Review will go up at 8:05.

After a 16-month hiatus, non-Doctor Who Character Studies are returning! Not only that, but Sketchbook Saturdays are coming back, too. These will be alternated with Recaps and Reviews of shorter works than my usual fare. You'll see.

Anyway, I'll see you back here tomorrow when I'll be reviewing the entire first season of Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. The day after that, I'll be going over the very beginning of the DC Animated Universe with the very first episode of Batman: The Animated Series.

See you then!

Review: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "It's a Wonderful Smash"

Hmm. A Christmas special about a fake dream reality with an ending that tries to convince you the protagonists woke up without providing any proof other than "Trust us, it's real this time"? What are the odds that I'd be seeing that from Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. and Doctor Who this year?

Seriously, though, I will always remember this as one of the best episodes of Season 1. I will also remember that it aired during Season 2.

Recap: Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. "It's a Wonderful Smash"

I see Hulks of green.
Red Hulk's, there, too.
They tick me off,
As they often do.
And I curse to myself,
"It's a Wonderful Smash'...."

Yeah, I know; some quotes from "It's a Wonderful Life" would have been more appropriate. But be honest with me: Would you really recognize a quote from It's a Wonderful Life if you read one?

Yeah. Didn't think so. You dang kids these days.

Anyway, let's look at this long-awaited Christmas special. I'll explain what I mean by "long-awaited" in the Review portion. For now, let's make fun of it in a linear-type fashion.

Let's be honest, that's why we're both here.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Archive

"Earth's mightiest heroes, that sort of thing." -Tony Stark

(Unofficial Phase 0)
Hulk (2003)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Ground State
- Recap Part 2: Pair Production
- Recap Part 3: Critical Mass
- Review


Iron Man (2008)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Death and Destruction
- Recap Part 2: Life and Construction
- Recap Part 3: Rebirth and Reconstruction
- Review

- Iron Man vs. The Dark Knight

The Incredible Hulk (2008)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Half-Life
- Recap Part 2: Isobars
- Recap Part 3: Coulomb Excitation
- Review

Editorial: Hulk vs. The Incredible Hulk

Iron Man 2 (2010)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Iron Curtain
- Recap Part 2: Blood and Iron
- Recap Part 3: Ironclad
- Review

Thor (2011)
- Intro 
- Recap Part 1: Sharper Than the Serpent's Tooth
- Recap Part 2: Cold Comfort
- Recap Part 3: The Green-Eyed Monster
- Review

Marvel One Shot: The Consultant

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: The American Dream
- Recap Part 2: Earning Stripes
- Recap Part 3: Star-Crossed Lovers
- Review

Marvel One-Shot: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor's Hammer

The Avengers (2012)
- Intro
- Recap Part 1: Assemble
- Recap Part 2: Initiative
- Recap Part 3: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
- Review
- Character Assassination: The Avengers

Marvel One-Shot: Item 47

MCU Phase 1 Review 

"The city is flying and we're fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. Nothing makes sense. " -Hawkeye

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Agent Carter

Iron Man 3 (2013)
- Intro
- Part 1: Ready
- Part 2: Fire
- Part 3: AIM
- Review Part 1: The Mandarin
- Review Part 2: The Anti-Superhero Movie
- Top Ten Armors of Iron Man 3

Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter

Thor: The Dark World (2013)
- Intro
- Part 1: What's Past is Prologue
- Part 2: Swift as a Shadow
- Part 3: All Corners of the World
- Review 

Marvel One-Shot: All Hail the King 
Marvel One-Shots: Review

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2013)
- Intro
- Part 1: Patriot Acts
- Part 2: Right to Bear Arms
- Part 3: Freedom of Information
- Review
 
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
- View Log

Ant-Man (2015)
- View Log 

Editorial: Thoughts on the Ant-Man Trailer 

Phase 3

Captain America: Civil War (2016)
- View Log 

Doctor Strange (2016)
- View Log 

Editorial: Iron Man vs. The Dark Knight

The year was 2008.

Iron Man.

The Dark Knight.

Iron Man won. Hands down.

Shoot, did I give it away too early?

Review: Ultimate Spider-Man "Nightmare on Christmas"

On the most minor note, it bugs me that this episode is named after "A Visit From St. Nicholas," yet is based on "A Christmas Carol."  But at the very least, this was better than that travesty that was "Halloween Night at the Museum."

"Aw, come on!"

Recap: Ultimate Spider-Man "Nightmare on Christmas"

'Twas a while 'fore Christmas,
On December, the third.
I turned on TV,
And expected a turd.

For you see, O my readers,
That time came again.
To watch that show 'bout
That most spid'ry of men.

But Christmas was coming,
With specials galore.
I expected some garbage,
Like October before.

"It's rubbish," I thought,
"This special will suck!"
But watch it I did,
Then exclaimed, "What the crap?"

The show gave us gold!
Entertainment, not trash!
(If I wanted the latter,
I'd watch Agents of S.M.A.S.H.)

Have I just gone mad?
Is it just me?
Well, let's start this Recap.
Then we shall see.

Before you inquire,
'Twill not be in rhyme.
For rhyming is hard,
And I'm getting sick of it.

At least I'm not screwing up haikus again.

Review: "Iron Man"

What can I say about this movie that hasn't been said already? Still, I'm not going to let that stop me. Here, have a fun fact before we begin.

I kind of wish that had stayed in.

Recap: "Iron Man" Part 3: Rebirth and Reconstruction

He's a man on a mission in an armor of high-tech ammunition. Trapped on the edge of an endless game, his teenage life will never be the same. Mainly because he's not a teenager anymore. Not since the "Teen Tony" story arc. Also, let's distract ourselves from how terrible that story arc was by recapping the rest of Iron Man.

That's right, I referenced Iron Man: Armored Adventures. Let's not talk about that, either.

Recap: "Iron Man" Part 2: Life and Construction

When we last left our... well, "hero" is such a strong word. Tony Stark isn't the hero type. Clearly. Let's say "protagonist." Anyway, we last left the jerk as he came home from a three month stint as a prisoner in an Afghanistan cave where he built himself a metal suit to escape. Though I'm not sure what one would call such a literally iron-clad man.

Wait! That's it!

You'd call him "Metal Suit Guy!"

Recap: "Iron Man" Part 1: Death and Destruction

Before the film opens, we get the famous flipping comic panels of the Marvel logo, which I'm fairly certain debuted with Spider-Man, but might date back to X-Men. I'm not sure. Truly, I have failed you all. But I can tell you that this is the first time that the word "Studios" was present.

So, here we are. The first film by Marvel Studios.

First impressions, everyone.

Recap: "Iron Man" Intro

It only seemed right to post this during Hanukkah, which we're now well into.

From Siegel and Shuster to Brian Michael Bendis and everyone in between, I'd like to thank all the Jewish comic writers and artists who helped define the medium for everything they've done. To them and to my readers, shalom and Happy Hanukkah.

"L'chaim. L'art de Martell?"

So let's talk about one of those Jewish comic creators and a film based on one of his creations. I am, of course, talking about Brian Michael Bendis and his character Jessica Jones. And if you read the title of this post, you know that's not true.

Nothing to do with Brett Favre, Travis Fulton, or Cal Ripken, Jr.

Review: Young Justice "Drop Zone"

In acting, there's a saying.

"There are no small roles, only small actors."

And I'm not simply referring to the immensely-talented Peter Dinklage.

For Young Justice, you could easily create another saying.

"There are no unimportant episodes, only unimportant plots."

Recap: Young Justice "Drop Zone"

This week on Young Justice, the team heads to Latin America to get involved in a drug war between mercenaries, cultists, and terrorists. On an unrelated note, I can’t imagine why Cartoon Network ever canceled this show.

Kids love mercenaries!

Hannukah, 2014

First of all, Happy Hannukah!

Second, yes, I am aware that the NewtCave Hannukah Special starts part of the way through Hannukah. There's a good reason for that.

It's not done.

On the 18th, we return to Young Justice. Saturday, I begin my first Recap/Review of an actual live-action movie.

See you then.

Review: Avengers Assemble "Hulk's Day Out"

This episode had more moon-killing than "Kill the Moon." But, then again, it would have to.

"Dammit, Hulk."

But that's enough complaining abouWhat the heck was with "Listen," Moffat? You had a chance to make people hiding under sheets actually scary and THREW IT IN THE TOILET! Just so you could play your little joke on the audience! Your little "I didn't say certain things, the audience assumed" excuse doesn't hold up when part of your solution to the mystery hinges on the Doctor writing something down and then forgetting he wrote it! You opened up numerous plotholes regarding traveling to Gallifrey just so Clara could comfort the Doctor as a little boy? If that little boy doesn't get revealed to be the Master instead, then I will lose a lot of respect for you thanks to all your self-indulgence. What happened to the guy who wrote "The Empty Child"? "A Christmas Carol"? "Blink"? Is all your talent going towards Sherlock?

Ahem. I'm sorry you all had to see that. I've had that in my system for a while. Now that's enough complaining about Doctor Who.

Recap: Avengers Assemble "Hulk's Day Out"

Trivia time!

I write some of these Recaps/Reviews out of order. And I don't just mean my little habit of doing an individual episode of a series, then starting over from the beginning. Sometimes, I put off the really crappy episodes until the week before I post the Recap. Sometimes I marathon several good episodes at once. This time, I need to repair my soul.

My Recap/Review of "Avengers: Impossible" was a while back for you. But for me? It was only fifteen minutes ago. Having been unable to secure a nuke to wreak justice on this episode (Why aren't you returning my calls, Obama?), I have decided to instead recap and review one of my favorite episodes of this series.

Shockingly enough, it's a Hulk-centered episode.

I swear, I'm not crazy. Or drunk. This is actually a great episode. Here, let me prove it to you.
 

It will all make sense.

Legacy Character Study: The Eleventh Doctor, Part 2

I’ve put this off for too long. It’s time to continue the 11th Doctor’s life with one final adventure.

And now it's time for one last bow....

Review: Green Lantern: TAS "Lost Planet"

The villains are forgettable, the planet terrain is generic, the twist of the story only works the first time you see it... and yet I wouldn't mind watching this episode again. Well, certain parts of this episode.

Two words.

Saint. Walker.

I freakin' love this guy.

Recap: Green Lantern: TAS "Lost Planet"

I now bring you "Lost Planet," an episode about a planet which isn't lost and neither are the people on it.

Metaphorically, maybe?

Review: Avengers Assemble "In Deep"

I honestly thought that this season had hit its high point earlier, but that apparently wasn't the case.

Can this please be the new "It's a trap!"?

Recap: Avengers Assemble "In Deep"

Welcome back to Avengers Assemble. This week, we get an episode that's infinitely better than "Avengers: Impossible." But, honestly, that's not saying much.

You get the Hell out of here, you pointy-eared, green-blooded hobgoblin.

The episode may be called "In Deep," but we're not as deep in the crap as we were last time.

Thank goodness.

Review: Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United

You know, nobody asked for this. Even Marvel knew that; they released this thing with almost no fanfare. This is far from the crossover that everyone asked for. People were demanding that this thing stop existing.

What am I supposed to say about this? This thing... what even is it? It's too long to be a TV episode, it's too short to be a movie, it's a supposed tie-in to something it has almost nothing in common with, and if anyone tells me I'm dangling my participle, I will make them eat my English degree.

Recap: Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United

And so, here we are.

Last September, I covered a certain piece of animation which many have stated to be the worst thing Marvel ever animated. I can’t agree with this statement, simply because I haven’t actually seen everything Marvel ever animated. (Yet….) But yes, it certainly was a stinker. Slow, dull, poorly animated, and a waste of a perfectly good animation technique.

And it has a sequel.

Dang it.

After I covered the first installment of the Heroes United duology, I promised that I’d take a look at the second (and hopefully final) installment as soon as the NewtCave hit 75,000 page views. Thanks to a retweet from a certain guy in a hat, a cameo from a certain rodent, and a sudden interest in my Recap of the Avengers: EMH premiere, I’ve already hit that mark. So today I’ll be recapping and reviewing Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United.

This film was announced the same day that the first installment was released, to little fanfare. Because everyone knew by watching the trailers for the first one that the sequel was no doubt crap. Because of the dismal reviews and abysmally low sales of the first installment, this sequel has not yet gotten a DVD/Blu-Ray release; it’s only available through digital copies and streaming.

And here’s where I hit a wall in my research. No one is talking about this movie. With well-reviewed movies and shows, there’s interviews and information everywhere. Generally speaking, the fans will have questions for the creators, and the creators love to talk about their work. Heck, you can sometimes find as much information with things that are so-bad-they’re-good. But I can barely find any behind-the-scenes info on this thing. And that tells me that it’s not so-bad-it’s-good, but so-awful-no-one-cares. Not a good start.

So I guess there’s no more putting it off. Time to begin my Recap of Iron Man and Captain America: Heroes United.

Happy 75,000 Views, everybody.

Review: The Batman "Traction"

This was an excellent episode about Iron Man defeating the Juggernaut. And either way, the character portrayed in the third film of a series by a man with a British accent wins. Funny how that works.

Recap: The Batman "Traction"

Back to The Batman, this week. And we're looking at the first big misstep of the series. You might say that this show is having a bit of trouble gaining... momentum!

Shoot, wrong punchline.

Can't get them all right, I guess. I mean, who am I, the Joker?