|Try not to behold in breathless wonder for too long, though. Breathing is good.|
It seems as though something or someone has utterly wrecked a dock as well as the shipping containers on it. Or maybe it's just in New Jersey. There's a few unconscious dock workers what aren't looking good, either. Jersey air will do that to you.
(To my New York readers: You're welcome!)
(To my New Jersey readers: I'm sorry.)
Suddenly, a wrecking ball smashes into some crates on a ship with "Stark Industries" painted on the side. This would be a perfect time for a Miley Cyrus joke, but I'm not going to make one. Because I can be better than that. The wrecking ball is pulled back to its owner, the musclebound Thunderball. But I'm not going to make a James Bond joke. Because I can be better than that.
The wrecking ball-wielding Thunderball is joined with his fellow teammates, collectively known as the Wrecking Crew, led by the Wrecker. Urge to make Miley Cyrus joke rising.... Thunderball then exposits that the bit of tech they're after is a Stark Gamma-emitter. Because of course Stark built one of those. Actually, think about it. Bruce Banner got hit by a Gamma bomb, Tony Stark built a Gamma-emitter, Tony Stark used to make weapons for the military... I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Anyway, the cops show up. We then cut to an ambulance getting a report of officers down, and I'm pretty sure we can fill in the blanks ourselves. It's called in as a possible "Code Blue."
Male Paramedic: "Code Blue? Never heard of that."
Female Paramedic: "I have. Supervillains."
Uh, I hope that paramedic has actually heard of a Code Blue. Because in real life, a "Code Blue" refers to a patient who needs emergency resuscitation, aka "They stopped breathing."
|Been a while since I had you guys learn something.|
Thor's all like, "I got this" and moves in to lay the smackdown on the other three.
Bulldozer: 1-hit KO
Piledriver: 1-hit KO
But what can you expect? Thor plays on God-Mode. Wrecker manages to hold him off by kicking the God of Thunder right in the... I was going to call them "Thunderballs," but there's already a character with that name in the story. Shoot.
|And so, the readers narrowly avoided a terrible joke, but only narrowly.|
Wrecker: "The mighty Thor? More like a mighty big idi..."
He doesn't get to finish that sentence, though, because Thor's hammer flies out of the wreckage and hits them so hard they all go flying. But, as Thor gets out, Wrecker has already taken the female paramedic hostage.
Thor: "Have you no honor?"
Wrecker: "Not even a little."
Thor: "Then you should be familiar with attacking a foe from behind."
Wrecker gets hit in the head with Thor's returning hammer, knocking him out, and Thor makes sure she's all right. He's quite impressed with her bravery, what with being a puny human who risks her life for the sake of others. She introduces herself as Jane Foster, and let me just say this to those of you who have only seen the films. In the comics, she's a nurse. So revamping her into a paramedic is a step up from being a nurse, not a step down from being a scientist. Just wanted to stop that argument in its tracks, because I've heard it before.
|Also, she's hot. I know she's just a 2-dimensional image... but just look at those dimensions!|
|This screencap doesn't do it justice.|
|Now, I'm completely against the objectification of women... but dang, she works that pole good.|
The Frost Giants get to smashing, and Thor appears next to Heimdall. Heimdall exposits that it's soon time for Odin's big nap called the Odinsleep, after which he regains his strength for another year, and that's why Loki's attacking now. Thor goes off to knock down some Frost Giants, and does so. But before he can, Baldr the Shining God beats him in felling the first one. Hooray for Baldr! You know what? Forget Thor. Back in the Viking times, everybody liked Baldr. And I can see why. No hammer, no lightning, no flying. He just climbs a giant and stabs it in the eye. Like. A. Boss.
The Warriors Three and Lady Sif get in on the action, too, but Thor shows up and begins to takes out the remaining trio of giants. All the while, a pair of crows have been watching. They report back to Odin, who wait just a minute.
|What is this malarkey?|
Outside, Thor begins to summon lightning, but is stopped by Loki, who freezes him in place. It doesn't take. Thor emerges and, after a pummeling, manages to keep himself from getting eaten. Then he summons the lightning, defeating all the Frost Giants. But now it's boss battle time, and Loki zaps him through a few walls.
Loki: "Welcome home. Brother."
Dun-dun-du- wait, this wasn't a reveal.
The episodes continues with Thor and Loki fighting. Thor gets zapped by Loki's dark energies, and gets quite badly hurt. Still, he doesn't want to fight his brother, and tries to talk Loki out of his plan by calling upon Loki's love for his brother, reminding him of all the good times they had.
|I think you and Loki remember very different "good times," Thor.|
They fight, and Thor manages to win against the dark magicks of Loki, despite Loki's little tricks like turning into a flock of either moths or ravens (I can't tell), purple fireballs, and the like. Loki gets brought in chains before Odin, and they argue. It basically comes down to "Loki, I was going to take a nap! Don't steal the throne!" against "You're not my real dad!" So Odin grounds Loki by teleporting him to the Isle of Silence, which is monochromatic. And there is. No. Sound. At. All. You know, absolute lack of sound leads to hallucinations.
|Say hi to your nightmares, Loki.|
But that just gets Thor mad because he doesn't like Odin watching him 24/7, not letting him have a life of his own. It's like that on Earth too, Thor. One word: NSA. (Oooh! Topical!) But Thor manages to raise a good point. Odin is a manipulative bastard. After all, Odin's ravens keep him informed of pretty much anything. Odds are, he probably knew Asgard was going to be attacked by Loki and the Frost Giants, and Thor calls him out on this and offers his alternative.
Thor: "Should Asgard be threatened, I will be here. But until then, I choose Earth."
|"Jane Foster doth need my help... um, building a portal device."|
"I thought she was a nurse?"
"Aye. And I do believe I need an examination...."
Earlier that day, Loki told all the Frost Giants that Odin wanted to commit a little genocide on them, because Odin's what you would call an "Old Testament" sort of god. The Frost Giants are hesitant, what with Thor being a pretty good fighter, but Loki tells them to leave Thor to him.
Thinking back to Earth, Loki flashes back to Hulk's arch-nemesis the Leader ordering the Wrecking Crew to steal the Gamma-emitter. And by "the Leader," I mean "Loki in disguise." Later that same day, a woman in a green dress calls out to Thor, saying that the cops at the docks need help dealing with the Wrecking Crew.
|"Pink." "Huh?" "Pink."|
(A No-Prize if you get the reference.)
Loki: "Of course he did, my beautiful Enchantress."
Back in Asgard (at the same time that Thor was fighting the Wrecking Crew), it seems that Baldr is worried about Thor. He tells Odin that Thor's beginning to spend more time on Earth, treating humans like children who can't take care of themselves. And he seems to be interested in a specific one called "Jane Foster," so much so that... well, let's just say that Thor seems to want her to give his hammer a polish.
|But can you blame him? Yowza.|
Loki: "No one is ready for what comes next."
And the episode ends. Well, I wasn't ready for that. But you know what I am ready for? Reviewing!