Monday, June 16, 2014

Recap: Avengers: EMH (Micro-Episode 05) "Thor the Mighty"

And now it's Thor's turn to get his own set of Micro-Episodes. And he'll be hammering the bad guys until they're pretty thore! ...Get it? That was a pun. Don't judge me; I'm typing this at 1 AM.

Consider yourself lucky. I've found that alcohol makes my puns even worse.
We open up on a shot of... whichever part of New York has the Statue of Liberty. All my New York readers are now shaking their heads. Perhaps I can curry their favor by making fun of New Jersey at some point.

It seems as though something or someone has utterly wrecked a dock as well as the shipping containers on it. Or maybe it's just in New Jersey. There's a few unconscious dock workers aren't looking good, either. Jersey air will do that to you.

(To my New York readers: You're welcome!) 
(To my New Jersey readers: I'm sorry.)

Suddenly, a wrecking ball smashes into some crates on a ship with "Stark Industries" painted on the side. This would be a perfect time for a Miley Cyrus joke, but I'm not going to make one. Because I can be better than that. The wrecking ball is pulled back to its owner, the musclebound Thunderball. But I'm not going to make a James Bond joke. Because I can be better than that.

The wrecking ball-wielding Thunderball is joined with his fellow teammates, collectively known as the Wrecking Crew, led by the Wrecker. Urge to make Miley Cyrus joke rising.... Thunderball then exposits that the bit of tech they're after is a Stark Gamma-emitter. Because of course Stark built one of those. Actually, think about it. Bruce Banner got hit by a Gamma bomb, Tony Stark built a Gamma-emitter, Tony Stark used to make weapons for the military...  I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Anyway, the cops show up. We then cut to an ambulance getting a report of officers down, and I'm pretty sure we can fill in the blanks ourselves. It's called in as a possible "Code Blue."

Male Paramedic: "Code Blue? Never heard of that." 
Female Paramedic: "I have. Supervillains."

Uh, I hope that paramedic has actually heard of a Code Blue. Because in real life, a "Code Blue" refers to a patient who needs emergency resuscitation, aka "They stopped breathing."

Been a while since I had you guys learn something.
She drives to the scene, where it doesn't look good. The Wrecking Crew is... well, they're utterly wrecking the cops. The paramedics barely make it to the scene, what with the cop cars flying from the sky. But they make it and start paramedicaltitionizing. Pretty sure that's what it's called. But because Thunderball acts while other men just talk (okay, I lied about not making a James Bond joke), he turns on the Gamma-emitter and prepares to test it on the paramedics. Before he can, however, a giant hammer hit him into a couple of shipping containers. Having left him crashing in a blazing fall (I lied about the Miley Cyrus joke too, so sue me), the hammer returns to the hand of its master: the Mighty Thor!

Thor's all like, "I got this" and moves in to lay the smackdown on the other three.

Bulldozer: 1-hit KO 
Piledriver: 1-hit KO

But what can you expect? Thor plays on God-Mode. Wrecker manages to hold him off by kicking the God of Thunder right in the... I was going to call them "Thunderballs," but there's already a character with that name in the story. Shoot.

And so, the readers narrowly avoided a terrible joke, but only narrowly.
Speaking of T-Ball (which I just realized is a completely non-threatening nickname), he manages to get back up and knock a crane onto Thor. The rest of the crew walks over to inspect the damage, maybe take the hammer.

Wrecker: "The mighty Thor? More like a mighty big idi..."

He doesn't get to finish that sentence, though, because Thor's hammer flies out of the wreckage and hits them so hard they all go flying. But, as Thor gets out, Wrecker has already taken the female paramedic hostage.

Thor: "Have you no honor?" 
Wrecker: "Not even a little."
Thor: "Then you should be familiar with attacking a foe from behind."

Wrecker gets hit in the head with Thor's returning hammer, knocking him out, and Thor makes sure she's all right. He's quite impressed with her bravery, what with being a puny human who risks her life for the sake of others. She introduces herself as Jane Foster, and let me just say this to those of you who have only seen the films. In the comics, she's a nurse. So revamping her into a paramedic is a step up from being a nurse, not a step down from being a scientist. Just wanted to stop that argument in its tracks, because I've heard it before.

Also, she's hot. I know she's just a 2-dimensional image... but just look at those dimensions!
But a giant portal opens in the sky, and Heimdall appears and tells Thor that Asgard is under siege, and Odin needs his help. So off he flies, leaving the awestruck Jane to take care of the injured cops.

Next stop: Asgard!

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