Let us begin.
|Why do I get the feeling that this episode ends with Hulk putting Skaar down after he kills a lady?|
Mmmm… I can tolerate that.
Rick continues to exposit that there is actually one place that loves the Hulk. The town near the test site where he was created, Vista Verde. As it turns out, the Agents themselves are at the opening of “Herb’s Gammaburgers.” Well, they’d have to be, wouldn’t they? I mean, we learned in the series premiere that Vista Verde has enough ambient Gamma radiation to allow Annihilus to rip through the fabric of reality, so, yeah. I’d be more impressed with a joint that didn't serve “Gammaburgers.”
|That’s right, Gammaburgers! The only burgers with tangy Radioiodine sauce!|
Herb: “Before you cut the green ribbon, you like to say anything, Hulk?”
Applause erupts as a Gollum-looking creature appears slinking around in the background. Hulk cuts the ribbon, and Red Hulk goes and gives a souvenir vendor a piece of his mind over not selling any Red Hulk merch. This scene is over with no resolution, so if we never see the vendor again, I’m going to assume that Rulk killed him. Over with She-Hulk, she’s inside Herb’s Gammaburgers arm-wrestling two beefy truckers at the same time. The camera pans over to Rick, Hulk, and Skaar ordering from the diner before She-Hulk can undoubtedly make it explicitly known how she doesn’t care for these two men because of all their manliness and she’s a strong independent woman who don't need no man! Rick orders a few “appetizers,” and Skaar downs a bottle of mustard. Makes sense to me; if there’s one thing we learned from Teen Titans, it’s that aliens drink mustard.
Skaar: “Mmm. Yellow.”
No doubt because of synesthesia. After the Agents order, a little girl and her mom come over to say hi to the Hulks. The creepily-detailed girl has THE MOST DISTURBING TEDDY BEAR I’VE EVER SEEN.
|WHY DOES IT HAVE NIPPLES?!|
|"We have wormsign the likes of which GOD has never seen!"|
Rick: “Nice finishing move, guy! ‘The Hulk-Hurl!’ Which has nothing to do with throwing up. Oh, speaking of spewing bile, where’s Red?”
Red is in the rubble lamenting the loss of his beloved gun. Speaking of rubble, the town is pretty much decimated. Flaming cars, wrecked buildings, and the new diner’s been set ablaze. Even the Gamma Bear has been decapitated, which means that the audience gets to hear an adult voice actor portraying a kid get to pretend to cry. Which means that if you close your eyes, it sounds like you’re watching Rugrats.
Hulk (cutaway): “Should’ve been able to stop it sooner.”
Yeah. I agree. It really is your fault that you didn’t open with that move. You could have thrown that thing away at any time, but you waited until most of the city was wrecked. Yeah, your fault.
Mayor: “Don’t worry, Hulk. We’ll rebuild. Just like we always do.”
Ah, I see. The town has Stockholm Syndrome.
Hulk sends the team on clean-up duty while he goes off alone to finish off the worm.
She-Hulk: “Fine. Be antisocial.”
Well, if that ain’t the She-Hulk calling the Hulk green.
Rick goes after Hulk to talk to him, and She-Hulk lures Skaar away from sniffing the sewer. But Skaar’s not doing it just because he likes the smell of butts. Not this time. As they go to help the town, the same Gollum-esque figure is caught by Rick’s cameras.
Rick (cutaway): “Alright, who was that little creep? And was he controlling that beast?”
Thank you for spelling it out to us like we’re stupid. Over with the Hulk, he’s found out where the knocked-out monster landed. Speaking of monsters landing, Rick shows up to ask Hulk what’s bothering him. As it turns out, Hulk feels guilty about Vista Verde getting wrecked all the time, “like it’s my fault.” Before I, or anyone else, can scream "IT IS YOUR FAULT," Rick counters with the fact that the earliest settlers called Vista Verde “Via Diablo.” Turns out that the area has always had bad stuff happen to it. If it weren’t for the Hulk, Vista Verde would probably not exist anymore. Um, was this town ever called “Perfection”?
As Hulk wonders whether or not Vista Verde would be better off without him, the ground opens up and the two fall deep inside the Earth, where they’re quickly taken away by a few hundred Gollums. Hulk lets them do it because he has a hunch that the Gollums just want to show the Hulks something. After Hulk takes note of some cave drawings on the wall, he surmises that other “visitors’ have been there before. Why? Because there’s drawings on the walls? Maybe the Gollums drew them, Hulk? Maybe that’s kind of racist of you to assume that these guys didn’t create art on their own walls because they’re ugly and therefore stupid?
Anyway, the two get taken to what appears to be the subterranean Silurian city from “The Hungry Earth,” and a cloaked she-Gollum tells them that, because Hulk has defeated the giant worm, their gods chose the Hulk to be the next ruler of Subterranea. So… giant worms, and a prophesied messiah who’s also a genetic superman? Hulk is the Kwisatz Haderach!
Hulk gets a crown, and they all start worshipping him. Hulk, reluctantly, accepts his post and the feast begins. Of course, it’s typical brains, eyes, and bugs that Hulk devours before letting loose what can only be described as a burpslosion.
Hulk: “It’s good to be the king.”
|Well, that's an odd reference.|
|He is our new king, he is! Our Pr-r-r-r-ecious king!|
Red Hulk: “Besides, you’ve got me calling the shots now!”
She-Hulk: “Hmm, I think I’ll get the jet.”
Hulk defeats the mighty worm, but not only do two more show up, but the first one wakes up. They worms web up Hulk and knock him out. When he comes to, Hulk finds himself webbed upside down to a stalactite alongside the Mole Man, the former ruler of the Moloids. Hulk recognizes him as one of the Fantastic Four’s villains, but Mole Man shoots that down as the propaganda of a “libelous newspaper mogul.” Mole Man insists that he was just a ridiculed scientist who made his way into the hollow Earth before becoming leader of the Moloids. He further explains that the worms were likely lured to the surface by the Moloids to test the Hulk’s ability to fight them.
|"Captain Cold finally found out that I stole his glasses and took his revenge."|
Meanwhile, the team shows up at the hole into the Earth that Rick and Hulk fell into. Before they can jump in, the bug queen bursts out of the ground, looking more than a bit like Mister Mind’s Hyperfly form from 52.
|Somebody call Booster Gold.|
|A for effort.|
Anyway, they grab a giant rock formation and squish the queen, and the day is saved. And an endangered species may have just been wiped out forever. Later in town, the Moloids try to get the Hulk to come back as their king, but Mayor Stan insists that the Hulk is theirs, and no one’s changing that. I guess the Stockholm Syndrome was worse than I thought. Hulk gives the title of king back to Mole Man after the creepily detailed girl begs “Mistiw Hulk” not to go.
“I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why," right, episode?
|Not only does she have the voice of an adult pretending to be three, but she has the head of an adult. WTF?|
She-Hulk: “What about dinosaurs?”
Herb: “Ah-uh…seriously? …really?”
Strike that, he’s definitely going out of business. Rick and Hulk have a trite little wrap-up about “family,” Skaar drinks more mustard, and the episode ends.
Good? No. Bad? Not necessarily. So why did I say that this might be the worst episode in the series? I'll get to that in the review portion.